


Fingers Tap Into What We Were Once

by 2ofacrime24



Series: Fingers Verse [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Humor, Consensual Infidelity, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Fingers!Verse, M/M, Multi, Sexual Content, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-28 02:08:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 61,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/669044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2ofacrime24/pseuds/2ofacrime24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Human!AU. Castiel never expected to see Dean again, the man from one marvelous one-night stand. However when Dean walks back into Castiel’s life on the arm of his twin sister, Anna, a year later, Castiel’s world is turned upside down as he realizes just how much Dean affects him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He was never supposed to see him again. It had been a one-time deal borne out of loneliness and one too many fruity drinks that had left him with more bad ideas than good ones. While the encounter had been enjoyable and an experience that Castiel looked back on fondly, it was also one that was never supposed to see the light of day, something he could have kept secret and safe from prying fingers and judging eyes.

Dean had apparently not gotten the memo and had sauntered back into Castiel’s life as easily and confidently as he had sauntered into his bed over a year ago. Castiel had thought for a moment that the man had forgotten him, that his secret would be safe, that he could keep that night to himself. But when Dean’s green eyes met his they lit up and the smile he had been wearing turned into a knowing smirk, one that remembered how Castiel had felt, had fallen apart beneath his hands, and Castiel knew that his secret would no longer be just his. When Dean crossed the street to stand directly in front of him, eyes full of mirth and a smile that begged to be seen, to be kissed, and uttered Castiel’s name in a way that had his knees buckle, Castiel knew his world would never be the same again.

* * *

Anna had been the reason for Dean’s sudden appearance in Castiel’s life, both a year prior and then now. Castiel found it kind of funny that his sister had brought them together considering if she knew how much Castiel knew of Dean and vice versa, she’d probably flip a shit. At least Castiel was sure he’d find it funny were it not for the fact that his mind was yelling ‘jump ship!’ while his hands were begging him to drag Dean to the nearest bathroom and have his wicked way with him.

The circumstances for both meetings were quite different. Castiel had met Dean at a bar over a year ago driven for some much needed alcohol by Anna’s betrayal. Walking in on his twin sister riding his then boyfriend had left a nasty taste in his mouth which had him downing margaritas courtesy their elder brother, Gabriel, until Dean had made his way over to the bar and Castiel decided to get well and thoroughly fucked. Dean had done his job marvelously and Castiel had spent the night very satisfied and well distracted from the failed relationship he’d face in the morning. Castiel had thanked Dean for a great night and left, knowing he’d never see the other man again.

Fast forward a year and Castiel was staring at Dean whose arm was wrapped lightly around his sister’s waist as if it belonged there. Castiel had been waiting to meet his twin’s mysterious boyfriend for the past two weeks when he first learned of him. When Anna had told him that his name was Dean, Castiel had never thought for a second that it would be _his_ Dean. Now Castiel wished he had asked more questions, been better prepared for the possibility. He wasn’t’ prepared. Not at all.

“Castiel.” He cringed at his knees and shifted his weight, trying to hide the effect Dean’s voice had on him. Judging by Dean’s expression, the subtle shift in his smile, he wasn’t fooled. Anna however remained unaware and beamed at Dean before turning her bright gaze on Castiel as Dean offered his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” Castiel stared at the proffered hand before letting his gaze travel up to the face of its owner. Only when he felt a gentle shove at his shoulder and his brother Gabriel whispering his name did Castiel take Dean’s hand and shake it, hiding his disbelief behind a blank face.

“I’m so glad I finally have my two favorite people in the same room!” Anna exclaimed, adding a quick “three!” at Gabriel’s hum as Dean gripped Castiel’s hand tightly. He held on longer than necessary and Castiel’s fingers tingled long after he let go 

“Yeah,” Dean replied, slowly tearing his gaze away from Castiel to look down at Anna by his side. “It’s nice to finally meet you guys, you’re all Anna talks about.” Dean smiled at Anna, pulling her closer before returning his gaze to Castiel, barely glancing at Gabriel who huffed and nudged at Castiel’s shoulder, pulling a lollypop from his pants pocket.

“Wish we could say the same about you,” Gabriel snarked, slipping the sweet between his teeth and twirling it, closing his lips around the candy and sucking before pulling it out with a loud pop. “We only just learned about you two weeks ago and you’ve been dating my sister for what,” Gabriel paused and turned his attention to Castiel who tore his stare away from green eyes and looked at his brother, frowning. “Four months? Did she say four months, Cassie?” Castiel’s frown deepened at the nickname but he answered with a nod. Gabriel smirked and turned back to Dean whose grin had faltered slightly.

“Is this where you give me the _hurt my sister and you’re dead_ speech?” Dean asked, challenging. Both Anna and Castiel cringed as Gabriel’s smirk melted into a snarl.

“No, this is where I pum-“

“Gabriel!” Castiel grabbed his arm, pulling the shorter man away from Dean who had stepped back, surprised by the sudden malice. Gabriel turned to Castiel, eyebrows raised before popping his lollypop back into his mouth and shrugging. Castiel sighed and turned towards his sister. “We should get a table,” he suggested, gesturing to the restaurant they stood in front of. Dean nodded, eyeing Gabriel warily who chomped down on his lollypop and began crunching loudly.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Balthazar?” Anna asked. Dean looked down at Anna questioningly and she answered “Castiel’s boyfriend,” with a sweet smile. Dean looked over at Castiel then, frowning slightly as Castiel shook his head. 

“No, he’s currently working.” Gabriel huffed and flicked the now bare lollypop stick into the street before shoving his hands into his pockets and bouncing lightly on his feet. 

“Come on. I’m hungry and I want a drink.” He hauled the door open and swept his free arm outward. “I know I’m not the only one,” he quipped, directing a pointed stare at Castiel who frowned and entered the building, the others following suit. It was going to be a long night and Castiel knew no amount of alcohol would make it any better.

* * *

“Well that was a barrel of fun!” Gabriel flopped down onto the couch and Castiel wasn’t surprised to see his brother biting into another sweet, by the looks of it, chocolate.  Castiel shrugged out of his overcoat and hung it on the small coat rack by the door, dropping his keys onto the sideboard and making his way into the small kitchen. “How you managed sex with _that_ is beyond me.”

“It was easy,” Castiel replied, his lips turned upwards in the first smirk Gabriel had seen from him all night. Gabriel shook his head and stared at his brother. Castiel slunk about the kitchen, pulling a beer out of the fridge and downing half of it within the first gulp. He stood at the counter, running a hand through his hair before pressing his fingers to his closed eyes. 

“Are you okay?” Gabriel asked. Castiel nodded, picking up his beer and grabbing another before making his way into the living room. He handed Gabriel the second beer and sat down on the overstuffed chair, taking a small swallow of his own. “You sure?” 

“Yes Gabriel. It was just a shock is all.” Gabriel hummed and nodded, watching as Castiel slumped back in his chair, toeing off his shoes and propping his feet up on the coffee table, wiggling his socked toes.

“I noticed he didn’t seem that shocked to see you.” Castiel frowned and stared at his feet.

“You think he knew? Before?”

“Well yeah. Not many people running around with the name Castiel out there,” Gabriel huffed, sitting up on the couch. “Probably knew the first time Anna mentioned you which brings up a whole slew of questions.” Castiel sighed and shook his head. He would rather not think about those questions and their possible answers at all.

Gabriel frowned and leaned back into the couch, eyes roaming the apartment, cataloging Castiel’s books stuffed on the multiple shelves, and cluttered on the coffee table, the pictures hung up on the wall and the well stocked bar off to the side, Balthazar’s touch along with the 50” flat screen, DVDs, and sound system. Gabriel looked back at his brother. “How is Balthy?” Castiel whipped his gaze to his brother at the sudden change of subject, frowning.

“Not tonight, Gabe,” he sighed, pressing once more at his eyes as if to hold back a migraine. Gabriel continued as if he hadn’t noticed.

“Don’t _Gabe_ me. Where is that asshole? You could have used him tonight. Shoved him in the oaf’s face.” Castiel rolled his eyes and took another swallow of his beer. “Isn’t he supposed to be your boyfriend? He does live here, right?" 

“Yes he does and you know we’re not monogamous, Gabriel.”

“Only because he doesn’t want to be! You know you would be, you basically are!” Castiel finished his beer, refusing to meet his brother’s gaze. “When was the last time you had sex with someone other than Balthazar?” Castiel’s frown deepened, not liking the answer he was about to give.

“Dean.” Gabriel’s eyes widened, before he nodded and continued on.

“Okay and when was the last time Balthazar had sex with someone other than you?” Castiel sighed and looked up towards the ceiling.

“I suppose that’s what he’s doing right now.” Gabriel nodded once as if Castiel had proven his point. Castiel shook his head and stood, making his way back into the kitchen to throw his empty beer bottle into the recycling. “I don’t see your point.”

“My point is you dump that ass you call a boyfriend and find a better one, one who’s gonna treat you right and incite a bit of envy in that douche you couldn’t keep your eyes off of tonight. And yes I noticed. Pretty sure he noticed too.”

“You don’t think-“

“Anna?” At Castiel’s nod Gabriel shook his head. “No, she didn’t notice. Too busy staring at him like the sun shown out his ass.”  Gabriel frowned and swirled his beer within its bottle. “You two are a lot alike. It was creepy watching you two fawn over him. Same expression, _yuck._ I don’t see it.” Gabriel finished is beer and looked over at Castiel who was wiping down the already spotless counters, his eyes taking on a far off look that had Gabriel jumping out of his seat and bounding into the kitchen. “No Cas- bad idea. And this is _me_ telling you it’s a bad one.” Castiel looked up at Gabriel, his face the perfect mask of confusion but Gabriel knew better. “I know what Anna did was shitty. What happened with her and Crowley-“

“Don’t.” Castiel growled. Gabriel sighed and nodded.

“Still. Getting back at her through Dean a year later is a bad idea and not one that would end well for anyone, including me.”

“I wouldn’t-“ Castiel began, his expression one of revulsion before Gabriel cut him off with a wave of his hand.

“Yes you would. Maybe not intentionally but you would. Do you really want to go through that again? She was miserable without you and you were miserable without her. And you’d be doing it out of spite Cas, not because you got drunk and her boyfriend was a dick.” Castiel frowned. What Gabriel said was the truth. He had gone three months without speaking to Anna and it had sucked, losing them both. He realized he wouldn’t wish that hurt on anyone, especially Anna.

“You’re right.”

“Damn straight I’m right!” Gabriel exclaimed. Castiel sighed and stared down at the granite, frowning. “I guess there’s still the issue of the fact that you and Dean had sex. That shit is not going to stay secret forever.” Castiel nodded.

“I guess I’ll have to tell Anna. She won’t be happy.”

“That’s an understatement!” Gabriel laughed, “Personally I think you should tell her. She’ll drop Winchester in a heartbeat once she learns that juicy tidbit.” He chuckled gleefully.

“I don’t want to break them up. Maybe I should talk to Dean, convince him to tell her.” Gabriel’s face fell as if Castiel had dashed all and any hope of fun.

“Don’t want them to break up? You’re telling me you’d be fine if they stayed together, got married, had kids?” Castiel blanched. “That’s what I thought. Better that they break up now. Besides, the honeymoon phase should be over soon. It’ll definitely be over once she finds out about you two.” Castiel huffed. He knew Gabriel had a point. However he also noticed Anna at dinner, saw how she looked at Dean, how she beamed. It had been a while since he had seen his sister so happy and Dean seemed to return her feelings. It had been hard to watch at some points and confusing when Dean turned his gaze on him. He would have to talk to Dean and perhaps if they broached the subject with Anna carefully, no one would end up hurt.

“I should talk with him.”

“Who?” Gabriel queried. “Dean?” At Castiel’s nod Gabriel threw his hands up as if in surrender. “You’re hopeless, you know that? You’re walking yourself into a whole mess of trouble and while I am all for trouble this is not one I want to see you in.” Castiel shrugged in answer. His brother was probably right. “Just be careful, okay? Don’t get in too deep. And for the love of all things sweet and delicious do _not_ fall in love with him.”

“He’s with Anna, Gabriel! And besides I am quite happy with Balthazar.” Gabriel raised an eyebrow signaling his disbelief.

“Don’t lie to me Cassie, you were never good at it.” Gabriel heaved a heavy sigh and made his way to the door, digging out a jolly rancher from his pocket.  “Just be careful. I would like to avoid another family breakup.” Castiel followed him to the door, watched as he unwrapped the sweet and popped it in his mouth. Gabriel turned to him and looked him over, sighing yet again at whatever he saw. “You’re my favorite, you know. I’d hate to actually have to take a side in the fight, especially if it wasn’t yours.”

“You’re not supposed to have favorites, Gabriel,” Castiel chided but the corners of his mouth quirked upwards.

“Everyone has favorites! Dad loves Michael, Mother’s is Luci, and due to the freaky twin bond you and Anna have, well-“ Gabriel faded off looking at Castiel and shrugging his shoulders as if to say ‘what can you do?’ Castiel let himself smile fully and wrapped his shorter brother in a much-needed hug.

“You are my favorite.” Gabriel chuckled and pulled away.

“You’re lying again but I appreciate the sentiment all the same.” He huffed, shaking out his arms as he turned and opened the door. “Now to go home alone, with no one to hold me close,” he lamented. Castiel chuckled, closing the door to his brother’s crooning voice.


	2. Chapter 2

If there was one thing Castiel thought he'd been sure of, it was that he'd have at least a two-day reprieve from Dean to figure out what to do. He was wrong. He hadn't even gotten one. Hell, he had last seen the guy ten hours previous. And yet there Dean was, sipping on a cup of coffee, lounging in Castiel's favorite chair at his favorite café. If Castiel hadn't known any better, he'd have thought Dean was there to interrupt his life on purpose.

He watched the man through the window, having stopped on the street when he noticed the brunette munching on what looked to be a breakfast sandwich, lifting his mug to his lips soon after as he read the day's newspaper. Castiel took in the worn grease stained jeans, the faded Henley, the worn leather jacket draped over the armrest of the overstuffed chair through the window of the cafe. He saw the stubble, a bit darker than the night before, and the bags under his eyes as if he hadn't slept. Castiel took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders and headed in.

He had almost made it too, had trained his eyes on the familiar barista, a young blonde named Jess, behind the counter and had opened his mouth to greet her when he heard his name and found himself facing the other man before he was aware of his decision. Dean gave a small smile, holding up a to-go cup that Castiel hadn't noticed before. He frowned, glanced at Jess who shrugged and then nodded to Dean as if to make her approval known. Castiel could have sworn she had given him two thumbs up as he turned back to Dean who gestured to the overstuffed chair across from him. He cautiously made his way over and gingerly sat down, accepting the coffee with a small nod and a quiet thank you. He took a sip and raised his eyebrows in surprise when he realized Dean had gotten his order perfectly, a shot of black raspberry flavoring to sweeten the otherwise bitter coffee. As he put the still hot cup down, he thought Jess must have helped him, figuring Dean to be a potential love interest and not a man dating his sister. A man who Castiel happened to have had sex with. He was not ready for the conversation that was about to take place.

"Hey," Dean coughed, looking Castiel up and down as Castiel sat upright in the chair, not daring to get comfortable in Dean's company. "I hope you don't mind that I hi-jacked your morning like this." He paused and Castiel stared, waiting for Dean to continue. "The girl over there said that was your regular," he stated, pointing at the cup in Castiel's hand.

Castiel nodded and motioned to Jess who made like she was busy behind the counter but Castiel knew better. "Her name is Jess." Dean nodded and stared down at his mug before looking back up at Castiel who frowned. "How?" Dean raised his eyebrows in question and pointed at the table.

At Castiel's nod Dean replied, "Anna. Told me this was your favorite place. Thought I'd take a chance." He shrugged before running a hand through his short hair. "I didn't think- I never thought I'd see you again."

"Same here," Castiel chuckled ruefully and regretted it once Dean frowned. "I suppose you're hear to talk about Anna?"

"No. Yes." Dean's frown deepened and he shrugged his shoulders, his hands wrapped around his mug. "Both. I wanted to talk to you too, without Anna and your brother." Castiel nodded and leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs and leveling Dean with his heaviest stare. Dean met his gaze quietly, as if he was used to the weight of it and Castiel realized that he must be if he was dating Castiel's twin. Castiel sighed and found himself looking away first, at the cup in his hand.

"I think we should tell Anna." Dean jumped slightly in his seat and pursed his lips. "Together," Castiel amended when he took in Dean's expression. "Anna won't be pleased but she should understand. After all it only happened once and over a year ago."

"You don't?" Dean began but faded off and Castiel wondered where his question would have ended.

"Don't what?"

"Don't think it's a bad idea?" Castiel huffed and resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"A bad idea to tell her?" At Dean's nod, Castiel shook his head. "No. I don't think it's a bad idea. I think it'd be worse if we didn't tell her and she found out on her own."

"Well when you put it that way…" Castiel felt his lips curl into a sneer and fought to keep it hidden from Dean who looked around the café before returning his gaze back to him.

"Dean, this is my sister, my _twin_. Trust me, it's better if she hears it from us now. Besides, it's not like you knew we were related when you started dating her and have kept it from her since," Castiel said, waving his hand as if to dismiss the thought entirely though he watched Dean carefully, saw the other man pull back in his seat and shrink guiltily. "How long then?" Castiel asked.

"'Bout a month now?" Dean replied, running a hand over his face. "I was over at her place and we started talking about our families. She pulled out pictures and there you were, standing right next to her smiling. I kinda freaked out on her that night." Castiel took another sip of his coffee and burned his tongue slightly. "That was when I realized what had drawn me to her," Dean huffed and placed his palm slightly over his mouth as he looked out the window, his arm propped up on the armrest. "She had the same eyes," he mumbled but Castiel caught every word. Castiel coughed and shifted in his seat, uncrossing and re-crossing his legs at the admission.

"Well, I don't suppose you could just say you didn't recognize me until last night?" Dean huffed a short and obviously false laugh. "No I suppose that won't work. Don't worry though, I can make this work."

"Make what work?" Dean asked, surprised and skeptical as he leaned towards Castiel.

"Your mistake in not telling Anna right away when you found out who I was in relation to her." Dean raised his eyebrows. "Anyway, how about we do dinner, my place, just us. We'll calmly explain the situation to her and you'll tell her how scared you were to lose her if she asks why you hadn't told her sooner which of course would be the truth," Castiel paused and made eye contact with Dean who nodded in affirmation. "If she gets too upset, I'll pull her to the side and talk to her, work some twin magic." Dean looked at Castiel, a bit dazed by the man's sudden preparedness to the situation. "Great. Dinner, my place, at 7pm."

"What about your, your-" Dean grimaced and waved his hand, wrist loose and Castiel glared.

"My boyfriend?" Dean nodded. "You don't need to worry. Balthazar is busy tonight and won't be home till late, long after you and Anna are gone I am sure." Castiel sighed and stood up, straightened his overcoat and his messenger bag that he had never taken off. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lecture to give in a little under a hour and not much time to get to campus." Dean stood as well and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Anna said you were a professor of some sort." Castiel nodded and Dean shifted back and forth onto the balls of his feet. "Why are you doing this? You could have me out of your life easy." Castiel sighed and leveled Dean once again with a heavy stare.

"You make my sister happy. It was plain enough to see last night at dinner." At Dean's nod Castiel held up his cup in salute. "Thank you for the coffee and I'll see you tonight. 7, my place. Anna knows how to get there." When Dean lifted a hand in a wave, Castiel turned and left, thankful to be away from him.

* * *

Castiel called Gabriel after his first lecture of the day as he sat at his cluttered desk, phone in one hand and the other running a path through his hair, making it even more of a mess than it already was. "You what?" Castiel shrunk back away from the phone before bringing it back to his ear, his lips jutting out in a pout even though he knew his brother couldn't see it.

"Gabriel, please don't yell."

"Well maybe someone should yell at you! Seriously Cas! Tonight? You couldn't even wait a week to deal with this shit?" Castiel frowned and looked at the mess on his desk, knowing he should sort through it soon especially since it held papers that needed grading a week ago.

"Better to get it out of the way now Gabriel." He heard his brother huff over the phone followed by the crinkling sound of paper, another sweet.

"Well what time is it? I wanna be there when this goes down." Castiel shook his head and leaned back in his chair, bumping into the cluttered bookshelves behind him. He frowned as he sat forward and rubbed the back of his head.

"No. I told Dean it'd just be the three of us."

" _Just the three of you_ ," Gabriel scoffed and Castiel could hear the hard candy rolling around in his mouth. "Just tell me when it is otherwise I'm going to come over whenever. And you don't want me to barge in in the middle of the big reveal, do you?"

"Gabriel, please. I promise to call you afterwards but you can't be there." Castiel listened as Gabriel huffed and began to chew on his candy before he heard a familiar sigh.

"Fine. But I'm coming over later, after they're gone. We'll have a sleepover. It'll be like old times."

"Gabriel…"

"It's the only way I'm staying away so just deal with it. I'll see you around 10, that'll give you three hours to eat and get everything out of the way." Castiel paused and thought. He could practically hear his brother's smirk over the phone and knew it was pointless to fight it.

"Fine. 10 it is." He heard his brother cackle gleefully. "I'll see you later Gabriel."

"Yes you will! Lighten up brother!" A second later he heard Gabriel click off and he stared at the cell in his hand with a baleful glare. Which is how Balthazar found him a moment later.

"What did that poor piece of technology do to you now?" Castiel looked up to find the taller man leaning against the door jam, a smile playing on his lips. Castiel frowned as Balthazar crossed into the room, coming to stand next to him before bending over to drop a kiss on Castiel's mouth.

"It's not the cell," Castiel murmured, reaching up to keep Balthazar in place for another kiss, this time his tongue darting out to touch Balthazar's.

"Mmm, Gabriel then?" he queried, smiling into the kiss and running his hands through Castiel's hair before pulling back and giving a soft chuckle at Castiel's pout and nod. "Don't suppose you'd tell me what your brother's done this time."

"The usual," Castiel shrugged, turning back to the mess of his desk as Balthazar plopped down into a chair on the other side. "Refuses to listen to me. I'm having Anna and her boyfriend over tonight for dinner tonight."

"You mean _the_ boyfriend?" Balthazar leaned forward in his chair as Castiel nodded before Balthazar broke out into a grin. "Well then I can't say I blame Gabriel for wanting to be there. I assume you're letting the cat out of the bag tonight." Castiel nodded once more as he began making piles, trying to organize the chaotic mess before him and also take his mind off what would later happen. "I don't suppose I could be there for this. I wouldn't mind meeting this Dean who had you in such a tizzy when we first met."

"Balthazar," Castiel groaned, eyeing the man across from him, pausing in his cleaning. "Part of me wishes I had never told you about him." Balthazar rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat.

"If you don't want me there, Cassie, just let me know. I had hoped that we'd have alone time tonight. I feel like I haven't seen you in ages and we live together." Castiel frowned and stood up, making his way around the desk to settle into Balthazar's lap and press a kiss to the other man's mouth.

"I promise I'll make it up to you." Balthazar grinned into the next kiss and pulled Castiel closer, his fingers dipping under Castiel's vest and button down to touch at skin. Castiel pushed into his fingers as he pressed soft kisses into Balthazar's stubbled jaw.

"I do like the sound of that." He sighed and Castiel pulled back to look at him properly. "What time can I come home then?"

"Gabriel will be round at 10," Castiel admitted softly, frowning and Balthazar groaned loudly, letting his head fall back and his arms fall to the sides, his fingers no longer pressing to Castiel's skin.

"Your brother hates me, Cassie."

"He doesn't hate you," Castiel replied immediately, pulling at Balthazar's shoulders and forcing him to sit up properly. Balthazar pursed his lips and sighed heavily through his noise, grunting slightly as he nodded.

"No he doesn't. Just wants me to make an honest man of you." Castiel looked away then and felt Balthazar's hand run through his hair before cupping the side of his face fully, forcing Castiel to meet his gaze. "I would you know. You just say the word and I would spend the rest of my life trying to make you the happiest man in the world." Castiel closed his eyes and nodded, muttering a soft 'I know.' He felt Balthazar's thumb rub softly back and forth on his cheek. "I'll be home a bit after one then," he said after a pause. Castiel's face pulled into a grimace and Balthazar frowned.

"Gabriel has decided to sleep over."

"Well he can sleep in the guest room. I'm coming home at one and getting what was promised me," he growled, wrapping his arm around Castiel and thrusting upwards once as if to prove his point. Castiel's frown melted into a smile and he soon found himself kissing Balthazar again, reveling in the feel of the other man's arms around him.

"Of course dear," he whispered and felt Balthazar's answering smile. Castiel would have been content to stay like that, pressing soft open mouthed kisses on Balthazar's skin and lips but the buzz of his cell phone on his desk notified Castiel that his next class would begin in ten minuets. He felt Balthazar sigh and rested his forehead against his.

"I suppose this will just have to wait until tonight," Balthazar huffed and Castiel eased himself off of the other man, straightening his vest as he looked down at his lover who slumped further into the chair. "I love you, Cassie," he breathed, a small frown pulling at the corners of his mouth. Castiel hummed and leaned down once more to kiss him, wishing he had the time to express what he felt as the words stuck in his throat.

* * *

As seven approached, Castiel found himself wishing he had never thought of inviting Anna and Dean over for dinner. After a long day of lectures for his introduction class, Castiel had found himself returning home drained and wishing he could curl up on the couch with a good book and a glass of wine rather than make dinner for his sister and her boyfriend. He cringed when he thought of the conversation that would take place at his dinner table in the matter of an hour. Still, Castiel set out three places at the dinning table and fixed his sister's favorite dish, Indian curried shrimp, as well as an apple pie for desert and awaited his guests' arrival, finishing a glass of wine just before he heard the first knock at his door.

He placed his glass down on the counter and made his way over to the door, trying the brush the wrinkles out of his shirt and cast a quick glance at his reflection in the mirror that hung over the sideboard. He frowned at his face and opened the door at the next, more demanding, knock. Dean stood slightly behind Anna, looking nervous and flighty as Castiel found himself with an armful of his sister. "Thanks for inviting us over!" she gushed before pushing her way past and into the apartment. Castiel could hear Anna talking, her voice drifting to the door as she took in the small changes to the apartment and made her way over to the dinning nook next to the kitchen. Dean stared silently at Castiel before holding up a bottle of red. Castiel gave a small smile, stepping back and beckoning Dean in.

Dean entered and Castiel found himself watching the other man carefully, wondering what Dean made of the apartment, whether he found it pleasant, a place he could possibly be comfortable in. He shook his head at the latter thought and closed the door softly behind him before making his way into the kitchen to check on the food, feeling his sister's arms wrap around his waist, her chin resting on his shoulder soon after. "Curried shrimp?" she asked. Castiel nodded as he turned off the stove and stirred the pot once more. "Well that red we brought won't do us any good," she frowned, squeezing Castiel slightly.

"It's okay, I have a bottle of _Gewurztraminer_ that should pair nicely," Castiel murmured, patting Anna's hand softly. She pulled away and called to Dean as Castiel checked the rice, making sure everything was ready to serve. He turned to see Anna wrap her arms around Dean's waist and lean up into a soft kiss and felt himself blush, turning back to the stove but not before Dean glanced upwards and saw his reddened cheeks. "Why don't you two go ahead and sit, dinner is ready." He grabbed two pot-holders and carefully picked up the curried shrimp, turning around and nearly running into Dean who had made a move for the rice.

"No need to make two trips when I've got hands to help," Dean said and held up his hands as if to further his point. Castiel nodded and sidestepped the man, making his way towards the table and placing the pot on one of the coasters already set out. Dean followed behind and Castiel soon found himself pressed close to other man as he set the bowl of rice down next to the shrimp. Anna raised an eyebrow and smirked as Dean and Castiel cautiously sat down at separate ends of the table before pouring herself a glass of wine. Castiel noted she had grabbed his glass from the counter as it sat filled halfway in front of him, Dean's glass filled as well.

"I have to admit, Cas. I was a bit surprised when Dean told me you had invited us for dinner tonight," she said, smirking around the lip of the glass as she took a sip of the white wine. Castiel watched Dean, noting the man's stiff posture, from the corner of his eye as he placed his napkin in his lap before answering.

"I simply have missed you, Anna and Gabriel made it a bit hard to get to know your paramour last night," he replied and Dean sagged a little in his chair, shifting slightly as if to get comfortable. Anna chuckled and dished out rice on both Dean and her plates before holding out a hand for Castiel's.

"True. Gabriel was really out there last night, even for him." Anna quirked an eyebrow up at Castiel in question who merely shrugged and took his plate back, waiting as Anna served herself the curried shrimp before passing the spoon to Dean who eyed the concoction curiously, as if not sure what to make of it. "Still, I'm glad you did," she smiled, reaching over and placing her hand over Castiel's. "I've missed you too."

Castiel felt his smile soften into a more sincere one and he turned his palm over, clasping Anna's fingers with his own and giving them a gentle squeeze. Dean coughed and both Castiel and Anna glanced over at him to see him gulping down his wine and coughing once more, pounding into his chest with a closed fist. When he noticed the two siblings staring at him, mirroring each other's expression perfectly, Dean gave a sheepish smile and gestured to his food. "Hot," he proclaimed, his voice soft and whispery.

"Oh Dean!" Anna giggled behind her hand. "I'm so sorry, I totally forgot to tell you." Dean waved her off and took a small sip of his wine.

"It's okay. No big." Castiel frowned and looked down at his own plate before taking a bite. He didn't find the dish particularly hot and had thought he had prepared it cautiously, aware that people couldn't handle the spicy dish like his family could.

"I'm sorry Dean, I thought I had toned down on the curry and that the tomatoes would help relieve the acidity," he said, watching as Dean shoved the shrimp off to the side before taking a small bite of the rice that hadn't been touched.

"It's okay, Cas. I probably should have known better than to take a huge bite. Anna has a tendency towards spicy food." Dean gave a small grin to Anna who ducked her head and took a hearty spoonful of her meal before giving them both a closed-lipped, full-mouthed smile. Castiel nodded and shrugged his shoulders.

"I supposed all of us do." Anna nodded her head and took a sip of her wine as Dean raised an eyebrow in question, taking a smaller, more cautious bite. When he didn't dissolve into a fit of coughs, he began to eat his meal more easily and seemed to enjoy it. Castiel smiled and took a sip of his own wine before answering Dean's unvoiced question. "Gabriel's wife, Kali, introduced us. She had a lot of fun testing us, seeing how much spice we could handle," Castiel said with a rueful grin, thinking about the fiery woman who had managed to capture his brother's untamable heart.

"I didn't know he was married," Dean commented around a mouthful and both Anna and Castiel cringed slightly, causing the other man to quickly swallow his food and mutter a soft 'sorry'.

"Yes, he was," Castiel sighed and Anna gave Castiel a look that warned him from continuing. "She passed away though," Castiel continued, eyes glued to his plate. "About two years ago now." Dean frowned and stared wide eyed at Castiel and Castiel wondered if perhaps it was wrong to mention the fact. It probably wouldn't help the conversation both Dean and he were studiously avoiding.

"I'm sorry," Dean coughed finally, once again shifting in his seat. Anna reached over and touched his shoulder as if to comfort him.

"She would have liked you I think. You didn't put up with any of Gabe's shit last night. She would have loved that." Dean nodded and looked down at his plate while Castiel gulped down the last of his wine.

"Perhaps a new topic?" Castiel voiced, aware it had been his fault the conversation had drifted to where it had but both Anna and Dean nodded vigorously.

"Yeah. Um, Anna told me you were a professor?" Dean asked, taking another bite of his food and Castiel nodded, pouring himself another glass and topping off both Dean and Anna's, finishing the bottle.

"Yes. I teach over at KU in the Religious Studies program," Castiel replied and Dean grimaced slightly before quickly hiding his expression in a polite smile as he nodded. "It's not what you think, Dean. I teach an introduction class as well as a course dedicated to Christianity and one on Islamic Theology and Ethics."

"So you teach about different religions?" Dean asked and Castiel nodded, leaning back in his seat. "Hope I'm not overstepping a line here but you don't really seem like the religious type." Castiel raised an eyebrow in question as he sipped at his wine, feeling a light buzz from the two glasses he had already finished. "I mean, what with you being…" he paused and frowned, looking down at his plate before continuing. "Gay and all." Anna's eyes widened and Castiel could hear her muffle a snort in her napkin.

"Being gay has nothing to do with my religious convictions or my interest in different religions," Castiel calmly replied, a smirk creeping onto his lips as Dean's face flushed red. "Besides, I have it on good authority that God doesn't really care about sexual orientation." Dean sputtered once again and finished off his wine in a long gulp before nodding and Anna lightly swatted at Castiel's shoulders.

"Please tell me you have desert after this delicious meal," Anna said, changing the topic as she wiped at the corners of her mouth with her napkin. Castiel nodded and stood up, collecting the three dinner plates and noting surprisingly that Dean had indeed finished his plate before he made his way in the kitchen, putting them in the sink before pulling out fresh, smaller plates from the cabinet. After placing clean forks on top of the stack of plates, he pulled out the apple pie he had been keeping warm in the oven and balanced everything on his arms as he made his way back to the dinning nook.

"Hope everyone likes pie," Castiel sighed, gingerly placing all the items down on the table. Dean leaned forward and licked his lips as Castiel cut a piece and handed it over to him before looking up at Castiel and grinning widely.

While Castiel cut a piece for both him and Anna respectively, Dean took his first bite of the pie and groaned loudly, slumping in his seat and looking for all the world as if he had found heaven on his plate. "Dude, did you make this from scratch?" he asked, shoveling another mouthful in as Castiel took his seat across from him.

"Yes. The dinner didn't take too long and since I had the free time," Castiel let the sentence fade off and shrugged his shoulders taking his own bite as Dean let out another sinful moan. "I take it you approve?" Castiel asked and once again Anna was snickering into her hand as Dean nodded quickly, losing himself in the decadence of the desert, groans falling from his lips.

"I freaking love you man, this pie is awesome," Dean groaned and Castiel's face reddened, his voice rekindling memories Castiel had kept packed away in the back of his mind. Memories of Dean's hands, his lips, his cock, and his voice muttering sweet nothings. Castiel pushed his plate away and grabbed the left over rice and shrimp before heading into the kitchen and away from Dean who yelled a muffled 'you gonna finish that?' Castiel waved a hand and was sure the other man was already digging into what was left of Castiel's slice.

He took a deep breath and steadied himself before pulling out Tupperware and making three more servings of the meal, two for Dean and Anna to take home and one for himself (or Balthazar or Gabriel depending on who saw it first in the fridge), before setting to clean the pots as well as stacking the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. He closed the dishwasher and grabbed a towel, drying his hands as he turned around to come face to face once again with Dean who stood holding the desert dishes with a sheepish grin.

"Sorry for getting kind of porno in there," he murmured, shrugging. "Pie kind of does that to me." Castiel nodded and took the plates and forks from him, their fingers brushing briefly before turning back to the sink, trying to calm his beating heart.

"Is Anna?"

"Went to the bathroom," Dean supplied, sidling up next to Castiel to take the newly rinsed dishes from him and place them in the dishwasher. Castiel nodded and continued to rinse the gooey residue away, aware of Dean's close proximity, their shoulders bumping slightly.

"If you want, I can put some of it in a container for you to take home."

"Dude that would be freaking awesome," Dean grinned and Castiel looked at him, unable not to when he sounded so happy, when he was the cause of it. Castiel noted some of the syrup from the pie gathered in the corner of Dean's mouth and reached up to wipe it away with his thumb. Dean froze under his touch and Castiel quickly pulled away, mumbling a soft apology as he shut off the faucet. He moved slightly, intent on making his way back to the dinning nook to box up the pie as he had mentioned when he felt Dean's arm wrap around his waist and turn him back around. Blue eyes met green and Castiel could feel Dean's breath damp on his lips, smell the spice and sweetness there and felt his own breath hitch in his throat as Dean's eyes traveled down.

He knew he should move away, break the contact, say something and perhaps snap Dean out of whatever trance he was in but his smell was overwhelming, his arm around his waist was solid and his chest pressed up under Castiel's hands was warm. He closed his eyes and shuddered when he felt Dean's lips press against his. Castiel huffed and felt his mouth open under Dean's, tasted the sweetness of sugar and the spice of curry on his tongue. His fingers dipped into Dean's hair, scratching at his scalp as Dean's hands burned into the small of his back, pulling him closer, his tongue clashing with Castiel's as he swallowed his moans. Castiel slumped into him, biting into his full bottom lip as his hips pistoned forward and was answered by Dean's low groan and the hard press of something at his hip.

"Cas," Dean breathed, his hands fisting on Castiel's hips to pull him forward and Castiel found himself nodding to a question that hadn't been asked as Dean's lips pressed at his jaw. Then it shattered when the sound of a flushing toilet filtered to Castiel's ears and he found himself suddenly without Dean's hands, his mouth, his warmth, and leaning on the counter behind him, chest heaving and eyes wide. "Fuck," Dean cursed, rubbing a hand over his swollen lips and Castiel found himself echoing the sentiment in his mind before bursting forward, pushing past Dean to the dinning table and grabbing the pie. He made his way back into the kitchen, hands moving quickly as he produced more Tupperware and cut two slices of pie for Dean, shutting it up and stacking it on top of the curried shrimp he had previously packed.

Anna made her way out from the bathroom and into the living room, patting her stomach joyfully as she smiled at Castiel and Dean who stood in the kitchen, tense and separated by at least four feet of space, as much as the small kitchen allowed. "Well that was delicious Cas. I need to have your cooking more often." Castiel found himself nodding, a false smile spreading his lips a little too wide. Anna returned the grin, seemingly oblivious as her gaze traveled to Dean who stood still, pale, and his cheeks flushed. "Baby, you okay?" she asked as she made her way around the couch to the island counter that separated the living room from the kitchen.

Dean gave small nod and a numb smile while resting a hand over his stomach. "Yeah, a little too much spice and then a lotta too sweet on top for my stomach," he said and Castiel could tell that Dean indeed felt sick though he was sure it had nothing to do with the food and everything to do with Castiel. "Sorry, babe, but I think we're going to have to cut this short." Anna nodded and turned to her brother, her touch never leaving Dean's shoulder.

"Sorry Cas. Next time we'll stay longer." Castiel nodded and the two made their way to their door and almost had it open before Castiel found himself rushing the food to them. "Thanks, Cassie," Anna said, kissing him on the cheek before bustling Dean out of the apartment. Dean looked back at Castiel with eyes that pleaded for something but Castiel had no idea how to read them.

He murmured a soft good-bye and closed the door behind them before turning around and looking about his apartment, taking a deep calming breath. He took five deep breaths, concentrating on filling his lungs with air and expelling it through his nose. When that didn't work he slumped down to the floor and held his head in his hands, wondering how things had gotten so fucked up in such a short amount of time. He realized fifteen minutes later that neither he nor Dean broached the topic of their past with Anna. In fact, they had just made it more complicated.


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel wasn’t sure how he managed to beg Gabriel off for the night but found himself immensely grateful when his brother agreed to coffee in the morning rather than the slumber party he had planned. He slumped back onto the couch, relief rushing through his veins as he closed his eyes and breathed deeply, smelling the curry that still permeated the air. He frowned and licked at his chapped lips only to taste Dean once more. He bolted upwards and made his way to the bathroom, stripping off his clothes like shedding a second skin as he turned on the shower.  
  
The water burned, hitting him hard as he scrubbed at his skin until it was pink and raw as if trying to rid his body of any evidence of Dean, of his smell, his taste, and his touch. Castiel felt a laugh bubble up at the thought that the fury to which he set to clean himself all came from a kiss. He frowned and gulped down the following laugh, resting his forehead to the cool tile wall as the water continued to rain down.  
  
He sighed and turned the temperature down, slowly running his soapy palm over the expanse of his torso, trying to return to some semblance of normal, to when Dean was an afterthought in the back of mind. It worked for a while and Castiel was able to calm himself, rinse the dirt and guilt away before turning off the water and stepping out, feet pressed to the soft mat, toes digging in, grounding him. He toweled off slowly, catching each bead of water until his skin was new and his hair was lightly damp.  
  
Castiel gathered up his clothes and made his way into the bedroom, tossing his things into the hamper before sitting down on the bed, letting himself lay back and stretch out on the cool sheets. He closed his eyes, letting his mind go blank as he concentrated on each breath he took. After ten minutes, he got up and wrapped himself in his robe before he made his way back out into the living room. He picked up his cell and pressed away until he heard ringing. He gave an audible sigh when the call connected and Balthazar’s voice filtered through. “Hey Cassie, what’s up? Shouldn’t you be entertaining right now?”  
  
“They had to leave. I’m afraid my cooking may have done damage,” Castiel heard himself murmur as he curled up on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest. Balthazar’s laugh crackled through and Castiel felt his eyes drift shut as he wished the other man was there with him.  
  
“Well then shouldn’t you be calling Gabriel? You are supposed to have that little get together before I come home, yes?” Castiel shrugged and heaved a sigh. “What is it Cassie?”  
  
“Come home,” he whispered and heard whatever background noise coming from the other end dim as Balthazar breathed a ‘yes’ into the phone. Castiel relaxed further into the couch and repeated the sentiment, “come home.”  
  
“I’ll be there in ten, Cassie. Just wait for me, yeah?” Castiel nodded and hummed an affirmative; listening as Balthazar left whatever bar he’d been at. Sure enough within ten minutes Balthazar was opening the apartment door and dropping his cell onto the sideboard as Castiel crossed the small distance and situated himself into Balthazar’s space, hands sliding under the v-neck to the skin beneath as he pressed his lips to Balthazar’s. “I’m here, Cassie,” he mumbled, shutting the door behind him and wrapping his arms around Castiel, pulling him in, devouring him with his lips and his hands.  
  
“Need you.” Balthazar nodded and the two made their way to the bedroom, Castiel pushing off Balthazar’s jacket and pushing his shirt up and off of him as Balthazar pulled at the tie of Castiel’s robe, groaning loudly at the feel of Castiel’s cool skin beneath his fingertips. They fumbled for the bed, dropping down in a tangle of legs and the clash of teeth and tongues. Castiel gasped as Balthazar’s lips tracked down his jaw, nipping at his neck as fingers dug into his hips. He writhed, wanting more, his own nails biting into the skin of Balthazar’s shoulder.  
  
Balthazar groaned into Castiel’s neck, licking at the salt of his skin, tasting the soap that lingered there as his hands mapped out the planes of his hips, the dip in his pelvis, the coarse hair that traversed the pale skin. He felt Castiel’s nimble fingers pluck at his belt buckle, felt it slip from the loops of his pants before hearing the clatter of it on the floor. His cock was free within a matter of seconds and Castiel cupped the heavy weight in his palm, running a thumb over the head and smearing the pre-come found there. “Cassie,” Balthazar grunted, biting down softly on his ear lobe, lips then meeting together in a crush as Castiel pumped him in one hand while fumbling for the nightstand.  
  
He yanked open the drawer harshly, his fingers searching inside for the familiar bottle and he gave a triumphant huff as his hand closed around it. He pushed the bottle into Balthazar’s hands, forcing the man up and away from his lips. Balthazar chuckled and quickly emptied some of the contents onto his palm, slicking up his fingers before bending forward, pulling Castiel’s hips upward. He teased Castiel’s opening, rubbing a finger around the muscle before pressing in, holding back a moan as Castiel mewled and pushed back onto the finger.  
  
Balthazar leaned forward, inserting a second finger as he pumped in and out of Castiel, taking time to stretch him open as Castiel bucked and writhed and grunted and begged for more, toes curled, legs spread wide, and hands white knuckled against the sheets. Castiel tilted his head back, baring his neck as he squeezed his eyes shut, feeling Balthazar’s fingers twist and scissor inside of him. He gasped, wanting something thicker, needing to feel the stretch and burn of someone inside of him.  
  
He sat up, pushing Balthazar back onto the bed, starling the other man and moaning low at the loss of his fingers. Balthazar watched Castiel confusedly as the other man quickly produced a condom and rolled it down his thickened shaft before he settled on top of him, gripping his cock and positioning it at his entrance. Balthazar hissed at the feel as the head penetrated the ring of muscle slowly. He cried out Castiel’s name when he found himself completely sheathed inside of him a second later and Castiel bit down hard on his lip at the sudden stretch and burn that traveled up his spine.  
  
“Cas, Cassie,” Balthazar moaned, hands coming up to grip and hold on as Castiel began to pump and piston and ride. His head thrown back in ecstasy, his nails digging into the flesh of Balthazar’s taut stomach, his own broken moans and huffs echoing off the walls of the dim room. He quickened his rhythm, feeling the slick side of lubricant and sweat as he pulled upwards only to plunge back down, feeling his insides fill up with heat that burned throughout his body. He frowned and leaned back slightly, trying to change the angle and finding he couldn’t as he whimpered.  
  
“More,” he groaned and Balthazar pulled himself up, forcing Castiel’s legs to wrap around his waist as he pushed forward, changing the position of their love making and forcing himself deeper into Castiel, watching as the other man writhed and moaned, his legs clenching as his cock bobbed and rubbed up against his stomach. “Oh!” Castiel cried, reaching his arms around Balthazar’s shoulders and pulling him down as he arched his back upwards, his lips searching. Balthazar dipped his head and nipped at Castiel’s lips, drawing his hips back slowly as Castiel gasped beneath him. “Close,” he breathed, biting back and using his legs to pull Balthazar back into him.  
  
Balthazar growled and wrapped his arms under Castiel’s back, gripping his shoulders as he pounded into him with new fever, swallowing each sound Castiel made with a hard kiss. When Castiel made a keening sound and his nails bit into Balthazar’s back, Balthazar knew he wasn’t far behind. Castiel bit his lip and threw his head back, keeping the low moan that begged release from his throat silent as white spurts of come coated both their stomachs. He fell boneless back onto the bed as Balthazar reached completion inside of him, his forehead resting on Castiel’s chest as he slowly began to slip out until Castiel’s legs tightened and held him inside. “Just for a few moments,” he whispered, his fingers scratching through Balthazar’s hair.  
  
He sighed and chuckled, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s shoulder, neck, and then lips. “Whatever you want Cassie,” he sighed, feeling relaxed and sated. “Whatever you want.”

* * *

The sneer on Gabriel’s face was visible from six feet away as Castiel spotted him from his perch next to Balthazar inside the coffee shop, feeling the other man’s head buried in his neck as Castiel sipped at his coffee. Gabriel entered rather noisily, the bell’s ringing unheard over his booming voice. “What’s _he_ doing here?” he pointed dramatically and Castiel felt Balthazar grimace and huff a breath.  
  
“Go get your coffee Gabriel, you’re disturbing the other customers,” Castiel replied softly, watching as his brother frowned before stomping over to Jess to order his ridiculously sweet concoction. Balthazar huffed a laugh and Castiel could feel the man peek out from his hiding place.  
  
“Perhaps I should have stayed home.” Castiel shrugged and the other man pulled back, his arm around Castiel’s waist tightening slightly. “I am to assume you two will be talking about your dinner last night and perhaps why it made you so needy afterwards.” Castiel’s eyes narrowed and he wondered how Balthazar was so perceptive.  
  
“I was not needy,” he frowned and Balthazar nodded wearily, loosening his grip as he leaned back.  
  
“Of course not, dear.” Castiel’s frown deepened, his brow furrowing as he fiddled with the half empty cup in his hands. Balthazar heaved another sigh before standing up and cupping Castiel’s head in his palms, tilting the other man’s face upwards as he bent down and dropped a kiss on his forehead. “I love you.” Castiel hummed and closed his eyes, hand gripping the back of Balthazar’s neck, fingers rubbing circles into the skin there.  
  
“Leaving so soon?” Gabriel sneered, having returned with a mug overflowing with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Castiel reluctantly let go as Balthazar stood up and straightened his jacket, turning towards the shorter man.  
  
“Unfortunately yes. Some of us do have jobs, Gabriel.” Gabriel answered with a roll of his eyes before plopping down on the overstuffed chair next to Castiel.  
  
“Well hurry along then. Wouldn’t want you to get in trouble for being tardy.” Balthazar frowned but dipped down once more, this time kissing Castiel’s lips as the other man hummed and leaned in.  
  
“I’ll see you tonight?” Castiel asked and Balthazar nodded before slipping from Castiel’s grasp and walking out the door while Gabriel scoffed loudly before sipping down his warm cocoa. Castiel narrowed his eyes at the other man and frowned his displeasure at his brother’s actions.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I wish you would at least try to get along with him,” Castiel frowned, taking a sip of his cooling coffee. Gabriel shrugged and pulled his legs up until he was sitting Indian style.  
  
“I’m not here to talk about why I should like that asshole. I’m here to talk about how dinner went last night.”  
  
“Gabriel,” Castiel sighed as he rubbed at his temple and sent his brother his most pleading look, watching as the other man crumbled under it and uttered a soft sorry. “Thank you.” Gabriel shrugged and looked around the small café before returning his gaze to Castiel, a smirk pulling up the corners of his mouth.  
  
“So, dinner, last night. What happened?” Castiel covered his eyes with one hand and shook his head, his frown deepening.  
  
“I had hoped you had forgotten and that perhaps we could have a nice morning,” Castiel said, eyes darting to the side and away. Gabriel leaned forward in his seat, his eyes narrowed.  
  
“What did you do?” he asked and Castiel bit his lip, eyes trained on his coffee cup. “Oh Cassie,” Gabriel sighed and Castiel’s eyes snapped up to him, his frown hardened. “You didn’t.”  
  
“We didn’t have sex if that’s what you’re trying to imply,” Castiel growled. Gabriel shook his head and placed his cup on the end table between them.  
  
“Well I figured not since that would have been one quick fuck with Anna there.” Castiel huffed and returned his gaze back to his coffee. “But something obviously happened.” Castiel sat silently for a moment before nodding as he sipped down cool coffee. “Did Anna?” Gabriel asked, his voice fading out and the rest of the question left unsaid.  
  
“No,” Castiel replied, shaking his head. “She was in the bathroom.”  
  
“Classy, Castiel.” Gabriel sat back in his seat and Castiel watching, awaiting his brother’s inevitable lecture. “Who initiated it?” Castiel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to fight back the headache currently gathering behind his eyes.  
  
“Does it really matter?”  
  
“Yes!” Gabriel exclaimed and Castiel could feel the eyes of other patrons stare holes into him. Gabriel rolled his eyes and continued; ignoring the pointed glare Castiel gave him. “It proves me right that he’s a dickhead!” Castiel opened his mouth to admonish Gabriel but his brother cut him off with a wave of his hand. “Do not tell me he’s a good guy! He’s dating Anna and he made a pass at you which you apparently accepted!” Castiel frowned, knowing Gabriel had made his point and was in many ways correct.  
  
“Does that make me a dickbag too?”  
  
“Dickhead,” Gabriel corrected, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “And yes, just a little bit.” Castiel nodded, frowning as he starred down at his knees, his mug cradled in his palms. Gabriel reached over and patted his shoulder. “It’s okay. I still love you and I’m sure Anna will once we call her and tell her what happened.”  
  
“We can’t!” Castiel looked at his brother wide eyed.  
  
“What do you mean _we can’t_? Obviously she needs to know and I say it’s better to find out from you rather than him.” Castiel shook his head.  
  
“That’s not fair to Dean.”  
  
“Fair to Dean? Are you serious? You mean to tell me that you still want Anna with that ass even after he seduced you?”  
  
“He didn’t seduce me, Gabriel.” Castiel huffed, rolling his eyes before he leveled his brother with a heavy stare. “What happened last night was just as much my fault as it was his. I agree in that you are right, Anna does need to know. However I don’t want to cause any more unnecessary trouble. Telling Anna without Dean’s knowledge would cause more trouble.” Gabriel scoffed and slouched back into his chair, his arms crossed over his chest. The two sat silently for a while, neither looking at the other as the mulled over the conversation.  
  
Finally Gabriel sat up, his eyebrows raised as he fiddled with his half empty mug of hot chocolate. “Does Balthazar know?” Castiel sighed and rubbed a palm over his face, cringing slightly at the scratch of stubble.  
  
“No. He doesn’t.”  
  
“I thought you told each other everything,” Gabriel groused and Castiel frowned, shaking his head and biting his tongue. “It’s not like he’d be too upset since you two are in an open relationship.”  
  
“Will you just leave it, Gabriel? Please leave Balthazar out of this.” Gabriel nodded though Castiel knew he itched to continue. Why his brother didn’t like Balthazar Castiel would never fully understand. Gabriel heaved a sigh and looked up at Castiel.  
  
“So what are you going to do?” Castiel frowned and shook his head, eyes leaving Gabriel’s face to instead look out the window. He watched as people hurried about on the street and focused on a couple hugging each other, bundled in their winter gear as they smiled, swayed, and loved.  
  
“I don’t know.”

* * *

“Okay, what was so big that you had me bail out of a pretty important meeting for?” Dean looked up from his hands, his fingers pressed against his pursed lips as his brother stood in front of him, hands on his hips and messenger bag slung over his shoulder. His pea coat was hiked up against the messenger bag, his tie pulled loose and the top button of his oxford undone. Dean groaned and shook his head, hiding his face once more in his hands as Sam slid in opposite him in the booth. “That bad, huh?”  
  
Dean nodded once and forced his hands down, wrapping them around the cooling mug of coffee, not quiet ready to meet his brother’s gaze. He luckily didn’t have to answer the unsaid question right away as Jo made her way over to the booth. “Sammy! Been a while since we’ve seen you in here!” Sam shot the blonde a sheepish grin as he sunk down into his seat. “Dean drag you in to help him with his drama?” Sam laughed and nodded.  
  
“Yeah! He tell you about it?” Jo shook her head and tapped her pen on the memo pad in her hand.  
  
“Nope. Doesn’t tell me a damn thing. But I know you’ll give me the dirt,” she smirked, poking Dean in the shoulder with her pen. Dean shrugged her off and leveled her with a glare. Jo laughed and threw her hands up. “Alright then, what can I get you Sam?”  
  
“Water’s fine. Thanks Jo. Tell your mom I said hi.” Jo shook her head.  
  
“I’m sure she’ll be coming out to smack you on the back of your head soon enough,” she quipped and soon she was off and Sam’s eyes were once again trained on his brother who sat quietly, fidgeting in his seat before lifting his mug up and taking a sip.  
  
“So? This about that dinner you had last night?” Dean nodded and Sam’s easy smile slowly melted into a frown. “What happened?”  
  
“I did something stupid, Sammy. That’s what happened.” Sam sighed and shook his head. He held his question back as Jo returned with his water and shot her a smile, waiting until she was back behind the counter before turning back to his brother.  
  
“Did Anna not take the news of you and her brother well?” Dean sighed and looked heavenward before shaking his head.  
  
“Didn’t even get to that last night. It kind of got pushed to the side after I decided to be a complete idiot.” Dean rubbed at his face, hand settling over his eyes as if the fact that he couldn’t see Sam would make it easier to talk about what had happened the night before. “I kissed him.” He heard Sam huff and could practically feel his brother’s unbelieving gaze on him. He lowered his hand and looked up to see his brother’s patented bitch face. “It’s not like I planned to do it! There was pie and it just sort of happened.”  
  
“Are you seriously going to blame this on pie, Dean?” Sam asked and Dean quickly shook his head, groaning as he slumped back into his seat, hands on the table turned upwards and placating.  
  
“No. I just- he was- it’s complicated, Sammy.” Sam sighed and rolled his eyes.  
  
“It was complicated before, now it’s just a huge mess. I’m guessing this means you and Anna are done?” Dean shook his head, his frown deepening as his brows furrowed.  
  
“No! She doesn’t know. So we’re still…” He paused and waved his hand in the air as if it would produce the words he was looking for. “We’re fine as far as she’s concerned.”  
  
“Only because she doesn’t know! Jesus Dean, what the fuck were you thinking?”  
  
“I don’t know Sam!” Dean exclaimed, his voice echoing in the almost empty bar and he knew he had drawn the attention of Jo, Ash, Ellen, and the two other patrons who sat at the bar. He ducked his head, running his hand through his short hair as he looked down at the table. “I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking. It was just-“ He broke off, pursing his lips as he ducked down further, eyes trained on the condiments set at the end of the table. “I like Anna but Cas- seeing him again, it’s just bringing up all this shit and I honestly don’t know how to deal with any of it.”  
  
“I didn’t realize he had had such a big impact on you,” Sam said softly and Dean shrugged, sitting back before looking at Sam. “Do you?”  
  
“No! He’s just a guy.”  
  
“A guy you obviously have feelings for,” Sam interrupted, raising an eyebrow as Dean growled and shook his head.  
  
“No. I don’t. I want Anna, she’s amazing and everything I’ve been looking for. And it’s not like I could just dump Anna and move onto her brother even if that was the case and besides he’s got a boyfriend and a pretty decent set up with him. Cas is just a great one night stand and that’s all he’s ever gonna be.” Sam shook his head and sipped on his water.  
  
“Yeah well I think you changed that last night when you kissed him.” Dean frowned and bit at his bottom lip. “How did he take the kiss? Not too bad if Anna doesn’t know about it.”  
  
Dean pursed his lips and looked about their bar, at Jo and Ash who were laughing over some story Ellen was telling them, to the two older men who sat with their heads bowed towards each other, deep in conversation. He ran his hand through his hair and recalled how Castiel tasted, how he had melted into Dean’s arms and returned the kiss with almost slow open mouth licks. He thought of Castiel’s fingers that scratched soft trails over his scalp and his hips that had pressed forward, his teeth that had bit him raw. He rubbed his fingers over his lips at the phantom memory and shifted slightly in his seat. “That good, huh?” Sam asked and Dean shook his head.  
  
“Fuck, Sam, how did this happen?” Sam huffed a humorless laugh and shrugged his shoulders.  
  
“Dude, I have no clue. But you better figure out stuff and fast.” Dean nodded and heaved a heavy sigh before raising his hand a motioning Jo over. At Sam’s confused glance Dean glowered.  
  
“I need a drink.” Sam rolled his eyes and nodded as Jo made her way over, eyebrow raised and memo pad at the ready.  
  
“You ready to spill?” she asked and Dean shook his head. She sighed and leaned forward. “The usual then?”  
  
“Yeah,” Dean nodded, looking at Sam who pushed his messenger back into the booth and shrugged out of his coat, tapping his index finger on the table as Jo nodded and bounded off towards the bar. Dean looked at his brother and sighed. He had no idea how he was going to salvage everything and from the look on his brother’s face, he doubted Sam would be much help.


	4. Chapter 4

He hadn’t meant to drink as much as he had. He hadn’t even meant to return to the bar but Dean had always been good at convincing himself that he had time for things he didn’t. Like drinking. He knew that he was only prolonging the inevitable, knew he would have to confess his indiscretions to Anna sooner or later, but Dean found himself pushing it off for as long as he could. Still he found himself standing outside Anna’s apartment a bit too soon for his liking.

His knocks fell too hard on the door and Dean quickly realized that it would have been better to be sober for the conversation. He took a deep breath and tried to steel himself, tried to stand straighter and look more sober than he felt. He knew he had failed when Anna opened the door and her bright smile faltered at the sight of him.

“Dean? What’s wrong?” She opened the door and led him in and to the couch, worry etched across her brow. Dean felt like shit for making her worry. He felt even worse when he realized how much he was about to hurt her. He felt his face crumble at the thought and rubbed a hand over it, trying to hide. “Dean?” Anna’s arm wrapped around him and pulled him close, her small hand rubbing soothing circles between his shoulder blades. He reveled under her touch and then quickly shrugged her off, forcing himself up off the couch and stumbling away from her, putting distance between them, either to protect her or himself. He was almost positive it was the latter.

“I need to tell you something.” He sighed, trying to steady himself. He found himself staring at the floor, at his scuffed up boots against her pristine hardwood floors and forced himself to look up, to look at her. Anna met his gaze easily, her brow furrowed, a frown turning down her usual steady smile. She looked too much like Castiel and Dean found his gaze wondering again.

“I guess whatever you’re about to tell me is pretty bad,” she said softly. She stood up and took a step towards him and Dean stumbled back, shaking his head. “What is it? Did something happen?” He nodded and took a deep breath.

“I slept with your brother.” The sentence seemed to echo throughout the apartment and Anna stood stalk still in the following silence, disbelieving. She shook her head and even backed away from Dean before she seemed to stop herself. She opened her mouth and then promptly shut it and Dean knew she was searching for the right words though Dean didn’t know what the right words were. “Anna?” he started cautiously, softly but Anna shook her head and looked around the room for a moment longer, eyes settling on pictures on Castiel, pictures Dean had never noticed before.

“When?” she asked softly and Dean shrugged his shoulders, surprised by the question. He had figured that when he told her he would be berated with shrill yells about trust, monogamy, and love while random objects hurtled at him. Neither happened.

“Over a year ago,” he replied, trailing off and realizing that it had sounded more like a question than a statement when Anna turned her gaze back to him, her lips pursed. “A year ago,” he nodded, confirming it. She sighed and sat heavily down on the couch behind her, nodding along with him.

“So before we started?” Dean nodded and took a step towards her but didn’t go further when she grimaced and buried her face in her hands. “When did you,” she paused, her voice muffled by her hands. She took a deep breath and let her hands drop, settling her eyes on Dean. “When did you realize?" 

Dean sighed heavily and began to pace the room, raking his fingers through his hair as if the touch could somehow give him the right words to fix it. “About a month now. I recognized him from the pictures.” Anna nodded and Dean watched as her knuckles turned white against her knees. He stood still, instantly sobered by her reaction, taking in every detail, the way she held her breath as she turned the information over in her head, the way her eyes flickered as new questions burst forth in her mind, the way she slumped forward as she finally exhaled before taking another breath to steady herself against the onslaught of questions that begged to drop from her mouth.

“So when we had dinner with them the first time, you knew.” Dean nodded. “And you didn’t tell me because?” Dean shrugged helplessly and knew he had giving the wrong answer when Anna pursed her lips once more and nodded harshly, her brows crinkling. “Did you want to see how he’d react? Were you using me to get to him again?” 

“No!” Dean exclaimed, propelled forward by his own admission as he dropped to his knees before her as if to plead for mercy. “No, of course not. I didn’t tell you because I was afraid.” Anna scoffed and Dean grimaced, understanding her disbelief. “Anna I like you a lot. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a very long time and I know you were taking a leap of faith of me when we started. I am well aware of my reputation.”

“I never cared about your reputation, Dean,” Anna interrupted, her face falling and Dean’s heart fell with it at the sight of her.

“I didn’t want to ruin this, whatever this is, was.” Anna huffed a forced laugh.

“Is this your way of breaking up with me?” she asked, incredulous. Dean quickly shook his head in the negative, reaching forward and grasping her hands in his.

“No, not at all. I just thought-“ he paused and bit his lip, trying to find the words but failing miserably. He had never been good with words, especially when it came to relationships. “I don’t want this to end. I just couldn’t keep it from you anymore.”

Anna nodded and pulled her hand out from under his, rubbing at her knuckles absently as she ran over the conversation in her mind. Dean sat back on his heels, his shoulders slumped forward as he bit at his lip and wondered if he had just ruined the first good thing he had managed to grab a hold of in a long time. “Do you want to?” he asked softly after another moment of silence.

“Do I want to what?”

“Break up,” Dean shrugged helplessly and Anna warily shook her head and Dean let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. “Good,” he nodded, gaze trailing over Anna’s clasped hands before looking up at her. She frowned and shook her head before standing up and maneuvering around him, putting space between them once more. Dean sighed and stood up along with her, shoving his hands down into his pockets. “Should I leave?”

“Yeah,” Anna nodded, biting her lip again, turning it bright red. “I’ll call you later. I just need time to process.” Dean nodded along with her as he slowly shuffled towards her, resting a tentative hand on her arm. He leaned forwards and ducked his head to kiss her and immediately felt awkward when she titled her head away from him. He sighed and kissed her forehead, wishing he could take the entire conversation back. “Go, Dean.” Dean nodded and made his way out of the apartment.

The keys to the impala clinked in his pocket and he patted them carefully before pulling out his cell and pressing number one on his speed dial. It took two rings before the call was picked up as Dean exited the apartment building and stared at his car, it’s front passenger wheel up on the curve. “Hey, Sam,” he paused and listened as his brother snipped at him for the late call while he looked over the gleaming exterior, noting no visible damage had been done in his reckless, drunken haste to get to Anna. “Yeah, man, I know, I’m sorry. Could you pick me up?” He leaned up against his car and felt the cool metal seep into his skin. “Yeah, I’m outside Anna’s- yeah I told her.” Dean closed his eyes and listened as Sam empathized profusely over the phone. “Yeah, dude, this can wait till you pick me up.” He could practically hear Sam’s bitch face through the small cell and he smiled. “Bitch. And thanks again.” He flipped the cell shut and shoved it into his pocket with his car keys. He debated briefly about trying to re-park her but decided against it, not daring to risk any damage to her and counting himself lucky that he hadn’t on his drive over from the bar. He sighed and sat down on the curb next to her as he waited. He desperately wanted another drink and hoped Sam would be abiding when he asked.

 

* * *

 

The ringing of his cell shattered any hope Castiel had of delving back into a peaceful sleep cuddled up in Balthazar’s side. He tried to ignore it, willed it to go away as he nuzzled his nose into Balthazar’s armpit and pulled the other man closer, twining their legs together as Balthazar snuffed in his sleep and scratched absently at his chest. The ringing didn’t stop and soon Balthazar was pushing Castiel away and turning over, grumbling as he did so. Castiel sighed and forced himself up on his elbows, twisting in the sheets to get a look at his cell on his nightstand. He wondered absently who would be calling him at three in the morning but his thought was cut short at Balthazar’s curt grumble, “If you don’t answer it in the next three seconds I will break it.”

Castiel chuckled and pressed a soft kiss to the nape of Balthazar’s neck before he pushed himself up off the bed and grabbed his cell, exiting the room as quickly and quietly as he could. He frowned as he read the caller ID and swiped the cell’s touch screen to answer it. “Anna?” he whispered with a yawn as he settled into the couch, curling his legs up underneath him.

“Did you sleep with Dean?” Castiel jerked backwards and away from his cell, looking at it confusedly for a moment as if it could answer his questions before he brought it back up to his ear.

“What?” he asked, frowning.

“You heard me, Castiel. Did you sleep with Dean?” Anna curtly replied. Castiel sighed and shook his head, wondering why Dean had decided to tell his sister without him and why he had apparently waited until three in the morning to do so. “Well?”

“Yes, Anna. Dean and I had sex.” He heard Anna curse, her voice slightly muffled as if she had pulled her phone away from her. “It was also over a year ago, I had been spectacularly drunk and confident I would never see him again.”

“He told me that,” Anna whispered and Castiel could imagine her nodding, sitting curled up in her bed, her lower lip caught between her teeth as she tried to make sense of everything. “Not that you were drunk, but that it had happened long before us.” Castiel waited patiently for Anna to continue but she sat silently on her end. Castiel sighed after waiting three minutes and looked towards his bedroom, craving the warmth of his covers and Balthazar’s arms.

“Anna, I don’t mean to be rude, especially after this, but isn’t this something that should be discussed in person?”

“Since when are you aware of social norms?” Anna sniped and Castiel resisted the urge to hang up on her then.

“Anna you woke me up at three in the morning on a school night to ask me whether or not I had sex with your boyfriend over a year again before you even knew him. I answered and I’ve been patient while you’ve sat and thought but I’m tired, I have an eight AM lecture in the morning and this is something we should talk about in person not over the phone.” Anna huffed and sat quietly on her end for another minute before she answered.

“Fine. Tomorrow. And I want all the details Castiel, everything.” Castiel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, nodding silently as he responded.

“Of course Anna. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Before he could ask for a time, he heard the dial tone signaling the end of the call. Castiel heaved a sigh and clutched his cell tightly in his hands, wishing he knew what to expect from Anna and wondering how much he would be willing to tell. He stood up and stretched, dropping his cell onto the coffee table before making his way back into the bedroom.

He crawled onto the bed, stretching out next to Balthazar, his arm wrapping around Balthazar’s stomach to pull him closer. Balthazar grumbled and turned towards Castiel in his sleep, his steady breath ghosting across Castiel’s lips. Castiel sighed and closed his eyes, willing all thoughts of Anna and Dean out of his mind.

 

* * *

 

It had taken Dean way too long to locate the office, let alone the building and the campus maps really did not help in directing him anywhere. The fact that the woman at the front desk was automatically dismissive of him simply because of the grease under his fingernails didn’t exactly help his mood either. Still, after the woman sniffing at him for five minuets, he found himself following students down a long hall until he finally stopped beside a plaque that read _Room 1108 - Prof. Castiel Novak Ph.D._

Dean stopped and took a deep breath, cataloguing everything he wanted, needed, to say to Castiel before Anna confronted him about what Dean had told her the night before. The door to his office stood slightly ajar and soft voices filtered through it. H wondered briefly if Castiel was with a student, and thought for a moment that he should come back later but knew if he left he wouldn’t gather the nerve to come back again. He reached forward to knock when he heard Castiel. “Maybe you’re right, maybe I should tell her everything.” Dean leaned forward, almost pressing his ear to the door.

“Of course I’m right! I mean come on Cassie, what do you think is gonna happen? Do you think this is going to end well for you if you don’t?” Gabriel asked and Dean cringed inwardly. It would be his luck that the one person who probably hated Dean, and with good reason to, would be there. A twenty-something brushed past him and nearly knocked him into the door. He glared after her but quickly returned his focus to the conversation inside.

“Frankly Gabriel, it’s not me I’m worried about. I can handle anything Anna dishes me and we both know I deserve it after what happened.” Gabriel scoffed loudly and Dean couldn’t help the scowl that pulled at his lips due to the sound.

“I told you. I told you that this would happen but you wouldn’t listen.”

“Jesus, Gabriel! It was just a kiss!” Castiel sighed out, exasperated. Dean could just imagine him slouched over a cluttered desk, those long fingers raking through his dark hair. 

“It would have been more if Anna hadn’t been there and you know it.” Dean frowned and wondered just how much Gabriel thought of his younger brother. Castiel sat silent under the accusation and Dean quickly found himself wondering if perhaps what Gabriel said was the truth. “Damn it Cas, you’re supposed to tell me that I’m wrong. Do you actually like this guy?”

“Gabriel,” Castiel growled as if in warning. “You need to let go of this idea, right now.”

“Well you’re not exactly denying it!” Gabriel exclaimed loudly and Dean leaned back from the door. Another student passing by raised an eyebrow at him and he gave a small smile as if to reassure the stranger he had every right being there.

“Fine Gabriel, I won’t deny that I find Dean very attractive and that yes, under different circumstances I probably would pursue a physical relationship with him.” Gabriel gave a derisive snort. “But he’s dating Anna and I would never purposely do anything to damage my relationship with her and frankly Gabriel, I’m offended that you think I would stoop so low.” It was silent for a moment and Dean mulled over Castiel’s words in his head, finding himself stuck at Castiel’s admission. 

“I know you wouldn’t, Cassie,” Gabriel said softly and Dean found himself straining to hear. “Look, tell her, don’t tell her, it’s up to you. Just really think about who you’re trying to protect here. Are you really doing this for Anna?” Silence once again filled the room and Dean pulled away from the door and pressed up against the wall as his mind raced. 

He had little time to gather his thoughts though as the shuffling of footsteps gave way to the door opening and Castiel stepped forward. His eyes widened when they took in Dean’s presence and Dean noted he was right when he pictured Castiel’s hands raking through his hair as it stood up at odd angles about his head. “Dean.” Dean nodded and shifted from one foot to the other as he shoved his fisted hands into the pockets of his leather jacket.

“Hey,” he mumbled, watching as Castiel’s face went from surprise to curious in a matter of seconds that seemed to stretch into minutes. He titled his head to the side and leaned into the door jam, his sleeves rolled up his forearms and his blue tie pulled loose around his neck. Gabriel peered out from his shoulder and frowned.

“How long have you been there, Dean-o?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as his gaze flitted between both men. Dean shrugged and forced his gaze from Castiel’s face, his squinted blue eyes and pink lips, to Gabriel.

“I dunno, a couple of seconds?” Gabriel nodded, the left corner of his mouth pulling up in disbelief.

“Yeah, and how much did you hear?” Dean’s eyes widened and he took a step back, shaking his head to deny the implication of eavesdropping though he was very much guilty of it.

“Gabriel,” Castiel sighed, shaking his head before dropping his forehead to the door jam and pressing it there. Dean watched, frowning as the man before him seemed to age five years. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Gabriel huffed but nodded, shrugging on the coat he had been holding.

“You better.” He paused, taking a deep breath and eyeing Dean up and down before he stepped forward into the other man’s space. “I’m watching you,” he stated, pointing a finger and taking immense pleasure in jabbing it at Dean’s chest. “You do anything to hurt Anna _or Castiel_ and I can promise you they’ll never find the body. You understand me?” Dean frowned, his brows furrowing as he pursed his lips.

“Gabriel,” Castiel huffed. He tugged his older brother away and shook his head. Gabriel bit his bottom lip and nodded before making his way down the hall towards the exit but not before shooting Dean his deadliest glare. Dean watched as the other man sauntered down the hall and realized that Gabriel probably meant to hurt him no matter what Dean did. Any thought of the elder Novak quickly disappeared when Castiel touched his shoulder and Dean found himself once again face to face with the man who had been haunting his dreams for nights now, months if he was honest. 

“Come on, Dean,” he said softly, gesturing to his office with a nod of his head. Dean nodded numbly and followed him in, taking in the cluttered desk, the shelves filled with numerous texts and Castiel’s waistcoat draped across the plush leather couch to the left. Castiel seated himself down behind his desk, his hand raking through his hair before he motioned for Dean to take the seat across from him. “How can I help you?”

“I was hoping we could talk,” Dean answered, frowning as the other man refused to make eye contact with him, instead focusing on trying to organize the mess of papers on his desk. Castiel nodded and looked up at him once as if to say ‘continue’ and Dean shifted awkwardly in his seat before leaning forward and grasping one of Castiel’s hands, stilling his movements. “Kind of hard to talk when you’re not focused on the conversation.”

“Sorry,” Castiel murmured, slowly pulling his hand out from under Dean’s before clasping them together on the desk. “My apologies. What did you want to talk about?” Dean sighed and found himself running a hand through his own hair as if it would force his thoughts to his mouth.

“About Anna.” Castiel nodded and his eyes once more darted about the room before finally settling on Dean, his face grim as if he knew their conversation would not be pleasant but was steeling himself for it anyway. “Has she talked to you?” Castiel nodded and Dean cursed softly, frustrated with Anna but more with himself. “You-“ he paused, trying to get his thoughts in order, trying to figure out how to best word his next question. “Did you tell her? About the other night?”

“No,” Castiel sighed, shaking his head. “Not yet.” Dean’s eyes widened and he shook his head.

“Shit. Fuck, Cas, you want to tell her?” Castiel nodded.

“Of course. She’s my sister Dean. No matter what you think or Gabriel thinks, I’m going to do what best for Anna.” Dean shook his head and gave a soft growl behind closed lips. “What exactly do you propose I do, Dean.”

“Don’t tell her! It was a fluke, it’ll never happen again.” Castiel’s eyes narrowed and he leaned forward as if to get a better look at Dean. Dean forced himself to look back but fidgeted in his seat as he did so. “It won’t happen again,” he repeated, whether for his benefit or Cas’ he wasn’t sure.

“Dean, I cannot stress how bad it would be for both of us if Anna found out on her own.”

“You think it’s gonna be okay if we tell her?” Dean scoffed, raising an eyebrow. “Cause I can tell you right now, it’ll just make things worse. And not just for me. Yeah I’m the asshole boyfriend who she can break up with and never see again. But you? You’re the asshole brother who betrayed her.” Castiel rose from his chair slowly, his hands fisted, knuckles turning white, as he leaned towards Dean, his gaze piercing and harsh.

“You know nothing of my relationship with my sister, Dean Winchester, and if this is how you think you can convince me to keep this a secret you are sorely mistaken,” he growled and Dean leaned back in his chair as if to put more room between them. “If that is all, I suggest you leave before I make you.” Castiel sat back down then and turned his attention towards his desk once more, dismissing Dean entirely.

Dean got up from his chair and made his way over to the door but halted once his fingers touched the doorknob. He looked back at Castiel who had given up at organizing the mess of papers in front of him in favor of dropping his head into his hands. He took a breath and turned around. “You’re right. I don’t know anything about your relationship with Anna and if anyone had tried that line on me about my brother, I’d be pissed to.” Castiel dropped his hands to the desk and looked up, brow furrowed in confusion, lips sealed tight. “Whatever you decide, I’ll deal with as it’s my own damn fault anyways. I just-“ He paused and looked upwards to get away from Castiel’s heavy stare. “Outside of my brother she’s the only good thing I’ve got,” he said with a shrug.

Castiel’s eyes widened only a fraction but it was enough to let know that what Dean said hit home. He nodded, frowning even more. “Okay.”

“Okay? You mean you’re not gonna tell her?” Dean asked taking a step forward. Castiel huffed and shook his head. “Then what?”

“I won’t lie to her Dean. Whatever she asks, I’ll tell her the truth. What happens next is up to her, you understand?” Dean nodded and realized that Castiel was right, what happened next was up to Anna. He turned to leave and paused when Castiel made a soft sound. “For what it’s worth Dean, I’m sorry that this has happened.”

“Yeah, me too, Cas,” Dean replied with a soft smile before he left. Castiel sighed and rested his head on his arms, wondering how he was going to make it through the day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter five is finally finished and ready for your consumption. It is not beta'd so any mistakes are mine and I am deeply sorry and I hope that it doesn't turn you off the story. Enjoy!

“Did you know?” Castiel froze in the doorway of his apartment, arm outstretched to deposit his keys on the sideboard next to the door. Anna sat on the couch, her hands gripping her knees and her knuckles white. Castiel sighed and let the keys drop, closing the door softly behind him. Anna turned to look at him and asked again. “Did you know?”

Castiel shrugged out of his overcoat and hung it up before dropping his messenger bag under the sideboard. “Did I know what, Anna?” he asked calmly as he made his way into the living room. Anna’s eyes narrowed and Castiel wondered for a moment if she would simply stare at him until he understood what she was asking. He did understand but he wanted Anna to be clear about her questions so he could be clear about his answers.

“Did you know who Dean was?” she asked, sighing as she closed her eyes. “At the first dinner, did you know?” Castiel nodded and sat down softly on the adjacent chair, giving Anna space though his first instinct was to bundle her in his arms as he had done when they were children.

“Yes,” he whispered when Anna didn’t open her eyes and she nodded before shaking her head slightly as if to clear her mind before she opened her eyes and turned her gaze to him. Her eyes were tinted red, puffy, as if she had been crying and her bottom lip was swollen, no doubt from her chewing on it as she ran the information through her head. Castiel bit his own lip and waited.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, the corners of her mouth drooping low, her brows drawn together in confusion. Castiel felt himself shrug and forced himself to hold her gaze though he desperately wanted to look away.

“You’re in love, Anna,” he murmured. “It was obvious and who was I to steal that from you?” Anna shook her head once more, whether because she didn’t agree with him or because she simply didn’t want to hear. “It happened a long time ago, Anna.”

“I know, I know,” she said, the second time softer as if to say it to herself. Castiel nodded and sat quietly, waiting for Anna to continue. However she let the silence sit heavy between them and even though Castiel was known for being stoic, sometimes even emotionless, he found himself fidgeting in his seat, desperately wishing that Anna was gone and that he could curl up on the sofa under a blanket with a glass of wine and simply forget Dean, Anna, Dean and Anna; everything. He sighed and looked away, focusing on the coffee table in front of him.

“Is there anything else you want to know?” he asked quietly. Anna tensed and Castiel watched as she rubbed at her knuckles, pressing color back into them. She inhaled deeply, her breath shuddering on the exhale.

“When exactly did it happen?” Castiel froze and watched as Anna turned her watery blue eyes to him, piercing him, seeing through him. He shook his head, holding his breath and Anna slumped forward slightly, her brows pulling together and her nose scrunching up. “It happened that night, didn’t it?” When he didn’t reply Anna dropped her head once more into her hands and heaved a shuddering breath. “Shit, Cas,” she breathed, rubbing at her eyes before turning them to him, red and brimming with fresh tears. “No wonder you didn’t tell me.”

Castiel shrugged and wished he knew the right words to say but none came and all he could do was sit in silence as Anna stared.  She waited for a moment and then wiped the unshed tears from her eyes before rubbing her palms on her jeans, nodding as she did so. “I guess I’ve got one more question then and you’re going to think it’s stupid but I need you to be honest,” she said softly and Castiel felt himself nod numbly along. “Do you like him?” Castiel felt his eyes widen a fraction and tried to school his face to its usual blank expression.

“I- I’m afraid I don’t understand,” he began but Anna stopped whatever more he had been about to say with an eye roll.

“Yes, you do, Castiel. Do you like Dean?” Castiel’s brows furrowed upwards and he bit at his lower lip, silently pleading with his sister not to ask him, not to blame him for the downfall of her relationship though he knew she had every right to. Before he could answer vocally, though he was sure his expression was answer enough, heavy banging sounded from the door.

Anna and Castiel frowned simultaneously, and Castiel was sure under different circumstances they would have laughed at how their expressions matched so perfectly. But it was a somber weight that had settled in the apartment and the banging on Castiel’s door only grew louder and more erratic. “Castiel!” a voice called, though muffled, as if the speaker was pressed up against the door. “Let me in,” it slurred and the door handle jiggled plaintively as Castiel’s frown deepened and he crossed the living room to the door. Anna sat quietly on the couch, her head once more pressed into her hands.

“Brother, please,” the voice whined and Castiel cautiously opened the door only to have his brother collapse into his arms. Lucifer grappled at Castiel’s arms and tried to heave himself up as his feet tripped underneath of him, his face shoved into Castiel’s shoulder.

“Luc- what?” Castiel began but was cut off by Lucifer burring his face into his neck as a wave of sobs overtook him, his wails muffled by the cotton of Castiel’s shirt.

“She left me, Cassie. Lilith left me,” he whined, his fingers digging into Castiel’s arms and he winced under the bite of his brother’s fingernails. The smell of alcohol affronted Castiel as he maneuvered his older brother into his apartment, closing the door behind him. Lucifer heaved deep breaths and rubbed his face against Castiel, smearing tears, spit, and snot against Castiel’s skin and shirt. Castiel grimaced and tried to pull away but Lucifer pulled him in tighter and sniffled once more before looking over Castiel’s shoulder and spotting Anna sitting on the couch.

He stood up straight then and stumbled at the sudden movement as Castiel steadied him. He wiped at his reddened face and leaned against Castiel, crossing his arms over his chest as he nodded at Anna who continued to frown. “Hey Anna,” he coughed and Castiel huffed as he braced his brother’s weight. “You get dumped too?” Castiel grunted and stepped back, letting Lucifer slump to the floor as Anna let out a groan and buried her face in her hands once more. Lucifer whined and rubbed at his hip and he pouted up at Castiel from his sprawl on the floor. “What’d you do that for?” he slurred.

Castiel shook his head and pulled Lucifer up off the floor. “Come on, into bed you go. We can talk about it in the morning.” Lucifer heaved a sigh but nodded, slinging his arm around Castiel’s neck as Castiel guided him towards the guest room.

“Thank you brother,” Lucifer slurred, his weight heavy against Castiel’s side. Castiel merely nodded and maneuvered Lucifer into the room, letting him fall to the bed. He collapsed and immediately sprawled out onto the bed, feet hanging off the edge. When Castiel returned to the living room Anna was gone.

 

* * *

 

Castiel cringed as Lucifer leaned on the counter, his tongue slicing lewdly over his teeth as Jess took their order. She smiled gently but rushed away from his brother’s stare as soon as she could. Castiel smacked Lucifer upside the head and frowned as Lucifer yelped and rubbed gingerly at the back of his head. “What the hell was that for?” he pouted and Castiel pulled him over to his usual seat once Jess slid their orders over.

“Because Jess is a sweet girl and she doesn’t need you leering and making her uncomfortable.” Lucifer rolled his eyes and slouched into Castiel’s preferred seat much to Castiel’s annoyance. He grinned and sipped on his coffee as Castiel sat down across from him.

“I do not leer baby brother,” Lucifer drawled, letting his gaze return to the blonde for a few more moments before looking back at Castiel who merely rolled his eyes, exasperated by Lucifer already. “Anyways, now that I am sober and dealing with a wicked migraine which you refuse to give me aspirin for, why don’t you tell me what’s going on between you and our favorite sister.” Lucifer grinned wickedly, entirely too happy with himself for someone with a supposed killer headache.

“I’m surprised you noticed,” Castiel replied and Lucifer rolled his eyes.

“It wasn’t hard to notice. The tension in that room last night was suffocating. I just chose to ignore it.” Lucifer shrugged his shoulders and propped his feet up on the coffee table and refused to drop them at Castiel’s glare. “Well?” he led, raising a fair eyebrow upwards in question.

“It’s none of your business and frankly you would do more harm than good if you knew the details,” Castiel said, taking a sip of his coffee and shutting down the conversation before it begun but Lucifer plowed on anyway, heedless to Castiel’s unvoiced warning. He placed a hand over his heart and his lips dropped into a frown in mock hurt.

“I would never,” he began. “Come now, Cassie, and share. It doesn’t have anything to do with that Crowley character does it?” Castiel rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Good. I hated that asshole. Never understood what it was you saw in him,” Lucifer glowered, sinking low into his seat, his cup pressed to his bottom lip. They sat quietly for a moment, Castiel sipping at his coffee, eyes trained towards the window, the street, and the people bustling by, aware of his brother’s steady gaze. “It hasn’t happened again with Balthazar, has it?”

Castiel gave a soft sad smile and shook his head. “No.” A slow grin crept onto Lucifer’s lips and he whistled appreciatively as he leaned forward, his feet dropping loudly to the floor.

“My, my, Castiel. What have you done?” Castiel frowned and looked at his brother, head tilted slightly in question. “Did you finally give Anna a taste of her own medicine? Though I don’t usually condone such acts on family, I have to admit I never saw this coming, especially since it’s been over a year. What you have done is positively evil. 

“I haven’t done anything,” Castiel growled as he sat straight in his seat, eyes narrowed into a glare as Lucifer positively beamed, almost giddy.

“Oh but you have. I can tell. And the best part it you’ve made Anna believe that she deserved it. Bravo, Cassie.”

“Shut up. That’s not how it is. I would never-“ Lucifer waved Castiel off and sobered his expression quickly.

“I know, Castiel. I know you are a better man than all of us.” Castiel quieted and looked away, his coffee gone cold. Lucifer sighed and reached out, gently squeezing his shoulder. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? I might be able to help, give a different perspective.” Castiel shrugged Lucifer’s hand off and shook his head. His brother merely sighed and drained the rest of his cup, putting it down on the coffee table before propping up his feet and folding his hands across this stomach. He sighed once more, loudly before pouting and knocking his feet against Castiel’s knee. “Talk to me.”

“About what, Lucifer?” Castiel frowned and Lucifer grinned, shrugging his shoulder slightly.

“Anything. Tell me about this guy, this Dean,” he said with a grin. Castiel shook his head. Lucifer huffed and pushed himself up as he stretched his arms over his head, his shirt rising slightly to reveal pale skin and red scratches that stretched the length of his hips and disappeared into his jeans. When he noticed Castiel’s raised brows, he slapped at them lightly and grinned. “Lillith. Don’t know what I’ll do without her, she makes it hurt in all the right places.” Castiel rolled his eyes as Lucifer shrugged his shoulders. “However, that perky blonde might be just the girl to help me move on.”

“Luc- no,” Castiel sighed but Lucifer waved him off and sauntered over to the counter. Castiel sunk further down into his seat and watched as his older brother leaned against the counter, a soft smile playing across his lips as he flirted with the young barista. Jess seemed okay with the attention though she did keep a good distance between the counter and herself as she listened to Lucifer talk. She looked over at him once and he mouthed a sincere ‘ _I’m sorry_ ’ at her that she waved off with a small smile before turning her attention back to Lucifer. Castiel shook his head and returned his gaze back to the outside world. Jess was an adult and Castiel had seen her hold her own against the onslaught of unwanted attention over the years since he started frequenting the shop.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, his mind turning over the events of the past night. He knew Anna had more questions, questions that demanded answers that Castiel wasn’t sure he wanted to give. He wasn’t sure he knew the answers themselves. He huffed and rubbed the heels of his palms against his eyes as if the pressure could make his thoughts disappear to never be seen again. The tinkling of the bell over the door cut through his reverie and he looked up to see Dean being shoved through the door by a taller man. He frowned slightly and felt his face slip to impassiveness as Dean stumbled through, stopping short when his green eyes caught Castiel’s.

The man behind Dean gave another shove, one towards Castiel, as he pushed back his hair from his face and nodded over towards the coffee bar where Lucifer and Jess chatted amiably. Dean shrugged and nodded back and the taller man turned away, but not before giving Castiel a soft smile and nod. He stared after him, confused and watched as he approached the bar and began talking to Jess and Lucifer. He could feel Dean staring and he wondered briefly why he was there as Lucifer stepped back and made a grand sweeping motion with his arm before settling back and letting his gaze sweep appreciatively across the man’s backside. His lips widened in a smile that reminded Castiel of a shark as he looked over and gave him two thumbs up before returning his gaze and grin to the man and Jess in front of him.

“You know that dude?” Dean asked, his voice startling Castiel slightly as he jerked and turned to face him. Dean was watching Lucifer with wary attentiveness, his hands clenched into fists at his sides and his lips pulled downwards in a frown. “He’s eyeing Sammy like he’s a piece of meat.” Castiel sighed and fiddled with his coffee cup, wishing for a moment that it were still warm. 

“That would be Lucifer,” Castiel said softly. Dean’s gaze settled swiftly back on Castiel’s face as he fiddled with the cup in his hands before setting it back down on the table. “Another brother.” He saw Dean nod slowly out of his peripheral and rock back on the heels of his feet, his hands now shoved into his pocket. “I assume that is your brother?” he asked, motioning towards the taller man who was now deeply involved in conversation with both Jess and Lucifer, his hands making grand gestures as he talked animatedly while Jess blushed and nodded along and Lucifer calmly added his own points to the topic. Dean nodded and slowly sat down in the seat Lucifer had vacated as if to not startle Castiel by his proximity.

Dean sighed loudly and hunched over in his seat, eyes trained on the plain silver band that he twirled around his right hand ring finger. Castiel waited quietly as Dean opened his mouth only to close his seconds later and breath heavily out his nose. “Dean?” Castiel prompted and the other man looked up, eyes meeting briefly before he looked away and wiped a palm over his face, rubbing harshly at his stubble.

“Anna hasn’t called,” he began and Castiel felt his breath hitch in his throat for a moment before stuttering out slowly as Dean continued. “I was wondering if you’ve heard from her, if she’s told you anything.” Castiel shook his head slowly and watched as Dean hunched down further and nodded, his lips pressed in a thin line. “Well I guess that’s my answer then.”

“Dean-“

“It’s cool Cas. It’s probably better this way. Now everyone can move on and there’ll be no more dealing with this,” he paused waving his hand in the space between Castiel and himself. “That’s gotta be a weight off your shoulders, right?” He gave a small, but pitiful, smile and shrugged his own shoulders as Castiel sighed and shook his head.

“Dean, you’re jumping to conclusions.” Dean shook his head and leaned away from Castiel, sitting up taller as his face twisted in disbelief.

“Yeah- right. It’s okay, I get it. After finding out about our past and the fact that we kissed again, who wouldn’t want to just cut all ties?” Castiel rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“She doesn’t know, Dean. Lucifer interrupted before we even got that far and right now I think Anna’s troubles more lie with me than with you.” Dean sat quietly, still, as he took in Castiel’s words.

“So you mean I still have a chance,” Dean asked, frowning slightly. Castiel nodded and Dean slumped back in his seat, shaking his head. Castiel sighed softly and stood up, stretching his legs and rolling his shoulders. He caught Lucifer’s attention and nodded towards the door, pleased when his brother gave an answering nod before he turned back towards Sam and Jess to say good-bye. He looked back down at Dean as he rearranged his overcoat.

“There’s always a chance. Just give Anna some time, she’ll come around. However I think it would be prudent if you and I keep our acquaintance to a bare minimum.” Dean frowned, his brows pulled together as he sat up straighter in his seat. Lucifer approached slowly in the background, his left eyebrow pulled upwards in curiosity.

“So you’re breaking up with me?” Dean asked. Castiel huffed and shrugged his shoulders.

“If that’s how you would like to look at it, then yes, Dean. Once Anna knows all the details, and she will, it will most likely become very stressful for everyone involved. Us keeping our distance would be wise as well as beneficial to your relationship, should you two decide to continue it.” Dean’s frown deepened and he sputtered slightly, his shoulders tense and pulled taut.

“So what, am I just supposed to ignore you or something whenever I see you? How’s that gonna work Cas, you and Anna are like attached at the hip. You’re twins for Christ’s sake!”

“If that’s what works best then yes.” Dean shook his head and slumped back into the seat, his arms crossed across his broad chest. Castiel sighed and nodded once at his brother before he turned towards the door. He could feel Dean’s eyes on him as Lucifer held open the door, the bell tinkling overhead. He couldn’t bring himself to turn around and look at him and he knew he had effectively cut any ties they had to each other. His stomach turned and clenched, his throat pulled tight as he breathed deeply through his nose. The door closed softly behind them and Lucifer nudged Castiel’s shoulder with his own.

He wondered briefly why he felt sick and pushed the answering thought away. It was better for everyone this way. Dean didn’t want any attachment towards Castiel, no matter how unsettled he seemed by Castiel’s proposition and Castiel couldn’t afford to become any more attached to a man he barely knew. He didn’t look back and followed Lucifer steadily as he felt Dean’s eyes bore into the back of his skull.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little bit short and sorry for it being so late. I have to admit I hit a little roadblock but everything is back on track and the next chapter will definitely have more meat to it. Anyways, enjoy! Not beta'd so all mistakes are mine.

Dean glowered as he walked back to his car, Sam talking excitedly at his side about the new friends he had made in the five minutes spent in the coffee shop. Dean tried to listen as Sam gushed about Jess, the first girl he had given any interest in since his failed relationship with Ruby from a year ago, but he found all he could focus on was Castiel and his eagerness to cut all ties with him.

If he thought rationally about it, Dean fully agreed with Castiel’s assessment. They needed to cut ties, try and keep the contact as minimal as possible for both their sakes and especially for Anna’s. It also wasn’t as if Dean was attached to the guy, he barely knew him and only vaguely remembered the one night they had (though the kiss had burned itself into ever fiber of his being- not that he would admit that little tidbit to anyone). Okay, he more than vaguely remembered that night as well, as he was more oft than not to have dreams about Castiel, his body, his mouth, his ridiculously blue eyes. Still, rationally he knew Castiel was right and Dean agreed.

Yet the twisting and churning in his stomach had Dean balking at the suggestion, demanding Castiel’s retraction of the statement and the pursuit of a full-fledged relationship. He wanted to know Castiel, wanted to have him imbedded in every faction of his life. He wanted to know what Castiel’s favorite dish was, if he preferred wine over beer, if he loathed politics and enjoyed theater. He wanted to know if he loved horror films or if he cowered into the shoulder of his partner whenever they watched them cuddled up on his swanky leather couch. He wanted to know what exactly made Castiel break out into gummy smiles that crinkled his nose and pronounced the laugh lines around his eyes. He wanted to know how Castiel would look sitting next to him in the impala with the windows rolled down and the wind carding through his hair and if he would sing at the top of his lungs along to the six cassette tapes Dean cycled through.

He wanted a reminder of how Castiel writhed and moaned and fell apart under his hands and lips.

Dean sighed and tried to shove the thoughts down and away as he crossed the street towards his car, Sam’s long legs tracking to keep up with his sudden change in direction into oncoming traffic. “Dean!” Dean maneuvered around the front of a car that had slid to a sudden stop in front of him and yanked the driver side door to the impala open. He heard Sam give the car behind him an apologetic thump before he folded himself into the passenger side a few moments later. “What the hell was that?” Dean ignored him in favor of starting his car, the engine turning over in a nice smooth rumble. He checked his side view mirror before pulling out of the spot and onto the street. “Well? Are you going tell me what’s up or are you just going to sulk?”

“Not sulking, I’m thinking.” He saw Sam roll his eyes from his peripheral and his frown deepened.

“I’m guessing things didn’t go well with Castiel.” Dean huffed a humorless laugh and shook his head.

“No. It didn’t.” His reply was clipped and harsh, booking no reply or comment needed but Sam continued away, despite the heavy warning in Dean’s voice. 

“You want to tell me what happened?” Dean huffed again and turned down another road, following the familiar route to his apartment.

“No, Sam. I don’t.” He had hoped Sam wouldn’t push, would just leave Dean to stew in his thoughts until he could settle them into neat, tight boxes in his brain and make a decision. He was already leaning towards one but he knew Sam would disapprove. The silence was heavy and oppressive and Dean could practically feel his skin crawl underneath Sam’s assessing gaze. He wouldn’t stop staring until Dean opened up. “Just leave it, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Dean, you look like someone just kicked your puppy.” Dean flushed and shook his head.

“There is no puppy in this scenario. Drop the puppy, Sam.” Sam grunted and pursed his lips, pushing his hair back behind his ear as he turned his gaze towards the road.

“Fine.” Dean nodded sharply, thankful for Sam’s concession. Sam however sat tensed, his brow furrowed and his lips thinned and Dean wondered how long it would be before Sam broke and started pestering him again. Sam managed to wait until Dean was unlocking the door to his apartment ten minutes later. “You know that you’re just angry because you agree with whatever he said and you don’t want him to be right.” 

“Jesus Sam!” He dropped his keys onto the coffee table and made his way into the kitchen. “Can’t you just leave it alone?” He opened the fridge and grabbed a beer, letting the door slam shut. He felt the bottle cap graze and scrape against the inside of his palm as he leveraged it off with his ring. Sam glared as he took a swig. “He doesn’t want to see me anymore, okay?” he ground out. Sam eyes widened in surprise. 

“Is that a bad thing?” he asked slowly, brows pulled upwards in confusion as he crossed into the kitchen. Dean put the beer down and pressed his palms flat on the counter, leaning his weight against it. “I mean, wouldn’t it just make things easier?”

“Easier?” Dean asked, incredulous. “They’re freaking twins, Sam! They’ve got a mind link! I’m pretty sure it’s just going to make things awkward and worse.” He took another swig of his beer and put it back down, picking at the label. He refused to look at Sam, to see the frown and the puppy-dog eyes, the look of understanding, carrying, pity. He shrugged his shoulders and swiped his beer off the counter before he made his way to the living room and plopped down on the couch, turning on the TV.

Sam shuffled in quietly and shook his head. He sat down next to Dean and quietly watched the show though he threw concerned looks at Dean frequently. Dean sighed and finished off his beer, putting it down on the coffee table in front of him before nudging Sam’s leg. “It’s cool Sammy. It’s not like we really knew each other anyway. I’ll deal.” Sam’s concerned stares ceased but the churning in his stomach didn’t and Dean knew that he had lost something important before he had a chance to figure out what it was.

 

* * *

 

Castiel had tried to stave off Lucifer’s fascination with Dean but had failed miserably as the day went on. It didn’t matter how many glares he sent his way, how many times he asked him to drop the topic, or how many times he resolutely ignored him. Lucifer still managed to bring him up even when the conversation had turned elsewhere. It didn’t make things better when Gabriel joined them to dinner. His elder brothers seemed to take absolute glee in tormenting Castiel through talk and visions of Dean. He sighed and sipped at his glass of wine, hoping that when Balthazar finally came home he’d be able to foist Lucifer off on Gabriel for the night.

“Anyways, I suppose I understand what you see in him. He’s very attractive,” Lucifer commented, lips turned upwards in a sly grin as he sipped on his beer. Gabriel rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue, fake dry heaving over his own lap. “Oh come on, Gabe- with those cock-sucking lips, who wouldn’t want to tap that?”

“I don’t care how luscious those lips are, that kid is an idiot,” Gabriel sneered, scrunching up his nose slightly before biting into a piece of chocolate produced from his pocket. Lucifer looked over at Castiel who rolled his eyes and shook his head. Gabriel followed his gaze and blanched slightly, groaning with distaste. “Ugh, can we drop the palooka already? Now all I can think about is Cassie getting down and dirty with him. It’s not an image I want in my head.”

“That’s okay with me. I’d much rather think about his,” Lucifer paused, inhaling deeply as his eyes glazed over, “ _fine_ specimen of a brother.” Castiel shook his head and stood up from the couch before he made his way into the kitchen to refill his glass. He had already heard Lucifer’s newfound obsession with Sam earlier after leaving the coffee shop. Gabriel sat up straight and crooked an eyebrow upward before a shooting Castiel a glance who merely huffed and frowned.

“Dean-o has a brother?” Gabriel asked and Lucifer nodded, his grin widening into a show of teeth as he slumped down on the couch, fingering the neck of his beer bottle.

“Oh yes. The things I would do to him, Gabriel. Even you would be unable to deny his beauty.” Gabriel rolled his eyes and huffed a laugh as Castiel returned to his seat on the opposite end of the couch.

“Already waxing poetic. Good to know you’re over Lillith already, Luc.” Lucifer shrugged his shoulders and finished the remainder of his beer before nudging Castiel’s shoulder as he put the bottle down on the coffee table. Gabriel sighed audibly and shook his head, turning his attention to Castiel as well. “You sure okay with this, kiddo?” Castiel frowned and looked over at Lucifer for clarification.

“He’s asking if you’re sure you’re okay with cutting all ties with Anna’s paramour.” Castiel’s frown deepened as he nodded.

“Yes. It’s better for everyone this way. Besides, I thought you’d be happy about this Gabriel.” Gabriel shrugged his shoulders and leaned forward in his seat as Lucifer watched Castiel carefully.

“Hey, I’m all for dropping Winchester and if we can convince Anna to kick him to the curb, all the better. However, I know you Cassie, and even if you won’t admit it to yourself, you can’t hide it from me.”

“Or me,” Lucifer cut in, his expression solemn and serious as we watched Castiel with all-knowing eyes. “And I just learned all this ooey-gooey goodness today.”

“Fact of the matter is,” Gabriel began, shooting Lucifer a warning glance before returning his attention back to Castiel. “You like him. A lot. More than you’ve liked anyone else before. And you’re just setting yourself up for some serious heart-ache, baby brother.” Castiel frowned and looked down at his wine glass, the red dregs slowly slipping down the sides, as if it held all the answers in the world. He shrugged his shoulders once more for lack of something better to do.

“I don’t know what else I can do. Anna is happy with Dean despite our past and it seems Dean feels the same about her.” He took a sip of his wine and set the glass down on the table before looking between his brother’s worried gazes. “I appreciate what you two are trying to do, but I think it would be better if we move on.” Gabriel opened his mouth to continue but Lucifer cut off whatever he had been about to say but jumping up off the couch and pulling Castiel to his feet.

“Well then, it’s still early. Let’s go out, help me get laid.” Gabriel rolled his eyes but stood as well, placing his own empty bottle down on the table next to Lucifer’s.

“I didn’t realize you needed help,” he quipped and Castiel shook his head but smiled at his brother’s antics before draining his glass and nodding.

“Well then, where to?” Castiel asked, placing his glass down and pushing his brothers towards the door.

 

* * *

 

“Alright Dean, I’m heading out.” Dean sat up from his slouch on the couch and turned around to look at his brother who stood at the door, shrugging on his work coat over a pressed button down and his nicest jeans, his hair pushed back behind his ears and his chin freshly shaved. Dean frowned, as he looked his brother up and down, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“Dude, where are you going? I thought we were doing a chill night in!” Sam huffed and rolled his eyes, delivering bitch face #67 as he grabbed the keys to the impala.

“No, you’re having a chill night in. I have a date,” Sam replied. Dean shook his head and stood up from the couch as Sam turned for the door.

“Wait a second- a date? When the hell did you get a date? Who is this girl?”

“Jess, the girl from the coffee shop. I told you about it earlier today Dean.” Dean’s eyes widened a fraction as he scoffed, shaking his head. “I guess you were too wrapped up trying to figure out the whole ‘Cas thing’ to pay attention.” 

“There is no ‘Cas thing’,” Dean sneered. Sam rolled his eyes and mumbled under his breath turning once more to the door before looking back at his brother. “Go, get out. Have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Sam raised one eyebrow up and Dean waved him off out the door as he made his way into the kitchen. He didn’t miss the wide grin encompassing his brother’s face as he left and Dean realized he was happy for him. It had been too long since his brother had given interest in anyone and if anyone deserved to be in a serious, committed, grown-up relationship it was him.

Dean sighed and produced a beer from the fridge, pulling the bottle cap off with his ring before taking a sip and looking about the kitchen. There were a couple dirty dishes in the sink and he set to them just to give himself something to do. He couldn’t help but be a bit jealous of his brother and his date and wonder how they had changed places.

It was as he was drying the dishes and placing them back in the cabinets that he heard the knock on the door, sharp and short. He snorted, throwing the towel down on the counter as he walked to the door, calling out, “What, did you leave your purse Samantha?” He opened the door to find Anna standing on the other side. “You’re not Sam,” he said softly, frowning slightly. 

Anna shook her head and reached forward, cupping his jaw in her slightly cold hands as she pulled him down and pressed her lips to his. He fumbled slightly, eyes wide before he reached out and pulled her in, relishing in the feel of her soft curves pressed against him. He closed his eyes and breathed deep, her scent filling the air, her lips soft and pressed so firmly to his. She pulled back, her eyes wide and bright as she smiled up at him. “You like me, right?” she gasped and Dean felt himself nod along with her. “Well fuck everything else. I’m in this if you are.”

“Hell yeah, I’m in this,” he said and gave a surprised grunt when she kissed him again, her sudden exuberance pushing him back into the apartment. He grinned into the kiss and wrapped one arm around her waist, lifting her up and spinning her around as he closed the door behind him. 

He ignored the niggling feeling at the back of his mind that told him what was happening was wrong, was slightly off, that she wasn’t the right height, the right shape, the right feel. He buried it under the rush of arousal that speared his gut and had his fingers gripping a little too hard at her hips as they maneuvered from the living room to his bedroom. He told himself he was right where he wanted to be and for the most part he believed it.

Dean sighed into Anna’s mouth as they fell onto the mattress, his fingers rucking up her shirt as her thighs bracketed his hips. He happily fell into her and resolutely ignored the small voice that told him that she wasn’t enough, that he wanted something better.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Told you this chapter would have a bit more meat to it. :) Anyways, it's un-beta'd so all mistakes are mine and I am very sorry if there are many. That's pretty much it, I've got nothing else. So please go ahead and enjoy.

Dean had taken to avoiding the small coffee shop avidly though Sam found excuses to visit it often. He grabbed their morning coffee there, took his lunch breaks there, and even started drinking coffee late in the evening though it wrecked his sleep schedule and was no where near the vicinity of his work office. Dean couldn’t blame him though; things seemed to be building nicely with the sweet blonde barista (and Castiel’s strange and yet enigmatic brother, Lucifer, weirdly enough which no, he did not, would not think about Castiel). Still the thought of even running into… well, needless to say Dean steered clear.

Sam then of course had to throw a curveball by telling Dean that both Jess and Lucifer would be joining them for dinner two weeks after his… whatever with Castiel. He frowned and shook his head, telling Sam he was more than happy to spend the night at Anna’s. Sam frowned and crossed his arms across his chest, shooting Dean yet another patented bitch face. “Dean, I’m bringing my girlfriend, you need to meet her.” 

“I’ve met Jess,” Dean replied, keeping his eyes trained on the T.V. though his entire body pulsed with tension focused on Sam and what he would say next. Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head. 

“You’ve barely said three words to her and I’m introducing her to you as my _girlfriend_ Dean. It’s different and it’s important.” Dean sighed and nodded holding up his hand as a way to placate his giant baby brother.

“Okay, fine. I am more than willing to meet Jess but Lucifer? Really? That guy gives me the creeps,” he stated with an exaggerated shudder. Sam rolled his eyes and crossed the room so that he was standing in front of the T.V., blocking Dean’s view and forcing him to actually focus all of his attention of the conversation. 

“You’ve never even said one word to him Dean!” Dean t’sked and shrugged his shoulder as if that fact didn’t matter. “He’s Anna’s brother, Dean! Shouldn’t you be trying to get along with him since you’ve screwed things up with her twin?” Dean’s eyes hardened and his lips drew into a thin line as his body tensed and his hands clenched over his knees.

“Low blow, Sammy,” he growled, standing up and stalking around the couch to grab his jacket and the keys to the impala. Sam sighed out Dean’s name as if to plead with him but Dean shook his head and shrugged on the old leather.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked, exasperated.

“Out,” was Dean’s curt reply. He thought he heard Sam bark back a ‘fine’ but couldn’t be sure as he opened the door and slammed it behind him. He stalked down the hall and pushed into the stairwell, letting his anger push him quickly down the stairs and into the main lobby where Lucifer stood, waiting patiently by the elevators. He cursed softly and tried to pass the other man quietly, his shoulder hunched and his head bowed but he knew he was spotted when Lucifer let out a low whistle and turned his slow grin to Dean just as he reached the doors to the street.

“Dean.” Dean paused with his hands against the push bar and slowly forced himself to turn around and look at the other man who grinned and meandered over slowly, hands shoved into his jean pockets. “Heading out?” he asked, one fair eyebrow raised upwards in question. Dean nodded dumbly and kept his lips shut. “Sam is still upstairs, right?” Dean nodded again and Lucifer’s smile widened, baring his too white, too straight teeth. “Wonderful, well then, I won’t keep you.” He turned once more towards the elevators but stopped when Dean grunted.

“Dinner isn’t till six,” Dean began grudgingly when Lucifer cocked his eyebrow up at him once more and he nodded and waited for Dean to continue. “Why are you here then?” he asked between slightly clenched teeth. Lucifer shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes.

“Something about helping Sam pick out the right clothes? He really wants to impress the beautiful Jessica though I don’t think he needs to do much,” he stated, looking at Dean as if he understood and they could bond over their exasperated fondness of Sam. Dean felt his upper lip curl into a sneer at the thought of having anything in common with the man in front of him as Lucifer smiled at him. The elevator sounded behind him and the doors slid open with a low groan. “My ride’s here,” Lucifer said happily, stepping back into it and pressing the button to Dean and Sam’s floor before waving a lazy hand at Dean. “I’ll see you a six then,” he grinned as the doors slid shut in front of him.

Dean growled and rolled his shoulders before he turned around and stalked out of the apartment building.

* * *

 _Guess who I just ran into_. Castiel stared down at his phone and frowned as Anna put yet another shirt up against his front, frowning and shaking her head before placing it back on the rack. “No pink,” she concluded, biting his lip as she shuffled about the clothing rack once more, pulling out a deep blue button down and pushing it up against his chest as Castiel replied to the text Lucifer had just sent. He shoved the phone back in his pocket and focused his attention back on Anna as she grinned and nodded her head. “Yes, this color.” She shoved the shirt into his arms that were already loaded with five others and turned around, making her way towards the pants section of the pricey department store, heedless of Castiel who fumbled for the shirt and followed her shortly after.

“I appreciate this Anna, I do, but why are we here again?” he asked, frowning. Anna rolled her eyes and flicked through the rack of slacks, trying to find his size. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out finding a new text from Lucifer.

 _Your boy toy, Dean. He was in quiet a hurry. Trouble in paradise?_ Castiel frowned and looked up at Anna as she flicked through the rack of pants before sending another reply, telling Lucifer that as far as he knew everything was fine and to leave him alone. He turned his attention back to Anna as she began to pull pants off the rack and hold them up to the light to gauge their style and color.

“Because Michael’s annual ‘look at me’ party is upon us and you know how he gets.” Castiel frowned and nodded, recounting the year prior and Michael’s insistence on dressing Castiel up in his oversized suits since Castiel had a poor fashion sense himself. He had spent a majority of the night rolling his sleeves up and holding his pants to his hips in the corner of the room while Michael had frowned disapprovingly over his wine glass as he circulated the room charming all his guests. That was the night he had actually met Balthazar, the one good thing to come out of it.

He grinned at the thought of Balthazar as Anna handed him three different pairs of slacks to try on. She grinned and nudged him towards the dressing room. “Smiling Castiel? You can’t have been thinking about the upcoming festivities then. Spill.” Castiel shrugged and nodded to the attendant who unlocked a room for him.

“Nothing really. Just Balthazar.” Anna gave an exaggerated nod and rolled her eyes fondly as Castiel shut the door and began to try on the clothes they had gathered. His phone buzzed once more.

_Fine party-pooper. I’m over at Sam’s now, see if I can get the scoop since you won’t give me any goods. :P_

Castiel shook his head once more and put his phone down on the ottoman in the room before shrugging out of his clothes. First he tried on the dark charcoal slacks and a deep maroon button down. 

“Things going good for you guys?” Anna asked through the door. Castiel nodded though she couldn’t see him and fumbled with the cuffs of the shirt before buttoning up the front of the shirt. Things had changed slightly since his and Dean’s agreement to effectively end their acquaintance two weeks prior, though Castiel highly doubted that the change had anything to do with that. Balthazar was spending less time out catering to clients and more time at home with Castiel either cuddled up on the couch catching up on the neglected dvr or buried under sheets rediscovering each other. It was as if they had been given a new lease on their relationship and Castiel was happy to find that he was still attracted to the other man.

He opened the door and stepped out, wiggling his socked feet and his arms outstretched as Anna quirked one corner of her mouth to the side and shook her head. Castiel frowned and felt his shoulders drop before he turned around the shuffled back into the changing room. “Just go for the black slacks and that blue button down. And for god’s sake, Cas, leave those top two buttons undone. Show some skin!”

Castiel rolled his eyes and shucked off the button up, taking care to hang it back up before sliding on the blue button down, feel the cool cotton glide across his skin. He sighed and continued changing as Anna began to talk. “After this do you wanna grab some food? There’s a new ale house that opened up and according to my friend Charlie, they had amazing burgers.” Castiel frowned and pulled on the black slacks, shoving his shirt tail in.

“Better than _Abbey_ ’s?” he asked as he buttoned the cuffs before opening up the door once more and stepping out.

“Well I don’t know, I’ve never be-“ Anna paused once she focused on Castiel and let out a low whistle. “Well damn, Cassie, I might have to step up my game if you go with that.” Castiel rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

“You sure I won’t need a blazer or a tie?” Anna waved her hand in dismissal and stepped into his space, slapping his arms so that he lowered them before she smoothed out the material at his shoulders and unbuttoned the two top buttons of his shirt, revealing the pale skin of his clavicle before she stepped back and hummed in approval. “You look perfect, Castiel. Very handsome.” Castiel felt his face heat slightly and was beyond thankful that things seemed to be okay between them.  He shrugged his shoulders and stepped back and Anna shook her head and grinned. 

“So, burgers?” he asked. She laughed and nodded, pushing him back into the dressing room to change back into his clothes.

* * *

Dean really, really, _really_ , did not like Lucifer. Sure, he could admit that perhaps he had judged him a little too quickly when they first met, and it definitely didn’t help that their first meeting was also the same day that Castiel decided to cut him out entirely (again- totally not thinking about him, can’t think about him, _won’t think about him_ ). However as the night wore on, Dean felt he had learned enough of the older man to really have a concrete opinion on him, which was this- Lucifer was a creepy freak who obviously just wanted to get in his baby brother’s pants. The really sad thing was that neither Jess nor Sam either seemed to notice or have a problem with it. Dean however definitely did.

What was worse though was that in his quest to protect Sam from Lucifer’s steady leer, he was sacrificing the chance to really get to know Jess and give her an impression of himself that Sammy could be proud of. Sam was obviously not very happy with Dean’s attitude, Dean who was hostile with Lucifer and curt and best with Jess who smiled prettily and seemed absolutely enamored with Sam (which was amazing because it had become very obvious over the past two weeks that Sam was absolutely head-over-heels possibly in love with her). Sam cleared his throat loudly and pointedly glared at Dean across the dinner table after Jess asked him another question which he had of course missed in favor of glaring at Lucifer who chuckled, obviously amused, and sipped at his wine. Dean snapped his gaze to Sam and frowned.

“Dean, Jess asked you a question,” he clipped, his voice close to a low growl as he kicked at Dean’s shin underneath the table. He jumped and glared at his brother before deciding that perhaps it was time to leave Lucifer alone and get to know the girl Sam brought home. If Sam wasn’t bothered by Lucifer, than Dean shouldn’t be either though his insides railed at the thought. He nodded and tried to smile softly at Jess who blushed sweetly and ducked her head when Dean asked her to repeat her question.

“I asked what you do for a living,” she repeated as she straightened her shoulders and met Dean’s eyes, her voice sweet but strong.

“I’m a mechanic,” he replied and Jess nodded, taking a bite of her dinner, as she waited from him to continue. Sam continued for him instead.

“He’s really great. He rebuilt the impala all on his own,” Sam beamed as he seemed to discard Dean’s earlier behavior and reverting back to his usual state of hero-worship which Dean understood Sam did to build up his ego but secretly thought he didn’t deserve it. Dean gave a strained smile and shook his head, looking down at his dinner plate.

“Bobby helped with it too,” he murmured and shot a glare when Lucifer chuckled softly under his breath. He leaned back in his chair as he put his glass down before folding his hands over his stomach.

“Do you specialize in restoration?” Lucifer asked and Dean felt his grip tighten involuntarily at the sound of his slimy voice.

“No, that’s kind of more of a hobby,” Dean grit out. Sam sighed and rolled his eyes while Lucifer’s eyebrows receded into his hairline as he gave a low, thoughtful hum.

“I ask because I have a 65 Dodge Charger that is in great need of repair.” Dean gritted his teeth and took a sip of his beer as Lucifer leaned casually forward, placing his elbows on the table and resting his chin in his hands as he looked at Dean. “I don’t trust most mechanics, especially since I plan to give this car as a gift, and since Sam has just raved about your talents, I wondered if perhaps you’d be interested.”  Dean hoped that the glare he leveled him expressed just how much he was not interested. Sam and Jess watched the exchange silently, Jess amused and curious, and Sam sending Dean warning glances through out it. “I’d pay for everything of course, any parts needed,” Lucifer shrugged, “and I pay for your services as well, whatever your usual rate is.” Sam gave Dean a smile and nodded, obviously encouraging the deal in hopes of creating a bond between them based on love of classic cars. Dean wanted desperately to say no but he knew Sam would bitch about it later.

“Maybe,” he growled grudgingly. “Depends on how much work I’ve got at the shop.” Lucifer smiled and bowed his head towards Dean in acknowledgment.

“Of course. Let me know when you decide.” Dean nodded stiffly and returned his focus towards his meal. He wasn’t surprised to notice that he had lot his appetite during the coarse of the discussion. He also wasn’t surprised to find Sam staring at him, his expression one of thanks, as though he acknowledged that Dean was trying to be civil. Dean speared a chunk of potato violently and chewed angrily.

“Who’s the car for?” Jess asked after a moment of silence and Dean found his gaze once more fixed on Lucifer who cut into his steak and shrugged his shoulders nonchalant like. 

“My brother,” he began before he took a bite and chewed thoughtfully as Dean tensed in his seat, his eyes wide. “Castiel. His birthday is coming up in a few months and he still insists on driving a rather horrible little VW rabbit that he’s had since high school.” Lucifer looked over at Dean and his horrible grin widened a bit more when he took in Dean’s tense shoulders and angered expression. “Poor Cassie doesn’t have the best taste in a lot of things, cars, clothes,” he paused and took a sip of his wine, eyes trained on Dean to take in his reaction as he grinned and continued, “… men.” Dean sputtered and coughed and pounded at his chest while Jess looked on worriedly and Sam shook his head and stubbornly didn’t say anything. “Oh Dean, food go down the wrong pipe?” Lucifer asked, failing to hide his smile behind the lip of his wine glass. 

Dean shook his head and breathed deep before taking a long drink of his beer, nearly finishing it before he nodded and gritted out, “I’m fine. Just fine.” Lucifer shrugged and Jess turned her attention back to him, unaware of what exactly had just happened though all three men knew.

“Hmm, well,” Lucifer said, returning to what he had been saying before Dean’s cough attack. “I try to help my brother where I can. That and I just can’t help but spoil him. I’m sure Dean here can understand that.”

Dean sputtered and felt his eyes go comically wide as he looked at Lucifer, wondering what the hell the other man meant. Lucifer frowned, his brows furrowing exaggeratedly as he met Dean’s gaze. “Well, I’m sure you spoil Sam here, right?” he asked, his large hand gripping Sam’s shoulder firmly, slipping over to rub the back of Sam’s neck under his hair and give it a firm squeeze before pulling away as Sam smiled awkwardly and Dean felt like if he widened his eyes anymore they would fall out of his head. He forced his expression to calm and he nodded quietly as Lucifer grinned and returned his attention back to his food.

They sat quietly for a while, each finishing their dinner as Dean watched Lucifer warily, trying to calm his beating heart as well as rid the thought of Castiel from his head. _Stupid dick,_ he thought, glaring at the other man who put down his utensils and grinned widely. “So, what’s for dessert?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question- I've been working on a prequel (a short, one-shot about the night Dean and Cas first met) and was wondering if you guys would be interested in that or if you'd prefer to wait until I'm finished to read it. Let me know. ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd- any mistakes are my own. Enjoy! Also be on the look-out for the prequel/how Dean and Cas originally met. I will hopefully have it up sometime this week, around wednesday or thursday. :)

The absolute opulence of the large penthouse apartment had Dean fighting every instinct to turn tail and run. It had him fidgeting next to Anna, pulling at his unbuttoned color and shooting her a glare as he plastered on a false smile and met the questioning stares of the other guests while they entered the grand foyer. Anna merely rolled her eyes and tucked herself nice and tight to his side, her bright red lips spread in a practiced smile of her own, as she guided him about the room, stopping to introduce him to familiar faces as Dean itched and wondered why the hell he had agreed to go to the stupid party in the first place.

When Anna had explained what the gathering was, Dean had figured he’d be forced to rub elbows with the few remaining family members he hadn’t met yet, that the worst thing about the night would be the forced proximity to Castiel who he hadn’t seen in near a month. However as Anna wheeled him around to face another group of complete strangers who had no relation to his girlfriend, he realized quickly how entirely wrong he was. Still he smiled, made polite conversation, and laughed where appropriate like a good boyfriend. It didn’t help that Anna seemed to slip into an entirely new personality, her usual warm honey laugh a bit colder, her red hair done up in perfect coifs, and the green dress that hugged her curves and had Dean salivating, daydreaming about pushing her up against the nearest wall to ravage her, all coinciding to turn her into a rich socialite that only hung around boys like Dean to get back at non-invested parents.

Dean fidgeted once more with the collar of his green button down as they left another group of outrageously expensive suits and gowns. Anna slapped lightly at his arm with a frown as she shook her head. “Could’ve told me to just rent a god-damned suit. I could’ve fucking afforded it.” Anna rolled her eyes and changed direction towards the bar, flashing another group of people a sweet smile in apology as she moved Dean out of hearing.

“Dean, you look fine. Stop fidgeting.” Dean glared downwards but let his fingers fall away from his collar as Anna asked the bartender for a glass of wine and two-fingers of whiskey. He sighed when she handed him the chilled tumbler, the whiskey stones clanking softly together, and missed the familiar weight of a beer bottle pressed into his palm. “Now, you think you can stow the obvious prejudice for a while and actually try to enjoy yourself?” 

Dean sighed once more and nodded, whispering a soft, “yeah” in reply. Anna’s body seemed to deflate and she looked up at Dean with the first sincere smile of the night before she leaned up and pressed her lips to his. He hated the taste of her lipstick, thought she looked more beautiful without the heavy make-up, but pressed his own back to hers in a chaste kiss and placed his hand at the small of her back. She sighed and looked around the room, slipping once more into her debutant alter ego.

They circulated the room for a few minutes, Anna introducing him to more people than he could properly remember in such short succession. He nodded along with the conversation without having any real understanding of it and ignored the desire to punch anyone who sniffed their noses at him when they learned of his less-than-affluent profession of being a mechanic. He growled inwardly when he realized he had been dragged around for a full hour and still had yet to meet the host of the gathering. Anna raised an eyebrow at him when she felt him tense slightly and he shrugged, motioning towards the empty balcony behind them. She nodded though Dean could tell she wasn’t exactly thrilled with his need to escape but didn’t stop him when he excused himself from the group and pressed a soft kiss to her temple before making his way across the room to push open the doors to cool air.

He sighed deeply at the feel of the cool wind and closed his eyes, taking a moment to relax his tense muscles, shake loose his limbs, and let go of the frustration and edginess that had been pulsing through him since entering the apartment over an hour ago. He breathed, concentrating on taking them in through his nose and letting them out through his mouth before he opened his eyes and took in the scenery, the city lit up and alive in front of him. He finished his drink and set the now warmed tumbler on the stone ledge before bracketing it with both hands and leaning against it.

A deep cough startled Dean and he turned around quickly to face the sound, catching the tumbler he knocked as he did so before it tumbled the twenty stories down. He gripped it tightly in his hand and cursed when it shattered and sliced his right palm open. Castiel stepped out from the shadows and grabbed at Dean’s wrist to pull him away from the glass that littered the stone floor. “I’m so sorry,” Castiel murmured, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and wrapping it around the wound that throbbed slightly. His fingers pressed firmly against Dean’s palm, the white cloth slowly soaking as he continued to spout apologies, how he hadn’t meant to startle Dean, just make him aware that he wasn’t alone.

Dean sighed and breathed deeply through his nose as he slowly extracted his hand from Castiel’s grip. “It’s okay, Cas,” he said softly. Castiel kept his head bowed, his touch on Dean’s hand light as his fingers slipped away. Dean watched as his breath ruffled the dark hair and felt heat radiate from Castiel’s body. “It’s not your fault, obviously it was a pretty cheap glass.” Castiel huffed a laugh and looked up, his eyes bright despite the shadows that fell across his face, the light from the apartment spreading a soft, diffused glow.

“Michael will not be pleased to hear that,” he said with a soft chuckle and Dean could only shrug his shoulders in reply, having still not met the man. Castiel sighed and stepped back, dropping his hands to shove them into the pockets of his black slacks.

“Uh, thanks,” Dean said, holding his injured hand up as he looked Castiel up and down, noting that they were similarly dressed. The deep blue button down seemed to match his eyes perfectly and Dean found himself forcing a cough to cover up the hitch in his breath as his eyes trailed the delicate collarbone and the pale bare forearms from his rolled up sleeves. “So, you hiding out here too?” Castiel nodded and scratched the back of his neck.

“Yes. I rather abhor these things but Balthazar enjoys them and Michael insists that I come, so.” He shrugged his shoulders and avoided Dean’s stare, choosing instead to watch the party-goers milling about inside. Dean nodded and the two stood in silence for a moment before Castiel finally looked back at him. “Um, we should-“ he paused as Dean leaned forward, his brows pulling together in confusion. “Your hand,” Castiel continued, motioning towards the now red stained handkerchief wrapped tightly around his palm. “It needs to be cleaned and properly bandaged.” Dean nodded in agreement and Castiel gave him a soft smile. “Come on, I know where Michael keeps the first aid.”

Dean followed Castiel back into the apartment, keeping close as they weaved around groups of people and moved towards a part of the apartment that seemed closed off to guests. Dean watched as people invited Castiel into the conversations but the man merely shook his head politely and continued on, reaching backwards once to make sure Dean was still following him, only to find his fingers gripping the fabric of Dean’s shirt. They walked past Gabriel who seemed to be enjoying the company of three beautiful women who giggled and tittered at whatever he said. Dean had to bite back a laugh at Gabriel’s expression when the short man caught sight of Castiel dragging Dean towards and up the stairs.

Castiel let go of Dean’s shirt once they reached a closed door and pushed it open, flipping on the light to a grand bathroom. Dean was sure his mouth was hanging open as if waiting to catch flies as he took in the clean marble, the gold fixtures, the ridiculous shower, and the oversized clawed-foot tub. Dean whistled loudly and looked over at Castiel who was rummaging in the cabinet underneath the skin. “Is your brother a mob boss or something?” Dean asked and Castiel chuckled as he pulled out the first aid kit from underneath the sink and flipped it open, pulling out cleaning wipes, bandages, and tape.

“No, just the CEO of Novak Enterprises,” Castiel replied as he pulled Dean over to the sink. Dean sputtered for a moment before shaking his head.

“I probably should have realized you guys were _those_ Novaks.” Castiel shrugged and pulled the handkerchief off, letting it fall into the pristine sink as his thumb gently swept over the cut, which had begun to scab. “Sorry about your,” Dean paused and waved his free hand at the stained piece of cloth, “thing.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Castiel shrugged as he ripped open a cleaning wipe packet and swept the cool wipe across the cut, cleaning away the dried blood. “Michael gives me those as stocking stuffers every year to go with the absorbent suits he bequeaths on me that never fit.” Dean laughed softly at the image of Castiel forced into an oversized suit and watched as Castiel’s thumb traced the cut once more. “It doesn’t look deep at all. It should heal nicely without leaving a scar.” Dean shrugged, pulling Castiel closer with the movement. 

“What’s one more scar? I’ll be fine,” he said softly, as Castiel bandaged and taped him up. “Thanks.” Castiel shook his head and let go of his hand after giving his wrist a soft squeeze. He turned his attention back to the first aid kit and packed everything up before putting it away. Finally he tossed the ruined handkerchief into the wastebasket and looked back at Dean.

Standing as close as he was to Castiel, all Dean could think of was the kiss, the way Castiel’s lips had parted underneath his, how his chest felt pressed against his own, how he had tasted of curry and sweet apple pie. He wondered briefly, what he would taste like now, if there would still be that hint of spice and sweet, if he would match Dean press for press, kiss for kiss. He hovered slightly, watching the bob of Castiel’s adam’s apple as he swallowed and his eyes lowered, his plush lips parted as he exhaled damp breath against Dean’s mouth. He waited, still, watching as Castiel’s pink tongue darted out to wet his lips and his too blue eyes finally looked up to meet Dean’s gaze.

Then, just as Dean began to lean in to close the too wide distance, the universe saw fit to unleash Gabriel. The door banged open and Castiel startled with it, leaning back, his eyes flashing wide as he caught sight of his brother leaning against the door jam, his arms crossed over his chest and a frown pulling at it usually pleasant smile. “There you two are. I was wondering where you got to,” he said, his amber eyes flickering between Dean and Castiel. Castiel huffed, exhaling deeply as took a step back from Dean who couldn’t help but feel he had lost something important. “What are you to up to, hiding up here?”

“Dean cut his palm,” Castiel replied softly and Dean held up his bandaged hand as proof. “I was helping him with it.”

“Yeah, sure you were Cassie,” Gabriel said, nodding along exaggeratedly. Castiel sighed and Dean wanted nothing more to shove Gabriel out of the room and slam the door on his face. “Balthazar is looking for you,” Gabriel said, his eyes boring into Castiel’s as he pointedly ignored Dean. “Also Lucifer has finally deemed us with his presence and he’s brought a new guest this year. It’ll be interesting to see how the kid stands up to Lilith.” Castiel frowned and pushed past Gabriel to look over the banister as if to catch a glimpse of the new person. Dean went to follow but Gabriel pushed him back into the room.

“Gabriel?” Castiel called as he turned around, confusion pulling his brow together and pursing his lips. Gabriel smiled brightly though he didn’t turn around to show Castiel it as he replied.

“You go on, baby brother. Dean-o and I will be down soon. I’ve just got a couple things to say to him.” Castiel frowned and shook his head as he walked back, his hand gripping Gabriel’s shoulder to turn him around as he growled out his name. “Nope, sorry. He’s not getting out of this one. Now go, I’m sure Balthy is worried about you. You’ve been missing for quiet some time.” Castiel huffed and looked to Dean. He found he could only nod and watch as Castiel hesitated for only moment before disappearing down the hall. Gabriel sighed and stepped back, shaking his head before returning his piercing gaze back on Dean. “What am I going to do with you, Dean-o?” he asked and Dean felt his face contort in confusion as he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know, let me go?” he asked and Gabriel barked a surprised laugh and shook his head.

“I’m not exactly holding you against your will here, Dean.” Dean shook his head but kept quiet, waiting for Gabriel to continue. He stared up at him for a moment and flexed his fingers against his crossed arms. “I have absolutely no idea what to say to you to get this through your thick head. You need to leave my brother alone.”

“Your brother can take care of himself,” Dean spat as he crossed his own arms over his chest and stared down at the shorter man.

“I am quite aware that he can but there is something about you which makes him stupid.” Dean opened his mouth to deny it but Gabriel cut him off with a wave of his hand. “Fact is, Dean, you are currently in a relationship with my baby _sister_ and you are apparently trying to woo my _brother_ on the side. I can’t believe I’m saying this but you can’t have them both, you need to pick one and leave the other alone.”

“I’m not trying to woo anybody,” Dean denied, shaking his head but he knew the truth in Gabriel’s words though every fiber in him fought to deny it.

“I’m not blind nor am I stupid. I know very well what I just barely stopped from happening in here a moment ago. And while I love my brother, I also know that he tends to be complete idiot when he’s in love.” Dean backed up, shaking his head as he looked down at Gabriel who stood still.

“No way- Cas isn’t- he can’t be.”

“Oh but he very much is,” Gabriel said with an eye roll. “Too much heart has always been Castiel’s problem.” Gabriel sighed as Dean watched on with wide eyes. There was no way in hell that Gabriel was right. They didn’t know each other and it seemed that Castiel more so hated Dean than loved him. Yet there was something about what Gabriel was saying, how was acting, that spoke the truth of the statement.

“Fuck,” he cursed, running a hand through his hair.

“So here’s where you gotta make your choice, Dean-o. You either leave Castiel alone and go on dating Anna until she finally realizes what a complete and total waste you are and dumps you or you end things with her and try to make things work with my brother who will probably welcome you with open arms and make you the happiest man alive even though you are no where near good enough for him.” Gabriel sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Either way, you’re going to be fucked in my book. Frankly I think your best choice is option number three which is to take off and never come anywhere near my family again. However, I think you and I both know that’s never going to happen.”

They stood in silence for a while, Dean going over Gabriel’s words as Gabriel watched him warily, wondering which direction the man would take. Gabriel sighed loudly once the party down stairs made itself known as voices filtered up the stairs. “Well, that’s my cue to get back down there and leave you to your thoughts,” Gabriel stated with a shrug. Dean frowned and watched as the shorter man turned around to bound back down the stairs and join whatever was going on. He paused though and turned back to flash Dean a cheeky grin. “Since I know you’re not going to pick option number three, may I advise that you shove whatever issues you have and pick option number two? That ass Balthazar will finally be history, Anna will most likely kick your ass- which I would personally love to see, and you’ll piss off Michael as well. Cas of course will nurse your wounds no doubt. Seems like a win for everyone involved!”

“Doesn’t seem like a win for anyone,” Dean said with a frown and Gabriel looked thoughtful for a moment before breaking out into a wide grin.

“True, but it will sure as hell be entertaining.” And with that, Gabriel bounded out of the bathroom and down the hall to join the party, leaving Dean to wonder just what the hell he could do that wouldn’t leave his, and everyone else’s life an absolute mess.

 

* * *

 

When Dean finally made his way back down the stairs a few minutes later, it was to see his brother standing between Lucifer and a very irate woman who screamed and hurled curses at Lucifer as if they could physically hurt them. A majority of the party had gathered in a circle around them, Dean could pick out Anna standing next to Castiel, Gabriel, and some tall, scruffy, blonde that took v-necks to a whole new level.

He weaved his way through the crowd, pushing past people politely as he could to make his way to the center to grab at his brother and perhaps pull him to safety, especially since it seemed that Lucifer was perfectly fine with who Dean was pretty sure was his ex using Sam as a verbal punching bag. Dean however, was not okay with that. The fact that the fight also gave Dean an excuse to push Gabriel’s words to the back of his mind to deal with later was just an added bonus. He really did not want to dwell on the fact that apparently Castiel _loved_ him.

“You’re pathetic, hiding behind your new plaything. Face me like a man,” Lilith spat, her blonde curls flying wild at the movement. Lucifer merely grinned as he pressed his index finger to his lips, content to listen to her rave as Sam tried to placate with her and move the conversation to an area more private.

“Oh, come now, Lilith. Is this really necessary? You’re making a scene.” Dean moved to try and pull Sam out but was pulled back roughly by Gabriel who grinned wickedly.

“Don’t. I want to see how this goes,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. He shrugged off Gabriel’s hand and frowned, looking over at Castiel who shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head at Sam, asking silently why he was there. Dean shrugged his own shoulders in return. “So tell me Dean-o, is that your brother that I’ve been hearing so much about from Luci?” Gabriel said softly, nodding at Sam who was looking between Lucifer and Lilith nervously, his hands spread wide in a placating gesture. Dean found his could only nod. Gabriel let out a low whistle and nodded his head appreciatively. “Man, Anna and Cas are wasting their time on you when you’ve got a brother like that.” 

Dean startled and frowned before he rounded on Gabriel who yell obscenities at the tiny man but stopped when he saw the subtle shake of Castiel’s head. Dean’s frown deepened when he noted that the scruffy blonde with the ridiculous v-neck had his arm wrapped round Castiel’s waist. 

“Hey, why don’t we move this some where else more private, I’m sure everyone here would like to get back to their party,” Sam said softly, his voice pleading as he looked at Lucifer who shrugged his shoulders and tilted his head towards Lilith.

“Does that sound good, my dear?” he asked as he shoved his hands down into the pocket of his white pleated pants. Lilith’s lips curled into a sneer as she looked over Sam, her pale eyes assessing him and finding him lacking.

“I am not your anything,” she sniffed, titling her nose upwards in derision. Lucifer frowned exaggeratedly and bobbed his head to the left and right before nodding in agreement. 

“No you’re not and if you have nothing else to say,” he shrugged his shoulders and reached for Sam, his palm rubbing warmth into back of his neck like it had done at dinner those few nights ago. Dean tensed as he watched Lilith ball her hands into fists before turning on her heel and stalking out of the room. Lucifer smiled widely, flashing his teeth as he turned about to the room to address the party. “So sorry for that unfortunate display. Please return to your conversation and don’t forget to check out the bar.”

The crowd dispersed almost immediately, voices once again rising over the quiet and consuming the air around them as they broke off into different groups and drifted through other rooms. Dean stood tense as he watched Sam bow his head close to Lucifer and talk in hushed tones, looking entirely too comfortable with the other man. Gabriel sighed loudly next to Dean, grabbing his attention. “Figures, Luci’s got dibs. I don’t suppose you could get me an in with your baby bro, could you?”

“Sam has a girlfriend!” Dean yelled, tensing when he noticed the few other people surrounding them give him strange looks. Gabriel snickered into his hand and slapped Dean harshly on the shoulder, giving him a lewd wink before disappearing off.  Dean growled and clenched his hands into fists as he watched the short man bound off, wondering what the hell he was on to make him go from giving Dean one of the most serious and important conversations of his life to trying to get Dean to set him up with Dean’s brother.

He startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around to see Anna’s concerned face as she pulled at his hand, fingers gently pressing at the bandage found there. “Cas told me what happened, are you okay?” she asked and Dean, his mind reeling from the staggering changes in discussion within the last fifteen minutes, found he could only nod as he stared over her head to look at Castiel. Castiel who was wrapped up in what must be Balthazar’s arms, his head bowed and his long elegant fingers pressed against Balthazar’s chest, fingers that only a couple of minutes ago had been wrapped around Dean’s own wrist, soft, familiar.

Dean frowned as his stomach turned and the taste in his mouth turned sour at the sight. Before he could further identify what he was feeling though, the host of the party finally made himself known as the next thing Dean knew, he was turning around to stare at a man with green eyes, dark hair, and a smiled that rivaled Lucifer’s in brightness. “You must be Dean,” Michael grinned, taking Dean’s hand in a too firm grip. “It is so nice to finally meet you.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first- sorry for the delay. For those of you who don't follow me on tumblr, I've been sick since wednesday and am still working on getting better so this one's pretty short. That being said, I am currently on spring break and (time permitting) will hopefully have an extra chapter up for you guys on thursday. However, next weekend I'll be out-of-state/away from my computer so I might have to move that sunday update as well. The point is you'll definitely get an update thursday (yay!) and hopefully by then I'll have a better understanding of whether or not the next update (chapter 11) will be on time or delayed. 
> 
> Second, this chapter is not beta'd so any mistakes are my own. Enjoy!

Though he tried hard not to, his eyes kept drifting back to Dean. They followed him as he moved from one end of the room to the other, guided by Michael who seemed insistent on introducing Dean to everyone he thought important. Castiel found he couldn’t tear his gaze away though Balthazar’s soft cultured voice seemed to often call for him to. Still he remained focused on Dean’s broad shoulders, tense under Michael’s firm grip, his smile which didn’t quiet reach his eyes, his hands that gripped a little too tight at the glass Michael had offered soon after his introduction.

Something had obviously been about to happen in the bathroom. Castiel was sure of it, even now as he stood with Balthazar and a few of his co-workers, discussing trends in the stock market. He knew that had Gabriel not interrupted, he probably would have still been in the bathroom consumed by Dean instead of trying to follow the conversation and failing miserably as he watched Dean interact with Michael across the room.

What was worse was that Castiel was sure that Balthazar _knew._ Knew that the reason why Castiel shifted restlessly beneath the warm press of his hand on his lower back was because to the other man. Knew that Castiel itched to return to his side, to drag him some place dark and secret to continue whatever had been interrupted those few minutes ago. Knew that Castiel wanted Dean’s breath, his lips, his hands, his touch.

Castiel sighed and sipped at the red wine Balthazar had pressed into his hand when he had returned. He smiled politely and nodded along when it felt appropriate but otherwise did not try to engage in conversation. Instead, he let his gaze traverse the room to settle on Dean, only to look away when he thought he stared a little too long. Balthazar shifted restless next to him, his grip tightening on his hip and pulling him closer. Castiel frowned down into his glass and wondered if perhaps Balthazar had noticed his stare and then thought that of course the other man had, he _knew_ after all.

He shouldn’t have been surprised when Balthazar excused them from their small group a moment later and pulled him into the empty study adjacent. Castiel frowned when Balthazar pulled away and watched as the taller man ran a shaky hand through his blonde hair. “What’s going on, Castiel?” he asked after a moment of silence and Castiel found he could only stare blankly at him, wondering what had prompted the sudden change in demeanor and knowing the answer in the back of his head. Balthazar matched his gaze and waited patiently, reaching out and taking the wine glass from him to place on the desk. “You haven’t been right since you came back.”

“Been right?” Castiel replied, confused, his brow furrowing as Balthazar sighed and shook his head, hesitating slightly before moving forward and rubbing Castiel’s arms as if to ward off a non-existent chill.

“Yes, you’ve been unresponsive, head-in-the-cloud, and frankly rude since you returned from wherever is was that you had wandered off to.” Castiel nodded but shook off Balthazar’s touch and took a step back, placing distance between them. Balthazar’s frown deepened and his hands hung listlessly at his sides. “Cassie?”

“Sorry,” he sighed, closing his eyes and pinching at the bridge of his nose as if to stave off the rush of guilt that threatened to overtake him. “I’m just- out of it, I guess. You know I hate these things.” Balthazar nodded and Castiel let his shoulders slouch forward as he grabbed Balthazar by the waist and pulled him close. “Sorry, for being out of it,” he murmured, pressing his nose to Balthazar’s neck and inhaling deeply. He pushed back the thought Balthazar didn’t smell right, his cologne too overpowering, not enough leather and spice that seemed to cling to Dean and permeate the air around him. He shook the thought from his head and pressed closer, nipping lightly at the corded muscle of Balthazar’s neck and rolling his hips forward. 

Balthazar groaned lightly before pulling away, a soft chuckle falling from his lips as he held Castiel at arms length. “No, Cassie. I know what you’re trying to pull here but it’s not going to work.” Castiel tugged at Balthazar’s shirt, un-tucking it to slide slim fingers under the hem to get at the skin beneath as he pressed forward, his lips trailing Balthazar jaw and his teeth tugging at his earlobe.

“What are you trying to imply?” he breathed and Balthazar only laughed and pulled away once more.

“Nope. You stay here and cool down,” Balthazar said, smiling. Castiel rolled his eyes but readily flopped down into an available chair as Balthazar tucked his shirt back in as well as readjust his pants. “Don’t worry, I promise I’ll make it up to you later.” He pressed a kiss to Castiel’s forehead and wiggled his eyebrows before disappearing back out to the party.

Castiel slumped further into the chair and a hand through his hair. He debated briefly sneaking out and heading home to curl up on the couch and pass out watching _Psych_ on netflix but decided against it. Instead he forced himself up off the chair and out into the life of the party. Balthazar was once again engulfed in a heated discussion with three other partygoers, no-doubt co-workers of Michael’s. Castiel made his way around the room, intent on escaping to the empty balcony once more when Gabriel hauled him into a corner by the bar.

“Saw Balthazar come out of the study a few minutes ago looking pretty disheveled. You don’t waste anytime, do you baby brother?” Gabriel grinned, his tongue tucked lewdly between his teeth. Castiel frowned and shook his head as he looked about the room. He heard Gabriel sigh heavily next to him and felt his arm slip around his shoulder, pulling him down to his height. “He’s not here, kiddo. Michael has him ensconced in the wine cellar- cellar? It’s not really a cellar is it, but room is simply to blasé a term. You know what I mean." 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Castiel replied, shrugging off his arm. Gabriel rolled his eyes and knocked back the rest of his drink with a grimace and a shake of his jaw.

“Sure thing. Anyways, Michael is probably inducting Dean-o into the order, Anna is of course the belle of the ball, suitors vying for her attention over in the foyer, and Lucifer seems to have absconded with the youngest Winchester. My guess is that they’ve escaped to the roof. I’m thinking about escaping up there myself in a few if you wanna join.” Castiel shook his head and Gabriel nodded, reaching over the bar to grab an unopened bottle of vodka. “Suit yourself, you know where I’ll be,” he said with a shake of the bottle before he stashed it underneath his jacket and bounded for the door.

Castiel sighed and looked about the room once more. As Gabriel has said, Anna was surrounded by plenty of people, a few he recognized and mostly men and Balthazar was still happily conversing away on the other side of the room. Castiel reached over the bar and snatched a bottle of his own before he made his way out onto the balcony for some much needed alone time to get his thoughts in order.

* * *

Dean’s face hurt from all the smiling but he held it anyways, lips stretched a little too wide and pressed a little too thin for comfort as Michael slapped him hard on the back and gestured once more to the collection of wine and other assorted liquors he had collected throughout the short years of his career. He talked too fast and seemed to jump from topic to topic so quickly that all Dean could do to keep up was to simply nod along and keep smiling. He sipped at the brandy Michael had poured him earlier and fought to not let it dribble back out of his mouth and into the glass he held as he nodded along to Michael’s monologue. “So Dean, I hear your brother’s a lawyer.” Dean’s eyes widened and he nodded eagerly; happy to finally be on a topic he was confident on.

“Yeah. Works over at Holtenbock & Vick.” Michael nodded and poured Dean more brandy though his glass was still half full. Dean lifted the glass in thanks, his right eye twitching slightly as he swallowed a mouthful, trying to hold his breath over the taste and failing miserably.

“Great firm, we’ve used them a few times,” Michael commented and Dean found himself nodding once more, waiting for the other man to continue.

“Yeah, he’s a smart kid. He’s only been out of school two years and apparently there’s talk of making him a partner,” Dean said after a few minutes of silence. Michael smiled widely and thumped Dean once more on the back.

“And what about you, Dean?” Dean frowned and backed up a pace as he shrugged his shoulders and looked around the room.

“What about me? Not much to say.” Michael circled around him and pressed a firm hand against his shoulder as if to ground him. Dean tensed but did not try to shrug him off.

“I wouldn’t say that Dean, after all, you practically raised Sam on your own, didn’t you?” Dean’s frown deepened and his brows furrowed together in question. Michael smiled gently and nodded towards the door and the party that went on behind it. “Anna. Now, before you get too upset about Anna spilling your family secrets, you should know that I would have found out anyway. It’s rare that I have to wait five months to meet one of my siblings significant others.” Dean frowned but didn’t speak, sure that he’d say something to offend the man before him. Michael smiled easily and finished off his glass of brandy, placing it down on the small table in the center of the room. 

“I’m sure you understand, seeing as how you raised Sam, I raised my own siblings.” As Dean’s expression changed, Michael let out a soft laugh and shrugged his shoulders. “Our parents are very much still alive, however, the thing you should know about them is that they’re not very involved. It was father’s belief that we should make our own choices and learn from their consequences, be they good or bad. I had the most structure, being the first born but by the time Anna and Castiel were born, well, whatever affinity my parents had for parenting vanished.” He sighed and tapped lightly at Dean’s still full glass, prompting him to take another drink of it. “I suppose I’m a little bit too invested in their lives but it’s only because I want what’s best for them. I’m sure, due to your own relationship with your brother, you can relate.” 

Dean frowned but found himself nodding wearily and agreement and Michael smiled once more, too wide, too perfect, and too much like Lucifer and for a moment, Dean wondered exactly what kind of family he had gotten his involved with. “Great,” Michael said with another clap to his back and Dean fought back a grimace, smiling tightly as he rolled his shoulder. “So I’m sure you understand when I say that I expect great things from you, Dean. And I’m sure you’ll make Anna very happy.”

“That’s the plan,” Dean said, biting back the _sir_ that nearly slipped out. Michael laughed heartily and wrapped his arm around Dean’s shoulder, turning him towards the door and guiding him out of the room.

“Well then, I think I’ve said all I’ve needed to tonight. Go on and enjoy the rest of party.” Dean nodded and moved to do exactly that but Michael caught him and pulled him back, grabbing his injured hand and holding it up for him to inspect. “Castiel did a good job of cleaning that,” he said softly, his green eyes slowly tracking the bandage before meeting Dean’s and Dean found he could only nod dumbly. Michael hummed and dropped his hand, smiling so that the skin around his eyes crinkled in simulated joy as he walked out of the room and left a bewildered Dean alone.

* * *

“Not back to slice your other hand, I hope.” The deep, graveled voice had Dean spinning around too fast for a second time that night though there were no glasses in danger of tumbling off the balcony or shattering in his hand. He sighed as he caught sight of Castiel slouched in the corner, nursing a nearly empty bottle of whiskey to his chest. Dean gave a soft easy smile and joined the other man in the shadows, sitting down next to him and knocking his shoulder lightly as he relieved the man of his bottle and took a sip of his own.

“Nope. You could have warned me, though,” Dean replied and Castiel frowned, his brows furrowed, a small line creasing his forehead.

“Warned you of what?” he asked as he reached over a grabbed the bottle, his plush lips resting lightly against the lip of the bottle before he tilted it back and took another sip as Dean watched. He coughed and shrugged, accepting the bottle when it was passed back with a nod of thanks.

“That your family is full of fuckin’ freaks- no offence.” Castiel barked a laugh and slouched closer, the length of his thigh pressed firmly to Dean’s as he shook, trying and failing to catch his breath.

“None taken,” he giggled and Dean found himself laughing softly in return, watching the other man unravel before him. His shirt was pulled out from his slacks and the first four buttons were undone, the pale skin glowing ghostly in the moonlight. Castiel grinned, his head lulled back, his throat bare, his smile gummy, and the corner of his eyes crinkled in mirth.  “I heard Michael had gotten a hold of you, hope it wasn’t too horrible.” Dean shrugged his shoulders and knocked Castiel gently. 

“Nope, just weird and creepy. Which reminds me, I don’t suppose you know where my idiot brother got to, do you?” Castiel shrugged and frowned, taking the bottle back and finishing it before letting it drop with a clatter to the floor. 

“Gabriel believes they’ve escaped to the roof,” he replied as he watched the bottle roll away, his arm stretched as he pointed upwards towards the sky. “I honestly don’t know though I was very surprised to see him here.” Dean huffed and nodded, relaxing as he settled into the hard bench, Castiel pressed in warm and close next to him. 

They sat silently, Dean counting Castiel’s breaths as Castiel fidgeted next to him, pressing close and then pulling away. Dean wondered briefly how much the other man had had before he had found him when Castiel pressed up against him, his blue eyes dark and too close. “Dean,” he sighed, his breath fanning warm and damp across Dean’s mouth, tongue sweeping out to wet crackled lips.

Dean took a deep breath and nodded, letting his eyes fall shut and his own hands graze Castiel’s arms, hovering, not quiet touching. “Yeah?” Castiel huffed and shifted closer, chest pressed firmly against Dean’s, his nose pressed in next to Dean’s, his lips a hair breaths away. Dean could feel the flutter of eyelashes against his cheeks and when he licked at his lips he could just about taste the whiskey that permeated each breath Castiel exhaled against them.

“In the bathroom,” Castiel said softly, his stubble a rough scrape against his own and Dean nodded, willing the other man to continue. “Did you?”

“Did I what?” Dean breathed, biting his bottom lip when Castiel’s breath hitched and his fingers gripped tightly at Dean’s shirt. Castiel hummed softly and pursed his lips, a light press against Dean’s own though not quiet a kiss. Dean sighed and nodded, not sure of what question he was answering but hoping it was the right one. “Yeah,” he sighed, clenching his eyes shut tight and allowing his hands to finally grab and hold as Castiel shuddered in his grasp. “Yeah. Yeah, I wanted to.”

Castiel only gave a sigh as warning before he pressed forward. Dean groaned at the contact and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer as Castiel scrambled for purchase. His lips were soft and pliant under Dean’s, his tongue tracing the seam of his mouth before delving in to taste and devour. He mewled softly, biting at Dean’s lower lip as his fingers carded through Dean’s hair. Dean sighed and licked into his mouth, moaning when he finally maneuvered the other man onto his lap before rolling his hips upwards. Castiel pulled away with a stuttered breath and rolled his hips down in answer as he pressed his mouth close to Dean’s ear and whispered, “I wanted that too.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man- you guys! Sorry for the late update. Not sure if I'll be able to get an update to you tomorrow afterall. Don't worry guys, I'll figure something out- you WILL have another extra update this week to make up for being behind. This chapter is a bit short and a little heavy. 
> 
> Anyways, the chapter is not beta'd (I should probably get one but honestly I'm a bit too impatient) so any mistakes/typos are mine. Enjoy!

The air shouldn’t have felt so hot but all Castiel could do was sweat, his shirt plastered against him like a second skin as he rolled his hips in time with the man below him. Damp heat brushed against his lips, stubble scraping along his jaw in a sweet burn. He panted, pulling in breaths harshly through his nose as he licked at his lips, trying to moisten the dry cracked skin there. Strong fingers pressed into his ribs and his hips, guiding his movements and Castiel could only grunt in frustration at the lack of lips against his own though the hard press of cock nestled beside his own more than made up for it.

Dean pushed his hips upwards, relishing the slow burn that coiled low in his gut and pulsed outwards. He pressed his nose to Castiel’s throat and inhaled, licking a wet stripe up from his clavicle to his chin. Castiel’s hips stuttered and his fingers dug into Dean’s biceps as he bit at his bottom lip. Dean sighed and slid his warm hands around from Castiel’s hips to slip past the waistband of his slacks and grasp at his ass. His middle finger traced lightly at his crease before he pressed firmly against the puckered opening found there. Castiel’s hips stuttered forward and he moaned, pressing back into Dean’s touch.

“Dean.” Dean moaned low in response and nodded against him, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his chest through the parted fabric of his shirt. Castiel rocked back and forth in his lap, his hands trembling slightly as they moved frantically over his arms, his shoulders, his chest. “Dean, please.” Dean nodded once more, tilting his head upwards to kiss and bite and suck at Castiel’s lips as he rocked his hips back and forth, keening sweetly at the back of his throat.

“Just tell me, Cas. Tell me what you want,” Dean murmured, lips still pressed against Castiel who huffed in reply and fumbled at the button of Dean’s slacks.

“Touch me.” Dean’s thumb swept across the stubble of Castiel’s jaw as he pulled back, looking up at him, scanning his expression for any sign that he shouldn’t, that Castiel was too far gone to be asking him, that he might be taking advantage by following through no matter how much he craved it.

“You’re sure?” he asked and Castiel stilled, rolling his eyes and legitimately growling before bending down and sucking a bruise into the skin of his collarbone, rolling his hips down deliberately.

“Yes, Dean. I am quiet sure.” Dean huffed a laugh and nodded, wasting no time in undoing the front of Castiel’s trousers and delving his hand in to wrap around and grip at the warm, hard, member found there. Castiel grunted, his nostrils flaring as his eyes shut tight and his hips rocked upwards into the tight heat of Dean’s palm. Dean watched him, pausing only a moment to lick a stripe of spit across his palm, taking in his hitched breaths, his soft moans, grunts, and groans that he kept behind parted lips. He rocked up into the steady pump and pull of Dean’s hand, his bottom lip caught behind his teeth, his eyes steadily locked on Dean’s, the iris overtaken by his dilated pupils. Dean shifted in his seat, trying to relieve the pressure currently residing in his pants and groaning when Castiel pressed down into him, his hips stuttering slightly in his roll. “Dean.”

“Yeah, baby,” Dean groaned, his own chest heaving in tandem with Castiel’s as he thrusted upwards, so obviously close to completion. Castiel whimpered and pitched forward, pressing his nose up against Dean’s neck, muffling his groans against Dean’s skin as his fingers clenched at the fabric of Dean’s button down. “Come on, Cas, go ahead. I’ve got you.” Castiel nodded and followed Dean’s instruction soon after, coating Dean’s hand and the bottom of his shirt in white stripes of come as he breathed harshly against Dean’s neck and pressed back into the firm hardness still nestled against his ass. Dean slowly swiped his thumb over the sensitive head of Castiel’s cock as he continued to pump Castiel through his orgasm, huffing a soft breath as Castiel’s hips stuttered and his lips pressed soft open mouth moans into his skin.

Castiel pulled back a moment later, settling firmly in Dean’s lap, his smile loose and gummy, his eye heavy lidded and dark, his cock soft in Dean’s warm hand. He tugged lightly at Dean’s shirt and grimaced at the mess found there as Dean shifted in his seat once more and assessed the mess himself while tucking Castiel gently back into his pants. “Well, we can’t go back in there with you looking like that,” he said, voice low and graveled. Dean huffed a laugh and wiped his hand on the cushion on the bench.

“Because you look so much better right now,” Dean said, noting the swollen lips, glazed over eyes, and even more rumpled hair. Castiel shrugged and caught his hand, wrapping his lips around Dean’s fingers and sucking off what lingering come Dean hadn’t wiped away. Dean grunted, trying to hold back his moan as he bit at his lip, and watching as Castiel’s tongue licked between his fingers. “Fuck, Cas.”

“Mmm, later. We really should get you cleaned up and get back before someone notices.” Dean groaned and let his head fall back, wincing when he hit the cement wall behind him as Castiel laughed softly and wiggled in his lap. “Michael has a shirt just like this that I’m sure he won’t miss and while we’re getting you changed, I can get you off.” Dean stilled and nodded slowly as Castiel tilted his head to the side and the smile slowly slid from his face. “What is it?” he asked softly and Dean forced his eyes to refocus on the man in front of him. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders, running a hand over his face before shaking his head and smiling up at Castiel.

“It’s nothing, man.” Castiel raised an eyebrow and his lips tipped further downwards in a frown but he shrugged his shoulders and slipped off Dean’s tap, taking care to make sure his pants weren’t hanging open and that his shirt wasn’t too wrinkled. He held out his hand for Dean once he was done and pulled up him off then bench when Dean took Castiel’s hand in his. “Lead the way.”

Dean followed closely behind Castiel as they made their way back into the apartment, taking care to use Castiel’s body as a way to shield the mess on his shirt. They maneuvered quietly, Castiel taking care to not make eye contact with the few guests they passed. Within moments, Dean was once again following Castiel up the stairs, down the hall, and into a room adjacent from the bathroom he had been in less than an hour ago.

The room was spacious though it seemed over taken by the large king size bed placed at the center of the opposite wall, the sheets warm, plush, neutrals that probably had a thread count higher than Dean’s SAT scores. Nightstands of cherry wood framed the bed and the matching dresser placed against the same wall as the door held a large flat screen that made Dean more than a little envious. Castiel merely grinned and gently pushed Dean forward towards the bed, guiding him to sit as Castiel plucked at the buttons of his shirt. He pushed the ruined garment off of Dean’s shoulders, letting his fingers trace lightly down Dean’s slightly scared chest to his navel, to the short hairs that trailed down past his pants. Dean’s breath hitched in his throat when those same fingers undid the button and slowly slid the zipper down, Dean’s erection, though only half-hard, still straining against the fabric of his boxers.

Dean grunted softly as Castiel leaned forward, his lips pressed softly to the corner of Dean’s mouth and his clever fingers delving past the waistband of his boxer to wrap around Dean and squeeze him back to full hardness. Dean’s hands gripped at the duvet underneath him, pulling it into disarray. He breathed sharply though his nose, groaning behind closed lips as Castiel’s thumb swept of the head of his cock and spread the pre-come found there. Castiel grinned, his eyes darting between Dean’s face and his hand on Dean’s dick, pressing soft intermittent kisses to Dean’s mouth, his neck, his chest. His hand was warm and firm and tight and Dean was generating enough pre-come to keep the movements steady and smooth. He rolled his hips upwards in time with Castiel’s hand and pressed back kisses and sucks of open mouth and tongue. He moaned and writhed and gave up his clenching grip on the duvet to instead card his fingers through the thick dark hair at the back of Castiel’s head. He moaned his name and wished for a moment that he was instead buried in the tight heat of Castiel rather than thrusting up into his talented grip. 

He came surprisingly fast with little encouragement other than Castiel softly whispering his name against the shell of his ear before biting down on his earlobe and Castiel continued to pump him through out as white stripes coated his stomach and Castiel’s hand. Castiel’s smile was loose once more as he cleaned the come off his hand with his tongue for the second time that night. Dean fell back onto the bed and pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes, trying to regain control of his breathing and wondering how the hell he had gotten there, sated with Castiel licking his come off his fingers while his girlfriend meandered downstairs unaware. He startled when he felt the bed dip with added weight and the wet heat of tongue swipe his lower stomach. Castiel moved up him slowly, clearing away any trace of Dean’s orgasm before pressing a soft kiss to Dean’s lips. Dean answered easily enough, opening his mouth to lick and taste and nip though his mind swarm with thoughts of how wrong everything was and guilt settled heavily in his gut.

Castiel tasted like him and his moaned happily when Dean’s tongue met eagerly with his and Dean found he could only shut his eyes tightly to the tumultuous thoughts and lose himself in the man above him. Castiel pulled back too soon however and Dean found himself looking up into too blue eyes and a frown that begged Dean’s thoughts and feelings, both of which he had no interest in discussing with anyone. Dean sighed and shook his head, closing his eyes against Castiel’s expression that only fell as he pushed himself up and away from Dean.

They sat silently for a moment, still and tense before Dean reached out and pressed his palm against the small of Castiel’s back as if to comfort though he knew he didn’t have the right for it. “You know, if you didn’t want this, you could have said so,” Castiel said softly, stiff under Dean’s too warm hand. Dean pushed himself up and knocked his forehead against Castiel’s shoulder.

“I’m pretty sure I did say I wanted this, that’s how we got here.” Castiel nodded and turned his head, pressing his nose to Dean’s hair, still a bit hard from the styling gel he had put in earlier. “I just,” he paused, groaning out his frustration as he tried to piece together words that made sense. “There’s something about you Cas- I can’t-“

“I understand,” Castiel said softly after Dean had trailed off, once again failing to find the write words to say. They sat quietly for a moment later, the tension drained from Castiel’s shoulders as he nuzzled the top of Dean’s head, Dean’s breath steady and warm against his shoulder. “We should return. It has been too long, people will have noticed.” Dean nodded and reluctantly pulled away as Castiel shuffled off the large bed and opened up the closet door to the right of the bed. He produced a similar shirt to the one Dean had been wearing and handed it over, letting Dean redress himself as he gathered the dirtied button down and left the room presumably the dispose of it. He returned a moment later and Dean helplessly shrugged his shoulders, holding out his arms in question. “You look fine, Dean. No one should notice.”

Dean nodded, his lips pursed as he took a step forward, crowding Castiel’s space for once instead of the other way around though he couldn’t quiet meet his eyes. “What do we do now?”

“Return to the party, go home with our respective partners,” Castiel murmured, mirroring Dean’s shrug from earlier.

“And?”

“I don’t know, Dean.” With that he turned around and left Dean standing there, wondering whether or not he should follow and if he’d ever be able to stand the idea of not touching Castiel again because in that moment it seemed to be the only option left.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty short chapter but it's also kind of heavy. However, I hope you all enjoy it! Not beta'd so any and all mistakes are my own. One day I'll review and edit everything. Today is not that day though. :/

Castiel stood stiffly, his smile forced, among the few guests still present, the night finally winding down as Michael smiled serenely and bid goodbye to the friends, co-workers, and associates that filed out of the penthouse apartment. He watched with unfocused eyes, trying desperately to keep his gaze from wandering over to Dean who kept throwing him glances across the room, oblivious to Anna who stood next to him frowning, obviously wondering what had happened while Dean had been gone. He could feel the green gaze fixed on him and knew that other’s were noticing the glances, knew that Gabriel had figured it out the moment he had descended the stairs and made his way back to Balthazar’s side.

He curled his fingers into fists and resisted the urge to sigh heavily while running a hand through his already wrecked hair, trying to keep his new secret safe and sound but knowing without a doubt that it wasn’t anymore secret than the fact that he abhorred Michael’s parties and creamed spinach. Balthazar’s own smile had been forced, his blue eyes boring into Castiel’s with obvious hurt and confusion in their depths. His touch was hesitant and light when he wrapped his arm around Castiel’s hip and his laugh was too harsh, too loud, too bright to be sincere when someone told a random joke as they were parting. He knew and while it broke Castiel’s heart that he had hurt him, he found he couldn’t regret what happened. He wanted Dean, wanted him in a way that he had never wanted anyone before and it scared him how easily it seemed he could fall into that feeling without any remorse, any thought for those around him, for Anna and Balthazar.

Castiel was tense in Balthazar’s embrace but found he couldn’t pull away and possibly hurt the man even more. It was as Michael was saying his last goodbyes to guests not related that Lucifer and Sam finally reappeared, both looking a little worse for wear, Sam leaning heavily against Lucifer’s side and smiling widely. He pushed himself from Lucifer’s grip when he caught sight of Dean and stumbled his way over, yelling out his name in glee as he wrapped his arms around Dean and hauled him upwards in a bear hug. Lucifer snickered behind his hand as he sidled up next to Michael who watched on, amused while Dean grunted and awkwardly patted his younger brother. Sam put his brother back down on the ground but kept his arms wrapped tightly around him and buried his face in Dean’s neck, mumbling all the while.

“What on earth did you give him, Luc?” Michael asked as Dean’s eyes darted widely from Anna, to Gabriel, to Castiel, to Michael, before finally landing on Lucifer and settling on his deadliest glare which had a few of the Novak’s and Balthazar cringing while Lucifer, and Gabriel only chuckled.

“We just enjoyed some of your more aged bourbon and perhaps a joint or two,” Lucifer replied, grinning widely.

“You got my brother _high_?” Dean barked, shucking off Sam’s hug and quickly steadying him once he began to fall over. It was obvious that had Sam been able to stand without Dean’s help, Dean would have confronted Lucifer physically as well as verbally. However Dean could only clench a fist as hold Sam up. Sam giggled and nuzzled the side of Dean’s head as Dean jerked and waved him away.

“He wondered what it was like, I figured why not introduce him in a safe environment like Mikey’s place, here,” Lucifer shrugged, clapping a hand on Michael’s shoulder. Michael rolled his eyes and rolled his shoulder out from under his brother’s touch and leveled him with a glare as well.

“Come on, Dean. It’s not like you’ve never gotten high,” Sam murmured with a pout, his lower lip jutting out comically as he slouched his shoulders forward and pulled at Dean’s button down. Dean rubbed a palm over his face and shook his head.

“Not the fucking point, Sam.” He avoided his brother’s stare for a moment, his eyes focused on the marble floor before he sighed heavily and wrapped an arm around Sam’s shoulders, giving him a soft squeeze. “Come on then, time to get you home and into bed. Let you sleep this off.” He finally made eye contact with Anna, frowning slightly when she tensed and shot a look over at Castiel, and nodded towards the door. “You okay to go?” She nodded and began to make her way towards her brothers to say goodbye as Dean tried to maneuver Sam towards the door. Sam decided at that moment it was time to revert to his five year old self and dig his heels in, a low whine sounding from him as he pulled back and away from Dean. Had Sam actually been five years old, Dean would have hauled him up and carried him out but being that he was going on twenty-eight, six-foot-four, and well over two hundred pounds, that was not going to happen. “Sam!”

He shook his head and crossed his arms across his chest, leveling Dean with a slow glare as Dean resisted the urge to try and haul his brother out of the door anyways. Gabriel and Lucifer were in full on hysterics and it was obvious that even Michael was trying to keep from laughing as he covered his smile behind his hand. Balthazar was even chortling softly from where he stood and Dean knew for a fact that had it not been for Sam’s current state, Balthazar would have confronted Dean about what had exactly had happened between him and Castiel due to the pointed stares and frowns he had been sending his way since he had returned from Michael’s bedroom. The only people weren’t laughing besides Dean (and Sam) were Castiel and Anna and Dean was pretty sure that was due to other things on their mind taking precedence over Sam’s inebriation.

“Sam is more than welcome to sleep off his inebriation here, Dean, if that’s okay,” Michael said softly. “I have more than enough room.”

“Thanks for the offer but I’d rather take him home if it’s all the same,” Dean said with a shake of his head, clapping Sam’s shoulder firmly in his own and throwing another glare towards Lucifer who wiped at his eyes and frowned along with Sam.

“Come on Dean. Nothing bad is going to happen. He’ll sleep it off and be right as rain in the morning. I promise to have him returned to you in pristine condition by eight tomorrow morning if you’d like,” Lucifer stated, crossing the short distance to clap his hand on Sam’s opposite shoulder and it took every ounce of restraint Dean had not to punch the ass in the face when Sam actually _leaned into_ his touch.

“Yeah, Dean. Ev-erry’thing will be fine! You don’t have to worry about me. Go home, I’ll stay here,” Sam slurred, his frown spreading into a slow, loose grin as he leaned back into Lucifer’s touch, Lucifer’s hand once again at the back of his neck, rubbing gently against the soft hairs found at the nape there. Dean bit at the inside of his mouth and look towards Castiel as if to ask him what he thought of the situation, what he thought Dean should do.

If Dean had been smart, had been in his right mind and not fumbling with Sam and trying to figure out what exactly was going on between him and Castiel’s douchebag older brother- especially given the fact that Sam had a _girlfriend_ who he was pretty heads-over-heels for, he would have noticed Anna. He would have noticed her eyes widen just a fraction and her lips thin and her shoulders slump just slightly in defeat. He would have noticed Balthazar’s smile fall, his brows furrow, and his stance sway slightly away from Castiel, his hands dropped to his side, no longer reaching out. He would have noticed Gabriel’s sad smile, his crossed arms, his slow shake of his head. He would have noticed Michael taking in every detail and coming to his own, correct, conclusions. If Dean had been smart he would have looked towards Anna to find the answers he so desperately wanted, answers that told him it was okay to let his little brother go this time, that he’d be safe within this environment which Dean had no business being in. Instead, he focused on Castiel, his small reassuring smile, and the slight nod that told him yes, it was okay to let Sam go, he would be safe, and Dean did belong even if he didn’t believe it himself because Castiel wanted him there. 

So he nodded and stepped back, crossing his arms over his chest as he assessed his brother before him, grinning idiotically to the attention he was currently getting. Dean was almost positive that if he could, the idiot would be purring. “Fine, but I need him to call me when he’s awake and besides the usual hangover which he deserves, I don’t wanna hear about him having done anything else. Fucking getting high.” He rolled his eyes and huffed a sigh, shrugging his shoulders. “If you get fired because you fail a god damned drug test, Sammy…”

“I won’t! Don’t worry about it Dean.” Sam smiled and pulled Dean into another hug and after a few moments of telling himself that he wouldn’t give in to his stupid brother because he sure as hell didn’t deserve it, Dean wrapped his arms around his brother as well and returned the hug, giving him a tight squeeze and inhaling his familiar scent, though it was marred slightly by the lingering stench of pot and whiskey, before clapping him lightly on the back and pulling away.

“Don’t do anything stupid, sleep it off and call me when you wake up, you got that?” Sam nodded and Dean did as well, shoving his hands into his pockets and taking a couple steps. They all stood quietly, Dean fidgeting as Sam returned to Lucifer’s side and the rest look onwards before Gabriel finally made his presence known once more.

“Don’t worry Dean-o, I’ll make sure Sammy here doesn’t get into any more trouble,” he stated with a grin, inserting himself in between Lucifer and Sam, much to Sam’s confusion and Lucifer chagrin.

“That doesn’t really reassure me of anything but thanks I guess,” Dean scoffed, inclining his head softly towards him. Gabriel just grinned widely and pulled Sam and Lucifer into his sides with a tight squeeze.

“Don’t tell me you’re staying here as well, Gabriel,” Michael sighed, rubbing a hand over his face as Gabriel sashayed forward, bumping him lightly with his hip.

“Of course! You don’t expect me to drive home when I’ve consumed an entire handle of tequila all on my own, do you?” Michael shook his head and looked around the room, looking a little exasperated with his siblings. 

“Does anyone else plan to stay?” Both Balthazar and Castiel shook their heads and Michael nodded to them in thanks before looking back at Dean once more. “Then Dean, thank you for coming and it was nice to finally meet you,” he reached out and shook Dean’s hand once more, his grip a little bit more firm than their previous one had been and his eyes a little bit harder. He dropped Dean’s grip and turned towards Anna, enveloping her in a hug and placing a kiss on her forehead before turning towards Castiel and Balthazar, repeating the hug and kiss with his younger brother and shaking Balthazar’s hand in a decidedly friendlier manner. “Gabriel, you know where you’ll be sleeping I’m sure. Lucifer, I’ll leave Sam in you more than capable hands. If you decide to stay up longer keep in down and please keep out of the alcohol, none of you need anymore.” Sam nodded seriously as Gabriel and Lucifer snickered. “With that, I say goodnight!”

Michael ascended the stairs, Gabriel, Lucifer, and Sam following though they stumbled and were generally much louder. Dean found himself following behind Anna as they, along with Balthazar and Castiel exited the penthouse, Castiel pausing to lock the door with a key he produced from his pocket. The ride in the elevator was tense and awkward, each couple standing on opposite sides and steadily not looking at each other. The quietly exited the elevator, and Dean wondered perhaps if it would always be this way, if Castiel and he would forever lower their eyes and turn away if one say the other coming. He wondered if Balthazar would always be there to wrap around Castiel and send Dean glares or if that person would change. He wondered if Anna would forever look sad whenever Dean and Castiel were in the same room.

They stood together for a moment on the street, silent and tense, Balthazar pulling Castiel tight to his body while Anna shrugged off any attempt Dean made at trying to get close as if she knew he was doing it for all the wrong reasons. Finally Castiel reached out and hugged his sister tight, Anna returning the hug after only a moment, a soft sigh slipping from her lips and her shoulders slumping forward just slightly. They whispered softly to each other, falling into an easy twin connection as Dean and Balthazar watched on, Dean hunched in, shivering from the cold and casting glances towards the impala that waited patiently by the curb.

Finally after a few moments, they separated and Castiel was saying goodbye, nodding slightly before walking away, Balthazar a steady presence next to him. Dean watched on, his brows furrowed, his lips tipped downwards in a slightly frown. He sighed and shook his head before he turned around and looked at Anna. She only shook her head and made her way towards the impala, waiting patiently at the passenger door. 

The drive home was quiet and sullen, Anna withdrawn and unresponsive when Dean asked her if she’d rather return to her place or go to his. He wondered, as he turned onto the street of her apartment building if he had ruined everything just as it was beginning. Anna wouldn’t give him that answer until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometime this week, hopefully tuesday or wednesday I hope to have a side story/timestamp (which will be multi-chaptered) up. It'll focus on Sam and his relationships with Jess and Lucifer mostly but it'll also give a new, different perspective on Dean's relationships with Castiel and the Novaks. It might become a weekly thing, it might update whenever I get the chance, I'm not sure. Just be aware that the first chapter is in the works, it is coming, and it will be awesome (or at least it should be).


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note since it's late and I've gotta wake up nice and early in the morning for work. If you haven't noticed, there is now a 3rd part of the Fingers!Verse otherwise known as [Timestamps: Resolutions and Lovers in the Kitchen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/766241). This is basically a side story or shorts that focus on Sam and his relationships in the Fingers!Verse. It updates every other thursday (this past thursday was it's first update) and you should check it out if you haven't.
> 
> Second, in case you didn't know I do have a [tumblr](http://frayed1989.tumblr.com/) and sometimes I'll talk about things that are happening in the verse. Mainly on days that I'm working on the chapters. (Yeah, this is a shameless self-promotion. I can admit that.)
> 
> Thirdly, May 3rd-5th I will be at the NJ SPNCon with my sister and if any of you are going- I would love to meet you and talk.
> 
> And finally as usual this chapter is not beta'd so any mistakes are my own. One day I'll get to editing/revising but today is not that day. :P

The ride back to the apartment had been silent and tense. Balthazar sat tense, his knuckles white against the leather of the steering wheel as Castiel pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the passenger window and endeavored to put all thoughts of the evening to rest in his mind. He knew that the car ride was a reprieve, that Balthazar would broach the subject of the night or Dean until they were safe within the confines of the walls of their apartment, their shared home, the place that both of them had spent the past year putting together full of memories of just the two of them. Dean was encroaching on those memories and Castiel had willingly let him. He sighed and realized that whatever happened, Balthazar would be well within his rights to end everything they had painstakingly built.

He was an assbutt. A great big assbutt and now Balthazar knew it too.

He wondered how Balthazar would react. Would he be loud, demand every detail, and tear Castiel down with cruel words that hurt worse all because every word would be true. Or would he be quiet, just pack up and leave in the middle of the night without a word. Would he shout loud enough that the neighbors would come knocking on the door wondering what was wrong with or would he sit silent, his head bowed as he categorized all the belongings he would have to pack and which items they’d have to discuss because they bought it together.

Castiel took a deep breath and opened his eyes, looking over at the man next to him. Last year after Michael’s party Balthazar had grinned like a mad man and had tried to keep his focus on the road as Castiel had pressed kisses into his neck and the spot behind his ear as they giggled and raced towards Castiel’s apartment. They had stumbled into Castiel’s bed with large smiles, and laughs, and groans, and Castiel feeling for the first time since Dean that he had found something amazing, something wonderful, something worth sticking his neck out for. Last year, they had been happy falling into a new relationship and for Balthazar, a new love. Castiel wondered at how so much could change within the span of a year.

Balthazar pulled into the parking garage and turned off the ignition, his hands falling limply to his lap as he stared blankly out at the concrete wall, his lips pulled down in the frown. Castiel held his breath and thought for a moment to reach out, to touch him, spark him into action but decided against it when he realized he didn’t want to face the possibility of Balthazar flinching away from his touch. Instead he waited patiently, watching form the corner of his eye as Balthazar closed his eyes and breathed deeply as if counting to ten. He didn’t look or acknowledge Castiel when he finally pushed the door open and stepped out of the car, Castiel following quietly behind.

The elevator ride up to their apartment was just as quiet and tense as the car ride over and with every step they took down the hall towards the home, the worse Castiel felt. He had ruined something good, something great, and for what? For a man who would rather jerk him off behind his sisters back than admit the possibility that maybe he liked Castiel more than he let on. And Castiel was just as bad, worse even, forcing Anna into the same position he had been over a year ago, something he had promised himself he would never do. He felt his eyes sting and bit his lip to hold back his shame, his anger that threatened the crawl out of his throat and leave him absolutely wrecked.

The door opened and Castiel followed Balthazar in, eyes fixated on the ground as he pushed the door closed and leaned against it, his hands curling into fists as he tried to blink away tears. Balthazar paced the living room, his footfalls soft against the area rug they had picked out jokingly at an IKEA months earlier. He grunted and Castiel flinched when he heard the hard smack of Balthazar’s phone being chucked onto the coffee table before it skittered off and onto the floor. “Damn it, Cas!” Castiel closed his eyes and felt his shoulders droop. “Do I mean a god damned thing to you?” he asked, his voice strained and when Castiel opened his eyes he was standing directly in front of him, his brows furrowed in hurt and confusion.

Castiel frowned and nodded, not trusting himself to make a sound as Balthazar groaned and rolled his eyes, his hands fisted as he turned around to pace once more before stopping to stand in front of him once again. “You’re an idiot, you know that?” Castiel nodded once again in agreement which only seemed to make Balthazar angrier. “I know I technically don’t have a right to be upset. We’ve always determined that this was an open relationship and lord knows I’ve taken advantage of that in the past.” He paused and bit his lip, running a hand over his face before massaging the stubble of his chin, his blue eyes once again focusing on Castiel. “Do you still want me or is this your very fucked up way of ending our relationship?”

Castiel stood quietly for a moment and with every second that passed, Balthazar seemed to deflate, he shoulders slumping and his frown falling even more. Castiel took a step forward and reached out, his fingers curling into the soft fabric of Balthazar’s v-neck, as he shook his head and mumbled softly, “No, I don’t know.” Balthazar sighed and dropped his head, his eyes slipping shut as he bumped his forehead against Castiel’s. “You’re right though, I am an idiot.” Balthazar huffed a surprised laugh and Castiel couldn’t help but smile at the sound. It quickly fell away when Balthazar’s hands cupped his face and his nose rubbed gently along Castiel’s own. “What do you want?”

“You,” Balthazar sighed, shaking his head softly. “God help me, Cassie, I shouldn’t. You clearly do not feel the same and you obviously don’t know what the hell you want. You’re willing to fuck over your own twin sister to get what you do want.” Castiel flinched and his frown deepened as Balthazar pressed in further, his left hand dropping to curl at his waist and full him forward as his right hand continued to cup his jaw, his thumb sweeping softly over the stubble found there. “But I do. I want you any way I can have you, any way you’re willing to give. So maybe I’m the bigger idiot here. 

Castiel let his fingers curl tighter into the fabric of Balthazar’s shirt and nodded, pressing his lips softly to Balthazar’s for a moment before pulling away. “Perhaps we both are.” Balthazar sighed and pulled back, shrugging his shoulders helplessly.

“I know I should still be angry and I am but honestly I just want to crawl into bed with you and deal with this another day, in the far, far future.” Castiel frowned, his brows furrowing in confusion as he looked at Balthazar who matched his frown as he stared at a space slightly over Castiel’s head. “And possibly punch Winchester in the face. No, I really want to punch that ass in the face.” Castiel couldn’t help the laugh that punched from his gut at that and he found himself nodding, pushing Balthazar softly towards their room.

He hoped, as he settled into the cool sheets with Balthazar pressed tightly behind him, that when he woke up in the morning the answers he so desperately wanted would be easily found.

 

* * *

 

Anna didn’t bring up Castiel or talk about anything that happened at the party though Dean could tell she itched to. She didn’t say anything except to nod along and make soft sounds of agreement as Dean rambled on about Sam and Lucifer and what had happened at the party. He stealthily avoided the fact that had he been present and not off with Castiel, Sam probably wouldn’t have gotten high with Lucifer in the first place. He also wouldn’t be gripping the steering wheel hard enough for his palms to sweat and slip against the worn leather as he waited for the other shoe to drop, waited for Anna to say _something_ about the fact that he had been absent from the party for a majority of the time with her brother who he had once had sex with.

She didn’t though. Didn’t bring it up in the car, or in the parking garage at her apartment building, or in the elevator, or in the hallway. She didn’t bring it up when he followed her inside or when he plopped down on the couch. She didn’t bring it up when she handed him a beer, or toed off her shoes and placed her feet in his lap as they watched the latest episode of _The Following_ because they had missed it earlier on in the week. She didn’t bring it up when he rubbed the arches of her feet, or when they shut off the TV in favor of going to bed. She didn’t bring it up when they brushed their teeth, and Dean stripped down to his boxers as Anna changed into one of Dean’s old worn work shirts from the shop. She didn’t bring it up when they slipped under the covers and Dean curled around her back and wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her close to him. She didn’t bring it up at all and Dean wondered if perhaps she didn’t _know_ though he had been sure she had.

The next morning started off normal as well and Dean watched as she moved gracefully about the apartment, making omelets and sausage links and pouring orange juice as Dean set the table for two and listened to a voice mail from Sam apologizing profusely for his actions and would he please promise _not_ to tell Bobby or Ellen or Jo or Ash about it and that he’d meet up with him later. (He’d also been disturbed to hear Lucifer cackling in the background and had hoped desperately that Sam wasn’t having a side relationship with a Novak like his big brother.)

Yet they sat and had breakfast and Anna laughed when Dean professed his worries that perhaps Sam was a little bit too close to Lucifer and the other shoe _didn’t drop_. Anna smiled and laughed and leaned over the kitchen table to press soft kisses to his lips before she stood up to clear the table, her hips swinging in time to whatever song she was humming. Dean could only smile and stand to help her, though his smile was dulled by the guilt that settled in his stomach and the knowledge that eventually she would find out. The other shoe would drop and Dean was in for a world of hurt that he could only blame on himself. He could only guess at how long it would be before then.

It turned out not to be that long at all and Dean was more than happy to grab at the chance to try and settle the blame on Sam’s shoulders. Stupid Sam who just had to insist on meeting that that stupid coffee shop which of course, Castiel just had to be there with his douchey looking boyfriend no less. And because the world didn’t hate Dean enough, Anna had decided to tag along as well as Gabriel and Lucifer.

He had hesitated, of course he had hesitated when they made their way to the glass door and Castiel was sitting right there, sipping on a cup of coffee with Balthazar pressed up next to him in that overstuffed chair that was in no way made for two grown men. Dean froze, and the guilt that had been settling in his stomach grew and made it’s way into his chest as well. Anna grinned and plopped down in the chair adjacent to Castiel and Balthazar’s. She looked up at Dean and quirked her eyebrow up when she noticed him still standing in the doorway. Castiel noticed as well though his eyes only slid to Dean for a moment before they focused once more on the man beside him.

He gave Anna soft smile in reply and quickly made his way to her, bending down and kissing her temple softly as he got her coffee order. Dean tried not to look at Castiel but failed and lowered his eyes quickly before Castiel’s own could meet his. He was more than happy to escape to the coffee bar, and his brother, instead of looking at the constant reminder of the night before and the fact that he felt guiltier about leading Anna on then the actual act of what had happened between him and Castiel.

It was confusing, seeing him there, squeezed in at Balthazar’s side as if he belonged there when he fit against Dean so perfectly the night before, when he had spent the night previous in Dean’s lap, in Dean’s hands, moaning Dean’s name like it was a prayer, salvation. He couldn’t reconcile the two, couldn’t understand how Castiel could be so completely his and then go back to Balthazar as if he hadn’t just spent the night previous gasping Dean’s name like it was the only name he knew. He also didn’t understand how he could do the same so easily with Anna.

Sam was then, in fact, the perfect excuse to not deal with shit that Dean knew he should deal with. He made his way over but faltered slightly when he noticed Lucifer leaning against the bar casually, smiling a laughing along with Sam and Jess as if he belonged there. He said something that had both Sam and Jess in hysterics by the time Dean approached, more cautious then before, with one eyebrow raised at his brother in question. Sam stifled his laugh, coughing as if to cover it up when he noticed Dean’s approach as Jess smiled and waved. Lucifer merely smirked and stood closer to Sam, knocking his hip slightly with his own.

“Hey Dean,” Sam said softly, and Jess and Lucifer followed the greeting shortly after with one of their own. Dean gave a soft smile but felt it strain when he directed it at Lucifer. 

“Hey Sammy, Jess,” he paused and fought to keep his voice normal as he greeted Lucifer, “Lucifer.” He paused and looked around before settling his focus back on his younger brother whose brows were furrowed together in confusion and worry, as if he could sense Dean’s unease and knew it wasn’t simply due to Lucifer’s presence. “No hangover I see,” Dean commented as a way to derail any thoughts Sam had on asking him about his _feelings_. Sam shrugged and sipped on his coffee.

“Yeah, Luc made sure I was good and hydrated before we passed out last night. Had Denny’s for breakfast as well, that helped,” Sam said with a smile as Jess rolled her eyes and reached across the counter to push lightly at his shoulder.

“Don’t let him try and fool you Dean, he was an absolute wreck this morning. I had to hold his hair back,” she giggled softly. Dean raised an eyebrow up in question and smirked at his baby brother who gaped at his girlfriend, mouth opening and closing like a fish. Lucifer tapped his chin with a chuckle and Sam quickly closed his mouth and sent Jess a mock glare. “Sam drunk dialed me last night and begged me to come over, so I get there and those two are slumped over each other passed out in one of Lucifer’s brother’s guest rooms. Needless to say I was annoyed but watching them deal with their giant hangovers this morning was worth it.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Sam was a mess, true. I however don’t get hangovers. I know how to hold my liquor.” Jess mouthed a blatant ‘no’ behind her hand towards Dean and smiled sweetly when Lucifer’s eyes narrowed and Sam tried to hide another guffaw behind his hand. Dean decided then that he could definitely deal with Lucifer if Jess was there. It was while she was filling Dean and Anna’s order a moment later that Dean reached over and smacked his brother’s shoulder, pointing towards the blonde as he leaned in and said in undertone, “Marry that girl, Sammy.”

Sam blushed and ducked his head, turning towards Lucifer, who grinned and rubbed at Sam’s lower back though Dean couldn’t see, when Jess returned and slid two steaming mugs of coffee Dean’s way. It was then at that moment that Gabriel decided to make his presence known. He bounded up and bumped Dean out of the way, slapping his hands on the counter. “My usual please and thank you, you blonde goddess!” He grinned widely as Jess rolled her eyes before he turned and looked up at Dean who had gingerly moved the two hot mugs of coffee away. “Dean-o! What a surprise to see you here!”

“And why would that be?” Dean asked, immediately regretting the question when Gabriel’s hazel eyes sparked and his grin turned mean.

“Well considering what happened last night-“

“Happened last night?” Sam cut in, frowning as he reached forward and clapped one large hand on Dean’s shoulder, forcing him to turn back towards his younger brother. Sam’s brows were once again furrowed and his lips were pulled down slightly. “Dean, is everything ok?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine!” Dean exclaimed, turning his gaze back on Gabriel in warning. How the other man knew anything when it was obvious that Castiel hadn’t divulged any information due to the fact that Balthazar was still all over him was a mystery to Dean. But Gabriel ignored the look and licked at the whipped cream of his drink once Jess slid it over.

“Well I just figured after last night you would have taken my advice. However since both Anna and Castiel are over there chatting away happily that’s not the case.” Dean frowned and glared down at Gabriel who continued to sip on his drink as if he wasn’t consciously trying to ruin Dean’s life in front his of younger brother and his awesome girlfriend. (He couldn’t give a damn about what Lucifer thought of him but figured it probably wouldn’t be good to piss off another one of Anna and Castiel’s older brothers either.)

“Wait, something happened last night?” Sam asked again, once more, sounding more lost by the second. Dean ignored him in favor of staring at Gabriel, trying to figure out exactly what his game was and failing miserably as he held to coffee mugs, steam rising from their depths.

“Whatever you’re trying to say, Gabriel, why don’t you just spit it out?” Dean growled and Gabriel’s smirk widened. 

“See,” he said, pointing at Dean, his index finger waggling in the air as he stepped forward into Dean’s space. “That’s what I like about you Dean-o. Now if only you could take that conviction and use it on yourself.” Even though he was shorter than Dean, Gabriel still somehow managed to tower over him as if he had the upper hand. If Dean was truthful, he did. “You need to make a choice. I thought you had last night but apparently I was wrong.” He turned and looked towards Castiel and Anna who were laughing and smiling, though Dean could tell even from where he stood that Castiel’s laughs and smiles were strained, forced, sad. “You need to make it soon otherwise I might step in and do it for you.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter! Sorry guys. Reminder that next sunday I will be at the NJ con so I have no clue when I'll get the next chapter up. My hope is that I'll be able to write a bit while through the course of the week and while I'm there so that I'll be able to post it up when I get home. However it's very possible that chapter 14 won't be up till monday. Sorry.
> 
> Again, this chapter is un-beta'd so any mistakes (and I'm sure there are some) are my own. Sorry guys. I promise you once I finish this, I'm going to go back and edit and make it even better. :) Then you'll have to read it again. Mwahahahaha.

“What do you mean, ‘do it for you’?” Sam asked, his voice breaking through Dean’s reverie as he stood stalk still, his eyes glued on the shorter smirking man before him. “Dean, what’s going on? What does he mean?” Dean could practically hear the furrowed brow and puppy-dog eyes in his brother’s voice though he didn’t turn and acknowledge him, couldn’t, not when Gabriel was threatening to bring his world tumbling down with that simple threat. He couldn’t answer Sam’s questions then, wouldn’t answer them ever if he could get away with it. Not when Sam knowing the answers meant changing how he saw Dean forever.

“Back off, Gabriel,” Dean growled, taking on step forward, intimidating or at least attempting to but Gabriel’s smirk only widened and his eyes narrowed slightly as he shook his head.

“No.” Gabriel grinned and lifted his mug in salute to Jess who watched on warily behind the counter before he turned back to Dean. “Tick-tock, Dean-o. Time is a’ wastin’.” He turned around and bounded back towards Anna, Castiel, and Balthazar. Dean started forward, ready to grab Anna and run, but Sam’s large hand clasped on his shoulder held him back, the coffee sloshing in the mug, dark droplets hitting the clean tiled floor.

“Dean, will you answer me? What the hell is going on?” Sam demanded, trying to turn his brother around and failing as Dean rolled his shoulder out from under Sam’s grasp and shook his head.

“Not now, Sam,” Dean growled. He ignored his brother calling out his name and tried to school his face to passiveness though many patrons shot him strange looks as he made his way towards the small group settled on the now familiar chair and couch. He passed Anna her mug and settled next to her while Balthazar and Castiel looked on, confusion marring their faces, though Balthazar seemed to look at him as if he were a dead spider stuck to the underside of his ridiculously expensive leather shoes at the same time. He shrugged his shoulders and waved off their looks as he calmly sipped on his lukewarm coffee, eyeing Gabriel warily who snickered behind his own mug. 

“Dean?” Anna asked softly as she looked back at Sam. Dean followed her gaze and frowned when he once again noticed Sam bent towards Lucifer though Jess was also at his side.

“It’s nothing,” Dean replied, shaking his head. He sighed and took another drink of his coffee before setting it down on the table in front of him.  He rested his arm along the back of the couch and propped his left foot up on his knee, trying to exude comfort though he felt anything but comfort in the current environment. Anna frowned but didn’t press as she turned back towards the group and settled into Dean’s side. Castiel frowned and averted his gaze. Balthazar tightened his grip on Castiel’s waist and narrowed his eyes. Dean fought the urge to pull away and focused his gaze on the coffee table in front of him.

“Well,” Gabriel placed his empty mug down on the table as well and clapped his hands loudly, as if to draw everyone’s attention though he already had it. “As much fun as it is watching you all tip toe around your issues, I gotta life and a date with a beautiful woman awaiting me, so…” He stood up casting Dean a meaningful glance as he shrugged on his jacket while Castiel pulled away from Balthazar to sit upright and Anna shifted awkwardly next to Dean.

“Gabriel?” Gabriel’s smile softened and he reached out, ruffling Castiel’s hair affectionately. Castiel frowned and waved his hand away, his blue eyes narrowing slightly as Gabriel snickered and tugged lightly on a tuft of hair.

“Do you really want me to stay and ask the hard questions, Cassie?” Castiel’s frown deepened and he bit at his lower lip, his eyes darting downwards once more. “That’s what I thought and I don’t think Dean-o here is up to answering them either.” Both Balthazar and Dean started at that, each jerking slightly in their seats, Dean in surprise and Balthazar in anger, as if even the mere mention of Dean’s name said warranted it. Gabriel rolled his eyes and tapped his brother on the head before leaning over and kissing Anna on the cheek though she made no move to reciprocate the affection. “My advise? Sort it out, preferably here so Luc can fill me in later. The longer you drag this TV melodrama you’ve got going, the worse it’s going to become.” Dean tensed, his grip on the back of the couch tightening as Castiel clenched his jaw and Balthazar’s lips thinned. Gabriel shrugged his shoulder and turned around, sauntering out of the café as if he hadn’t thrown the biggest wrench into his sibling’s lives.

Dean waited patiently, watching Anna carefully as she sat tense for a moment next to him before closing her eyes and shaking her head, relaxing back into his side as if she had decided not to pay Gabriel’s words any heed. She sipped at her cool coffee and didn’t say a word. Castiel, after staring blankly ahead for a few moments longer, took a cue from his sister and sighed, the tension easing from his body with the release of breath. Dean waited for something, anything to happen, knew that the tension still permeating the air, despite what everyone’s body language said, would give way to something angry and harsh. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Alright Winchester,” Balthazar bit out as he pushed himself forward in the overstuffed chair, jostling Castiel next to him, clambering to his feet, long limbs stumbling slightly as Castiel shook his head and pulled softly at his jacket. Dean raised an eyebrow up in question but otherwise didn’t move. “Outside. You and me, we’re going to have a talk.” Castiel shook his head more vehemently and tugged harder, Balthazar’s name falling softly from his lips. Balthazar batted his hand away and quelled him with a glare. “No, Cassie. This is going to happen. Better it happen on the street than in this fine establishment.”

“What? You wanna fight?” Dean asked, incredulous. Balthazar nodded once, a sharp jerk of his head as he shucked off his jacket and held it out in Castiel’s general direction, blue gaze focused on Dean who huffed a disbelieving laugh and shook his head, eyes darting away. “No way, dude. I’m not gonna fight you." 

“Why not?” Balthazar barked, his arms a long tense, sinew of muscle, veins bulging slightly with each tight clench of his fists. Dean shook his head and noticed that Balthazar had gained the attention of Sam, Lucifer, and Jess, as well a majority of the other patrons gathered in the small café.

“Come on, man. Now is not the time or the place. Just sit back down,” Dean said, gesturing to the overstuffed chair behind him and Castiel in it. Castiel who was once again tense, his hands fisted on his knees, his lips thin, his eyes downcast, and his jaw clenched tight. But Balthazar only shook his head and jerked his head once more to the door. “I’m not gonna fight you, back off.”

“Either you walk out there on your own or I will drag you out,” Balthazar growled. Dean moved to sit up but Anna held him back with a soft hand on his arm, shaking her head slowly once Dean met her gaze before she nodded towards Castiel who stood up slowly, folding Balthazar’s coat gently over his arm.

“That is enough, Balthazar,” Castiel said lowly, his voice steel and harsh as he wrapped one hand around Balthazar’s arm in warning. Balthazar shook his head and opened his mouth but Castiel cut him off quickly, his eyes flashing in anger. “No. That is enough.” Balthazar stood still for a moment as he stared down at Castiel and Dean wondered if he was internally debating whether or not to listen to Castiel. Listening to Castiel won out in the end and Balthazar sneered, yanking his jacket from Castiel’s arms and storming out of the café, leaving Castiel standing taut and silent.

He sighed, all fight leaving his body once Balthazar cleared the door and stalked down the street before he turned towards Anna and Dean, his lips pulled downwards and his brows furrowed together. “Sorry, I have to…” he trailed off with a sigh and a shrug of his shoulders. Anna nodded and pushed herself up, enveloping her twin in a hug before patting his hair down as if to tame it. Castiel gave her a soft smile in returned and nodded once at Dean, almost hesitant to do so, before he left, the bell tinkling overhead with the opening of the door.

Anna slumped back into her seat beside Dean with a sigh while Sam and Lucifer joined them, fresh cups of coffee in their hands. Lucifer grinned around the lip of his mug as he assessed the situation, how Anna didn’t sit as close to Dean has she had been before, her body turned slightly away from him, how Dean sat a little too loose, his dirty fingers picking at a fraying thread on the arm rest. He leaned forward and nudged Sam’s knee lightly with his own from where they sat on the adjacent loveseat. “So, what happened? It looked like Balthy was ready to blow his lid. I’ve never seen him look so,” he paused and took another sip of his coffee, his grin widening as his eyes closed while he breathed deeply, “incensed." 

Anna rolled her eyes but didn’t reply, preferring to sit in silence and Dean happily followed her lead. Lucifer shrugged his shoulders and sat back in his seat, nudging Sam gently with his shoulders. Dean raised an eyebrow in question at Sam but didn’t get an answer. Sam only sipped quietly on his coffee but it was obvious from his expression that Dean was going to have a lot of explaining to do later when they got home. Dean thought Sam had some explaining of his own to do as well.

 

* * *

 

Castiel stood tense, his fists clenching against his side as he watched Balthazar pace the living room once more. He had thought when Balthazar had commented on exacting physical violence again Dean the night previous that he had been joking. Apparently he had been mistaken. He gathered his thoughts and wondered briefly if he had any right to ask the questions that were so ready to be spoken on his tongue but pushed the thought away when he thought of Anna, poor Anna who didn’t need to be dragged into Balthazar’s macho-man fight with Dean. 

“Are you going to explain to me what just happened back there?” Castiel asked softly, his voice once more carrying the steely weight of the question, the absolute assurance that he was not amused with Balthazar’s earlier actions. 

“No, Castiel. I’m not. Frankly I think everything that happened was pretty self explanatory.” Castiel nodded and slowly pulled off his overcoat, methodically hanging it up before he emptied his pockets of his keys and wallet, dropping them on the table by the door before turning back to Balthazar, meeting his narrowed gaze with a glare of his own.

“Fine. Next time you decide you want to show off how much more of a man you are, please don’t do it in the presence of my sister, or me for that matter.” He nodded sharply once before crossing the living room and making his way down the hall towards the master bedroom as he began swiftly unbuttoning his dress shirt. 

“It wasn’t about that at all Castiel and you know it!” Balthazar called and Castiel could hear the footfalls of him following. Castiel rolled his eyes and shucked the dress shirt of, flinging it towards the hamper and missing before he sat down on the bed and tugged the laces of his shoes loose.

“Well are you going to tell me what it was about?” Castiel asked, his voice, once again, deceptively soft. He toed off his shoes and pushed them under the bed before pulling off his socks as Balthazar stood in the doorway.

“It was about the fact that he put his hands on you and acted as if he hadn’t done a damn thing wrong,” Balthazar growled. Castiel slowly raised his head and met Balthazar’s gaze once more. 

“I put my hands on him as well.” He stood up and crossed the room, crowding Balthazar’s space, his body taut and ready for anything Balthazar could possibly give. “I put my hands on him and I acted like everything was perfectly normal. Do you want to fight me too?”

Balthazar grunted softly and closed his eyes, shaking his head sadly as he took a step back. Castiel frowned, his eyes searching Balthazar’s face for any sign of the fight he had in him moments ago. He found none and he wondered if perhaps he had been a bit too harsh, especially following the events of the previous night. “Damn it, Cassie. You’ll do just about anything to remind me that you’re not mine, won’t you.” He frowned and reached forward, cupping Castiel’s jaw softly as he pressed a soft kiss to his temple before turning around and leaving the room.

Castiel heard the soft click of the front door a few moments later and wondered if he had pressed too hard, if Balthazar would be back or not. He thought briefly for moment that it wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t come back. He hated himself immediately once the thought filtered through his head to his heart and he sat on the bed, his head in his hands, trying to figure out how everything in his life when to shit so quickly.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY AN UPDATE! Sorry for taking so long, guys. The con was tons of fun but left little time for writing and it didn't help that this week interims were due today and since I'm just the long term sub, I didn't find out till monday. 
> 
> Anyways, here's the update. Hopefully the fact that I am update sunday (meaning you only have a 3 day wait for the next chapter) will keep you guys cheerful. The chapter is not beta'd so any mistakes are mine. Enjoy.
> 
> [also you should totally follow me on my [tumblr](http://frayed1989.tumblr.com/) if you don't already- just saying]

Part of Dean wondered if he should have fought harder, if he should have stayed and tried to reason with her instead of nodding numbly along as she softly stated that they should “take a break, figure out what they wanted” before quietly exiting the familiar apartment feeling numb and useless, wondering why he couldn’t soothe her fears when given the chance. Afterwards it was easy to list off the numerous reasons as to why they worked, why they were good together, why they didn’t need a stupid break. But back in that apartment, the list of reasons as to why they should take a break was heavy and all encompassing. Castiel.

Castiel. It confused Dean, his feelings for the man that somehow seemed to overtake every thing he knew. Just being in the same room as Castiel made Dean want to reach out, claim him, _take_ him for his own even when someone as amazing and beautiful as Anna was on his arm. It was ridiculous and Dean should have had better control of himself, should have been a better boyfriend, a better man, and if he was honest, both Anna and Castiel gave him more than he deserved.

If he were a better man, Dean would end things, cut things cleanly and let Anna go, let her move on to a guy who could focus solely on her and not let his eyes wander to her blue-eyed, mussed haired twin. If he were a better man, he’d stay away from Castiel, vow to never set eyes on him again and finally let go of the small bit of _feeling_ (he wouldn’t, couldn’t, call it anything else though his mind whispered the name of it often whenever he saw Castiel) that had burrowed into his chest that night over a year ago.

But he wasn’t a better man and instead of making the hard choices like he should, like his father, his mother, taught him to, like Sammy depended on him to. Dean didn’t make a choice at all. Instead he hunkered down at the Roadhouse and tried to forget. Tried to drown his thoughts in whiskey and the familiar sounds of _REO Speedwagon_ playing on the old jukebox in the corner as Jo chatted happily to a couple further down the bar and Ellen shot him concerned glances as she wiped down the other end of the bar.

He swirled the amber liquid and listened to the soft clink of ice against the glass tumbler before he took another swallow and set the glass down. He ran a hand over his face, palming his pursed lips as he frowned and noted that once again, his thoughts had turned back to Anna, to Castiel. He sighed and shook his head, tapping his fingers on the worn wood as he debated the idea of another drink since his three fingers were nearly gone when Ellen nudged him softly in the side, causing him to jump and curse softly at her sudden appearance.

“Whoa there, boy. It’s just me,” she said softly, arms raised upwards in mock defense as she slid onto the stool next him. She knocked her knuckles against Dean’s glass and raised an eyebrow. “Haven’t seen you contemplate a drink like this since your father passed. You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

“Not, really, no,” Dean said gruffly, the left corner of Dean’s lips lifted up in a sham of a smile as he took up his glass once more, giving it another swirl before he finished the drink, setting back down softly. Ellen huffed and reached over the bar, refilling his glass as she watched him, her smooth brow creased in question. 

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain boy you and I both know and love?” Dean barked out a surprised laugh, his smile genuine as he shook his head once more and turned his gaze towards the woman next to him.

“Nah, Sammy’s great. On the road to becoming partner at his firm and he’s got a great girl. You’d be proud.” Ellen nodded and nudged Dean’s shoulder gently, a soft smile curling his lips, deepening the small wrinkles gathered at the corners of her mouth and eyes.

“I’m already proud of you boys. Your daddy would be proud too.” Dean shook his head as his gaze once more drifted to the glass in front of him and Ellen’s smile fell slightly as she shook her head and sighed with fond frustration. “I know you don’t believe it but he would’ve been. He would’ve been a fool not to be.” Dean shrugged his shoulders and forced his gaze up and away from the tumbler of whiskey though he found he couldn’t quite meet Ellen’s searching one. His grip on the glass tightened slightly. “You sure you don’t want to tell me what’s really goin’ on?”

“Not really, Ellen. It’s-“

“Complicated,” Ellen finished, one eyebrow raised as she shook her head and pushed herself away from the bar. “Alright, I get it. I’ll leave you to it.” She thumped Dean gently on the back before retreating to the backroom. Dean sighed and took another sip of his drink.

Ten more minutes passed in relative silence, the jukebox moving onto _Creedence Clearwater Revival_ as Jo moved out from behind bar and Ash took over while the dinner crowd filtered in. Dean finished his glass and poured himself another from the bottle Ellen had left, ignoring the narrowed eyes Jo shot his way as she made her way towards the kitchen to put in an order.

He didn’t hear the footsteps that approached the bar and ignored the scrape of the stool next him against the hardwood floors as he once again focused his sight on the glass before him. He could feel the warmth of the amber liquid settling inside his stomach, the faint fuzz that began at his temples and tingled at his fingertips, and the heat that settled at his side in the seat next to him before a large familiar hand clapped firmly on his shoulder. He sighed and shook his head before looking over at his larger brother. “Sammy, what are you doing here? Don’t you have a date?”

“Yeah,” Sam said with a soft smile and shrug to match. “She’s over there.” He turned slightly and pointed out the small blonde who smiled and gave a short wave when Dean turned to look. Lucifer, who was standing next to her, gave a little wave of his fingers as well and Dean frowned, his brows furrowing even more when he turned back towards Sam.

“Dude, what’s _he_ doing on your date?” Sam rolled his eyes and turned back towards the bar, raising his hand to get Ash’s attention and putting in orders for drinks before answering.

“I’m not exactly on my date, Dean.”

“Well that’s not my fault,” Dean bristled, settling over his drink once more, palms absorbing the sweat and the ice clinking once more as he took another sip. Sam sighed heavily next to him and shook his head.

“No, but I wasn’t going to leave you here alone when Jo called to warn me that you apparently are planning on drinking your body weight in whiskey.” Dean shook his head and shot Jo a glare when she swept by them with a nod at Sam. They sat quietly for a moment, Sam staring at Dean and Dean staring down at his glass. “So, you want to tell me what happened?”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Dean said and Sam shook his head, clearly aware of Dean’s no so subtle attempt at avoiding his question. Sam sighed once more and Dean could practically feel the puppy dog eyes boring into his profile as he had a stare off with his drink. “She wants to take a break,” Dean finally confided, his voice gruff and deep as he finished his drink before looking over at his brother who frowned as if he already knew. “Don’t know why, if she doesn’t want to be together anymore, why doesn’t she just fucking end it? What the hell is a _break_ going to do?”

Sam pursed his lips and drew his brows together, looking at Dean as if the answer was obvious and Dean was purposely being obtuse. Dean shook his head and resisted the urge to fill his glass once more. “Well,” Sam started, slow as to give Dean the chance to stop him if needed. “With everything that’s happened, don’t you think perhaps that’s exactly what you two need? Time apart to really think about what you want?”

“And what is it exactly that you think I want?” Dean challenged, daring Sam to give the wrong answer, maybe even the right answer, the answer that Dean refused to acknowledge because there was no way, no way that he could feel so strongly for man he had been with _once over a year ago_ , not when he was with Anna, had been with Anna for months before finding out that she was related to him.

Sam’s lips thinned and his nostrils flared slightly as he leveled Dean with a stare that told him Sam wouldn’t back down, wouldn’t let Dean avoid it any longer. “I think you want Castiel and that you’re afraid so you’re settling for what you think you should want. I think you like Anna but you lo-“

“ _Don’t_ ,” Dean interrupted, his eyes narrowing but Sam continued on, heedless of Dean’s objection.

“You _love_ him Dean. I don’t know how or why but you do. You found something in him that night that freaked you out because, of course, Dean Winchester doesn’t _deserve_ it.” Dean grunted and pushed himself back, the stool squealing against the polished wood floor as he stood up in an attempt to get away but Sam was up with him, following him, so close that Dean could still feel him. He bounded out the door, Sam close on his heels. “You always do this, Dean, you always run away from things or try to bury them or ignore them or replace them with something less scary, less _real_.”

Dean rounded on Sam, pushing him up against the brick siding of the Roadhouse, his hands fisted in the lapels of Sam’s jacket as he tried to loom over his taller brother, meeting Sam’s glare with one of his own. “ _Stop it_ ,” Dean hissed, “just stop. You don’t know a damn thing Sam so _stop talking_.”

Sam huffed but stayed quiet and Dean slowly let him go, stepping back and palming his face as he turned around, away from Sam and the truth. Sam grunted and Dean turned around to find his brother’s expression turn into one of sadness as if he couldn’t understand why Dean did the things he did, why he could just accept and go after the things that scared him, that made him happy. “ _Sam, please._ ”

Sam shook his head and stepped forward, large hand resting on Dean’s shoulder as if to ground him and reassure him all at once. “You’re my big brother Dean, I love you, and I’m going to stand by you no matter what but right now you really need to think about what it is exactly you want, not what you think you _should_ want.” Dean sighed and shook his head but he didn’t shrug off Sam’s hand and didn’t try to deny it, any of what Sam had said.

They stood silently for a few moments before Dean huffed and knocked his shoulder with Sam’s, nodding towards the entrance of the bar. “Come on, let’s get you back on that date.” Sam gave a soft smile and shook his head, hooking his arm around Dean’s neck as they started for the door.

“Nah, think we’ll stick around, hang out. You look like you need some company, or at least a designated driver to get your ass home,” Sam chuckled and Dean groaned, shaking his head.

“Man, I don’t know if I can deal with Lucifer tonight,” he groused, eyes narrowing when the man in question came into sight. Sam laughed, his head thrown back in amusement and Dean couldn’t help but smile as they made their way towards the table where Lucifer and Jess sat, chatting and sipping on the drinks that Sam had ordered earlier. Dean assumed Ash had brought them over and he soon found himself sliding into the bench next to Jess at Sam’s insistence. She grinned and gave his arm a light squeeze before sliding over a glass of water over as Lucifer chuckled behind his tumbler.

Dean was surprised to find that while he didn’t exactly trust Lucifer in terms of Sam, he could definitely tolerate him and his wicked sense of humor as well as his obvious avoidance of anything to do with either Anna or Castiel though Dean supposed that was due to whatever Sam had whispered in his ear when they had first sat down. Before Dean knew it, an hour had flown by and he was having a very hard time not cracking up at a story Lucifer was telling when a commotion from the other side of the bar drew his attention.

Ellen had returned from the back and was confronting a customer who was getting a little too friendly with another customer in one of the corner booths. Dean frowned and looked over at Sam who was leaning out of his seat to get a better view. His eyes widened and his lips thinned when the bar went silent and the slightly slurred tones of a cultured british accent filtered through. Dean stilled and he could feel all eyes at the table turn to him as he slowly pushed himself up out of his seat. Sam reached out and grabbed his arm, shaking his head from side to side slowly, willing Dean to leave it alone.

Dean shook his head and pulled away, slowly making his way across the bar and sure enough, there was Balthazar sprawled out in the booth, a young twenty-something sitting halfway on top of him, biting his all-too-swollen lips as he smirked and tried to placate Ellen with wide hands and soft apologies. “This is a family establishment, sirs, so I must insist you separate or vacate the premises,” Ellen stated, hands on hips and hard glint in her eyes booking no argument.

Twenty-something argued anyways, lips pulled in a sneer as he turned towards Ellen and said loudly, “you’re only asking us to leave because we’re two men. If we’d been a straight couple, you wouldn’t give a shit.” Ellen rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest and Dean wondered at how anyone talked back to her when faced with that look.

“That is not the case at all. The fact is that you two were about five seconds away to fornicating on my table and in case it had escaped your notice, public exposure and sexual acts are illegal by law here in Kansas. So again, either separate and conduct yourselves in a manner that befits this establishment or you get the hell out of my bar.” The kid huffed and turned back to Balthazar as the older man sighed heavily and dropped his hands.

He groaned loudly when Dean made his presence known as he came to stand behind Ellen, lips pulled in a frown and hand settling softly on Ellen’s shoulder as he asked, “Need any help?” Ellen shook her head but didn’t shrug off his touch as she stared down the two men slumped in the booth. Balthazar’s lips curled into a sneer that rivaled the kid’s next to him and he lurched forward and out of the booth. 

“Of course you’re here, Winchester,” he growled, steadying himself with a palm pressed flat to the table.

Ellen frowned and turned towards Dean, jerking her thumb towards the drunk brit. “You know each other?” Dean opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by Balthazar’s loud bark of laughter. 

“Know each other? He’s fucking my boyfriend behind his girlfriend’s back,” Balthazar laughed and Dean blanched when Ellen’s head whipped quickly back to the man. “Who also happens to be my boyfriend’s twin sister,” Balthazar finished with a chuckle, finger waggling loosely in the air. He stumbled forward and into Dean’s space, nose centimeters away from Dean’s, his breath warm and foul with the stench of vodka. “Great man, Winchester. Just tromps into lives and fucks them up.” 

Dean pulled back and glared at the other man as Ellen pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. “Get him out of here Dean, I don’t need this.” Dean nodded and reached forward, grabbing Balthazar’s bicep to haul him out and throw him in a cab but Balthazar reeled back, falling back into the booth and the younger man who had been trying to leave after Balthazar’s loud outburst.

“Keep your bloody hands off me, you neanderthal!” Dean held his hands up and Balthazar cursed and pushed himself wobbly back to his feet. “I can find my own way out, I certainly do not need your help.”

“Fine with me,” Dean bit out, sweeping his arm out grandly towards the door. Balthazar stumbled forward, a sneer on his lips, before he found his balance and made his way out of the bar.

“Make sure he gets in a cab, the last thing I need is a lawsuit because that idiot fell down outside my place of business.” Dean resisted the impulse to tell her to fuck off and nodded, turning to follow the older man out when Ellen stopped him with a hand on his arm. “If any of what he said is true, I hope for your sake that you figure your shit out and fast. That is not how your daddy raised you. 

Dean tensed but nodded and followed Balthazar out of the bar, his hands fisted at his sides, his knuckles begging for something to hit.

 

* * *

 

Castiel groaned and turned into the pillow, hoping that whoever was at the door would cease and desist the banging within the next few minutes. He pulled the duvet closer and curled his legs to his chest. He sighed and reached out, feeling the cool sheets next to him and he wondered if the banging was Balthazar. He sighed and pushed the covers off, pulling himself up to sit on the bed and rub at his eyes. He rubbed at his eyes and pushed himself up off the bed, padding his way out of the bedroom and into the hall. 

The banging grew in volume though they came at fewer increments as Castiel made his way to the door. He paused in front of it and took a deep breath before turning the lock, bolts thunking into place. The banging stopped and Castiel sighed softly, turning the doorknob slowly and pulling the door open. He was surprised when he saw a bruised and slightly bloodied Dean Winchester standing in Balthazar’s stead, his shoulder pressed up against the doorframe, hair matted to his forehead, shirt wrinkled and dirtied, and green eyes tired.

“Dean.”

Dean nodded and reached forward, his thumb skimming across Castiel’s cheekbone as Dean stepped forward into the apartment and Castiel’s space, his breath fanning soft across Castiel’s lips. Castiel closed his eyes and stepped back, pulling Dean with him as he shut the door.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but A LOT of content. Be warned.
> 
> Not beta'd so all mistakes are my own. One day I'll got back and edit and then you'll have to read this all over again so hopefully you all enjoy this or I suppose you wouldn't have made it this far.

Heat engulfed him, pressing sharply to his back and sliding warmth across his waist. He curled his toes and pressed back into the hard length of chest, groin, and legs as he sighed his contentment. His return to reality was slow, light peeking through the slats in the blinds as breath ghosted warm and moist at the back of his neck. Calloused fingers and palm gripped tightly at his hand and Castiel felt the body behind him press closer.

Castiel ran the fingers of his free hand lightly over the back of Dean’s and laughed when Dean grunted and nuzzled his nose against the back of Castiel’s neck. “Dean,” he called softly and felt the other man shake his head and murmur quietly, trying to press closer into his back as if he wanted to crawl inside Castiel and stay. Castiel sighed and turned onto his back, ignoring the soft whine that Dean gave and smiling at the small frown that tugged at his lips. “Dean.”

“Five more minutes.” A soft smile tugged at Dean’s lips as he pressed them against, Castiel’s neck, his nose tickling the soft hairs as he pulled Castiel closer, twining their legs together under the heavy duvet. Castiel rolled his eyes and waited, a small content smile of his own pulling the corners of his mouth upwards as he interlocked his fingers with Dean’s. Dean grunted and nipped at his ear but squeezed back as Castiel jumped slightly. A small hiss escaped his lips when Castiel’s elbow gently knocked his ribs and he pulled back slightly, frowning, finally opening his eyes, squinting them against the light.

“Sorry,” Castiel frowned, tugging his hand away to press gently at Dean’s side. Dean shook his head as his gaze lowered to Castiel’s hand. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

Dean groaned and rolled onto his back, putting a small amount of distance between them on the bed as he rubbed a palm down his face. “You want to ask me that now? After we…” he trailed off and waved a hand in the air as Castiel watched, propping himself up on his elbow, eyebrow raised. Dean floundered and blushed when Castiel refused to finish his sentence.

“If you can’t say sex, then maybe we shouldn’t have done it.” Dean tsk’d and rolled his eyes, glaring at Castiel who met it with an un-amused stare of his own. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, Dean, but you’ve got to _tell me_. Don’t get pissy at me just because I asked you a legitimate question.” Dean frowned but nodded, sighing heavily, his nostrils flaring with the exhalation. “You really don’t have to,” Castiel began but Dean waved him off and turned his face towards him.

“No, you’re right and it’s not like you won’t find out anyways.” Castiel tensed and his frown deepened, his brows pulling together as he waited patiently for Dean to continue. “After the coffee shop, Anna and I went back to her place,” he began and cringed when he saw Castiel’s face fall. “She decided we needed to take a break-“

“And you figured what a perfect chance to guiltlessly have sex with me,” Castiel interrupted. He pushed himself up and away from Dean, curling his legs to his chest as he focused his hard gaze on the wall in front of him. Dean pushed himself up as well and pulled on Castiel’s shoulder, forcing the other man to face him.

“Don’t try and paint me like I’m the bad guy here. It’s not like that and you know it. Fuck, Cas, I,” he cut himself off and groaned, rubbing at his eyes. He sighed and closed his eyes, unable to actually look at Castiel while he tried to put what he felt into words. “I need you okay. Last night I went to a bar figuring I’d get shit-faced drunk and pass out in Ellen’s guestroom but then Balthazar was there and he was all over some kid and I just freaked out.” Dean paused and he could feel Castiel’s eyes staring holes into him. He sighed and shook his head. “After that all I wanted was to see you, Cas. Not Sammy, not Anna, you. I needed you.”

They sat in silence, Dean shoulders slumped forward and his head dropping so that his chin nearly touching his chest as if he regretted his decision to share his feelings but knew he couldn’t take it back. Castiel sat still for a moment, the sheet fallen around his waist, his face blank for lack of expression as he processed Dean’s words. It wasn’t until Dean shoved the sheet off of him and moved to get off the bed that Castiel surged forward and pressed his lips to Dean’s, surprising a soft gasp from his lips.

Dean sighed into the kiss, wrapping his arm around Castiel’s waist and pulling him forward, his tongue delving into the recesses of Castiel’s mouth, tasting warmth and morning breath and not giving a damn. Castiel’s thumbs traced his cheekbones before his fingers delved lighted into his hair and scratched at his scalp as he gave soft sighs and whimpers. Dean pulled back and could only stare at Castiel’s eyes, a little too wide, too blue, as he licked his lips and lightly traced his side, his touch reverent, soft. Castiel frowned and swept Dean’s bangs back from his forehead before pressing his own to it. “I need you too.”

Dean found himself huffing a soft laugh as he pressed another kiss to Castiel’s lips before pulling back, keeping his forehead pressed to Castiel’s. “Well, aren’t we just a pair.” Castiel gave a soft answering laugh and nodded. Silence overtook them once more though it was more comfortable than the last one, as Dean familiarized himself with Castiel’s skin once more, the dibs and plains of his chest, stomach, and hips. Castiel leaned into his touch and pressed back with inquiring fingers of his own. Dean broke the silence a moment later. “What now?” Castiel sighed and shook his head, his hair tickling Dean’s forehead and his hands falling limping to rest in his lap.

“I don’t know Dean.” He paused and licked his lips as he pulled back, frowning softly as Dean’s face fell. “We can’t, not so soon.”

“Is it because of Balthazar?” Dean asked, his brows drawing together in a frown. “Cause that guy’s an asshole Cas, he’s not fucking worth it. I mean where the hell is he?” He started to continue but Castiel cut him off, placing a hand softly over his mouth and shaking his head, holding Dean’s gaze firmly with his own. 

“Stop. Balthazar doesn’t deserve you words and I certainly do not deserve him. One thing you must understand is that while Balthazar and I have always had an open relationship, it is because I couldn’t commit fully to him.” He let his hand fall away and could only shrug his shoulders at Dean’s questioning glance. “While I do not wish to hurt Balthazar, it has become obvious that by staying with him, even after,” he trailed off, dropping his eyes as Dean slowly nodded.

“After the kiss.”

“Yes, even after that, I have been hurting him even more. I have given him hope where there was none due to my own selfish need to not be alone.” Castiel sighed and looked back up, meeting Dean’s soft gaze and seeing the sad droop of his shoulders and the corners of his mouth. “There is also Anna to consider and she loves you Dean. Of that there is no doubt in my mind or else she would have ended things once she had found out about our past.”

Dean nodded and found himself shrugging his shoulders helplessly, his own hands, which had been resting comfortably on the small cut of his hips, pulled hesitantly away to rest at his sides. “I can’t be with her, not now, not after all this. Not when I-” He frowned and shook his head as Castiel reached out and laced his fingers with Dean’s.

“I wasn’t suggesting that you do,” Castiel stated, his tone wry as one fine eyebrow raised towards his hairline and Dean found he couldn’t help but chuckle at the dry expression.

“But we still can’t.” Castiel nodded and Dean huffed, running his free hand through his hair as his other hand tightened against Castiel’s. “Fuck I should have just looked for you. I should have just manned up and fucking looked for you instead of pretending that that night didn’t mean shit.”

“I doubt it would have made a great difference. I wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship, no matter how amazing our chemistry. It would have ended quickly,” Castiel supplied bluntly. Dean frowned and leaned forward slightly, knocking his shoulder with Castiel’s.

“If that was your way of trying to make me feel better about being a complete idiot, it wasn’t very good.” Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes as he leaned in and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Dean’s lips. Dean eagerly pressed back, perfectly fine with the idea of putting the conversation to bed and moving on to better and happier things, like pushing Castiel back into the plush pillows and spending the morning tasting him instead of worrying about the aftermath, about Balthazar, about Anna. Castiel smiled against him but rested his hand on Dean’s chest and firmly press him away.

“Kissing me won’t make these problems disappear, Dean.” 

“They can for a few hours,” he replied as he pulled Castiel flush to his side and grinning when Castiel pressed back, his own hand coming to rest on Dean’s shoulder and hold rather than push away. “Besides, you were the one who kissed me.” Castiel nodded and leaned forward to press another feather light touch of lips to Dean’s. He didn’t resist when Dean’s tongue traced the seam of his lips or when Dean pressed him back into the bed, shifting over him and slotting their hips together in a slow roll. He curled his toes and traced Dean’s side with his fingertips and breathed in the warm scent of sweat and musk as their legs tangled and their thighs flexed.

Castiel was more than content to spend the next hour murmuring prayers and exaltations into Dean’s skin, to spending time pressing clothed mouthed blessings to the scrapes and bruises that blemished it, to rediscovering with flicks of tongue and nips of teeth what parts made Dean squirm and choke out soft moans and grunts into the hollows of his neck and shoulders. He was more than content to roll his hips up into the answering, growing hardness, the coarse, damp hairs, and the firm press of muscles and skin. He was more than content to swallow each curse, each plea, each breath that Dean exhaled into his skin, his mouth, and his lips. 

Even after the pleasant aftermath, the shockwave that brought them trembling together, slipping slick, and wet, and shaking, as fingers skittered across skin, and lips pressed breathlessly together, more as a sharing of air rather than the actual act of the sharing of tongue and taste, Castiel was more than content to spend another hour lying in the heat of Dean’s body, in the warmth of his come intermingled with Castiel’s own, wet and thick upon his stomach. Still sooner, rather than later, they would have to return to reality, to the conversation they had too readily put aside, to the people outside their small bubble of bliss and contentment that deserved their time and truths.

Castiel closed his eyes and hummed as Dean’s fingers threaded through his hair, pushing it back and his fingernails scratching lightly at his scalp. “We can’t,” he repeated after a moment of silence. He felt Dean sigh and pressed into his neck, his lips soft and moist against his skin.

“I know.” Castiel heaved a breath and turned onto his side, hooking a leg over Dean’s hip and pulling him closer as he trailed his fingers over the edge of Dean’s stubbled jaw. Dean’s grip settled on his hip and squeezed and Castiel was sure he would have bruises later that he would look at and smile fondly. And even though Castiel knew he faced certain hardship and heartache later on, even though he knew he couldn’t, shouldn’t, promise anything to Dean, he still found himself answering yes when Dean asked him ‘ _stay_ ’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're a little more than 2k away from hitting 50k and as I'm sure you've realized, we are quickly coming to an end. I'm hoping to stretch this out to an even 20 chapters but I honestly don't know. The three main things I have yet to resolve are Anna, Balthazar, and Dean/Cas. 
> 
> I'm super excited to be nearing the finishing line on this because it'll be the first time I've ever completed a story at this length. However at the same time I wanna try and drag it on for as long as I can! I have a lot of ideas for this verse and I'm sort of afraid that when I finish this, the side story will get dropped and forgotten about. (I really do want to explore Sam/Jess/Lucifer some more, especially Dean and Castiel's reaction to it.)
> 
> Oh man. So next chapter will deal with both Anna and Balthazar in relation to the aftermath and how they deal WILL affect both Dean and Castiel's outlook on everything. However right now as it stands, at least in my mind, both boys are more than happy and ready to be together. Here's to hoping I can keep it that way. See you guys thursday with an update to Sam's side story and then sunday with chapter 16!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd as usual! Enjoy!

Dean had lain there, stretched along the side of Castiel, his skin warm and wet with sweat for hours before Castiel received the text that had him tense and gently push Dean away. Instead of the intense stare that had become so familiar, his blue eyes were downcast as he pushed Dean’s clothes into his arms and murmured apologies. Within minutes, Dean was standing on the other side of the front door wondering what had went wrong, why Castiel was forcing him from the comfort and familiarity of his bed.

It became apparent when Dean made his way towards the stairs, shaky hand running through dirty, mussed hair, and Balthazar emerged from the stairwell, eyes blood shot and clothes wrinkled. It seemed like time froze and Dean stood tense, eyes wide, hands shoved into the pocket’s of his father’s leather jacket. Balthazar’s face fell before he shuttered the expression behind thin lips and a hard glare. He didn’t say a word, just shoved past Dean, knocking his shoulder hard before fumbling his keys out and throwing the door open with a bang.

Dean stood in the hallway long after the door had shut, listening to the loud yells of Balthazar and the soft, low hum of Castiel trying to placate him. Dean wondered for a moment if he should intervene, shove his way back into the apartment and make sure Castiel was okay but quickly realized in doing so he would only cause more trouble. So he scratched the stubble at his chin, cast the door one more look, and forced himself into the stairwell and down the stairs.

He heard from Castiel a few hours later, a short text reading _I’m sorry._ Dean had frozen, sitting on his old ratty couch clutching the flip phone in his hand as he resisted the urge to hurl it across the room before he managed to tap out of a reply asking why. Castiel’s response was prompt and short. _Balthazar left. Anna knows._

Within the hour Dean had made his way to Anna’s apartment only to find himself once more sitting in the impala, a box of this things in the passenger seat, officially broken up, and wondering why it didn’t hurt more. Why Anna’s tears and soft gasps hadn’t made him want to gather her up in his arms with promises and pleas to do better, to be better. Why instead her tears had just left him feeling slightly empty and more relieved.

He spent the rest of the day lying in his own bed wishing Castiel were beside him.

 

* * *

 

Even though they had agreed not to, Dean still found himself often drowning in the taste and touch of Castiel. Found himself pressing in close, slotted between strong thighs, wrapped in his delicate, long fingers, and swallowing his tea tinted breath. Not even a week had past and Dean found himself seeking Castiel out, in his apartment, now half empty and missing components that made Castiel look sad for moments before he reimmersed himself in the exploration of Dean. In his office where Dean would let Castiel bend him over his desk and fuck into him until Castiel was spent and gasping, pressed against his back and Dean was loose, sore, and sated, come gluing him to the desk as well as dribbling down between his thighs.

After each and every time, Castiel panting and placing small kisses and open mouth sucks to Dean’s skin, Dean’s fingers tracing patterns and trails into Castiel’s, Castiel would say, “We can’t. We shouldn’t.”

And Dean would hum and pull him closer or press to his side and cover his mouth with his own and whisper, “I know.”

 

* * *

 

“You have got to be kidding me.” Castiel froze, red pen stilling over the marked up paper before him, as he looked up to find Gabriel in the doorway of his office, arms crossed over his chest and eyes narrowed in a mock glare. Castiel forced his shoulders to relax and he placed the pen down neatly, leaning back in his chair as he motioned for Gabriel to take a seat on the other side of his desk. “Don’t get all Hannibal Lector on me, bro,” Gabriel snarked, causing Castiel to frown and cock his head to the side in confusion as Gabriel huffed and shook his head. “The calm and collected act, doesn’t work.” He plopped down into one of the chairs and propped his feet up on the desk, mud caked to the underside of his boots.

“I’m afraid you’ve lost me once again,” Castiel frowned as he leaned over and pushed Gabriel’s feet off the cluttered desk, listening to them hit the floor with a loud thump as he brushed off the bits of dirt that had been left behind.

“What the hell are you doing here? It’s Saturday! Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, trying to mend your relationship with our sister?” Castiel’s frown deepened but he didn’t comment and Gabriel threw his hands up in exasperation. “You should at least be at home fucking the reason you’re not talking to her!”

“Gabriel!” Gabriel flinched slightly at Castiel’s voice and held his hands up in surrender, mumbling apologies under his breath as he shifted in his seat, no longer comfortable within its confines. Castiel sighed heavily before asking, “Why are you even here, Gabriel?”

“You haven’t been answering my calls, Cassie,” Gabriel replied softly as he leaned forward in his seat, hazel eyes tracking Castiel’s movements as he began shuffling papers and organizing the files that littered his desk. “From what I’ve heard, you haven’t been answering any ones calls. Michael is getting worried.” Castiel scoffed and rolled his eyes as he pushed back from his seat and shoved files half hazard-ly in one of the multiple filing cabinets behind him. “I’m worried as well.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“Well I am!” Gabriel huffed and pushed his hair back from his face before he stood up and put himself in Castiel’s line of sight, making sure he had his brother’s attention. “You broke up with Balthazar and kicked him out in the same day-“

“I did not kick him out, he chose to leave,” Castiel interrupted, his lips thinning into a straight line. Gabriel rolled his eyes and continued on.

“You and Anna are determined to relive the hell that was a year ago by not talking to each other.” Castiel didn’t try to interrupt but his eyes did narrow in warning, daring Gabriel to continue. “And my guess is that instead of just being with the guy you’ve turned your life upside down for, you’re attempting to punish yourself by shutting yourself up in your office, avoiding contact with everyone who actually gives a shit about you which includes me, by the way.”

Silence filled the room though not because Castiel had a lack for words. His face, which had been an expression of danger and warning when Gabriel had started, had slowly fettered to one of complete calm, the creases of his brow and the frown lines at the corners of his mouth smoothing over as he breathed slowly and steadily lowered himself back into his chair, turning away from his older brother who groaned and looked up to the ceiling as if to plead with God.

“We all get it, Castiel. The situation is one great big pile of shit but this whole punishment thing you’re doing isn’t doing you or anyone else any favors. Answer your god damned phone when we call,” Gabriel raged, his voice carrying down the hall and drawing the attention of the few other staff members who had come in for the day to get some last minute work done. He took a deep breath and brushed at his shirt as if to brush away any remaining anger before he looked back at Castiel whose gaze had fallen once more to his desk. He sighed and leaned his hip against the desk, reaching out and grasping his brother’s shoulder. “Everything’s going to be okay. Anna will come around eventually.”

“Not with Dean around, he’ll be a constant reminder of my betrayal.” Gabriel rolled his eyes as he huffed a soft laugh.

“That wasn’t betrayal, baby brother. You fell in love and we unfortunately do not get to pick the people we fall in love with.” Castiel sighed and leaned into his brother’s touch, nodding. “I don’t suppose I could convince you to join me for dinner? There’s this whole in the wall bar that Lucifer has been going on about which apparently has some of the best pie this side of the Mississippi river.” Castiel shook his head and Gabriel gave a soft smile, shrugging his shoulders as if saying, ‘what can you do’ before he pushed himself off the desk and made his way towards the door, throwing a wave over his shoulder.

Castiel returned to his task, determined to finish grading the paper he had been working on. He was surprised to hear Gabriel’s voice filter down the hallway once more and even more surprised by what he said. He quickly stood up, his chair knocking into the bookshelves behind him as he made his way to the door to find his brother staring upwards with a wide grin on his face, looking for all the world like he just found the golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Dean stood stock still, his green eyes almost comically wide as they darted between the short man and Castiel who stood at the entrance to his office.

“Making the first move? I didn’t think you had it in you,” Gabriel said, nudging Dean harshly in the ribs before looking back at Castiel who leaned up against the archway, arms crossed over his chest and eyes assessing. Dean’s brow furrowed in confusion and he looked towards Castiel for clarification. When none came, he turned his attention to Gabriel and shrugged his shoulders. 

“Yeah, sure.” Gabriel’s grin widened and he slapped Dean on the shoulder, making the taller man jostle with the force of it, grimacing and rubbing at the abused appendage.

“Great! See if you can convince him to stop being a phenomenal pain in my ass.” Dean’s eyebrows receded to his hairline and it was obvious that he was trying to hide the smile that broke out across his face at the statement. Castiel’s frown deepening only made Dean smile wider. “You fucker,” Gabriel crowed as he took in Dean’s expression, the way his eyes crinkled in mirth as he starred at Castiel and he slapped Dean once more, shocking a small yelp out of him.

“What the hell was that for?” Dean gripped, rubbing at his arm and glaring down at the smaller man who only rolled his eyes and turned his attention towards Castiel once more.

“You’re not allowed to be a little shit head anymore. Not if you’re getting boned regularly by this asshole,” Gabriel said, jerking a thumb towards Dean whose eyes had once again gone comically wide. Castiel sighed and nodded, giving a small wave goodbye once Gabriel turned around and made his way out of the liberal arts building.

Dean frowned, casting glances at Gabriel’s retreating figure as he closed the distance between them, still rubbing absently at his arm. “What was all that about?” he asked and Castiel reached out, shaking his head and drawing him into the privacy of his office, shutting the door behind them. He pressed in close, nose brushing along Dean’s, fingers skimming along Dean’s side, under his jacket, as he hummed and breathed in his scent. Dean chuckled and closed the short distance, pressing his lips to Castiel’s in a soft kiss. He grinned when Castiel’s fingers skittered across his ribs before fumbling under his shirt to get at skin. “Am I supposed to bone you now?” he asked, pulling back slightly as he raised an eyebrow in question. 

“That would be satisfactory.”

“Just satisfactory?” Dean grinned. He shed himself of his jacket, letting it fall to the floor before gripping Castiel by his hips and guiding him towards the leather couch against the wall. Castiel smiled and nodded, one hand at the back of Dean’s neck to pull him in for another kiss as they sunk down onto the leather cushions, Dean slotting himself between Castiel’s thighs and pressing him back into the arm rest. “Guess I’ve got my work cut out for me,” he quipped, his lips trailing over Castiel’s jaw and down his neck, licking into the hollow of his clavicle.

Castiel arched up into his touch, rolling his hips upwards as Dean settled close, the hard length of his cock already identifiable in the confines of his jeans. Dean groaned and pressed forwards, forcing Castiel’s hips to lift off of the cushions as his fingers pressed bruises into Castiel’s sides. Castiel bit his lip and reached down, his hands making quick work of Dean’s belt and pants. Dean followed suit, pressing open-mouthed sucks to his neck as his own hands worked the fastening of Castiel’s trousers, tugging them down his hips to get at fine, pale, skin.

“Is this okay?” Dean asked softly as he mouthed at the juncture of Castiel’s neck and shoulder, Castiel’s bare-thread shirt pulled out and worn. Castiel nodded, a whine caught at the back of his throat as his hands worked with Dean’s to rid himself of his pants. Dean chuckled and pushed the shirt up over Castiel’s chest once his hands were free, taking the time to explore the new expanse of skin with his hands, lips, tongue, and teeth.

Castiel writhed beneath him, breathy moans and gasps filling the space above them as his hands pulled and tugged at Dean’s clothes, pushing the flannel over shirt off his shoulders. His fingers mapped out his freckles, tripping over his spine and gripping hard when Dean’s cleaver fingers ghosted over his cock. “Dean.”

“Cas,” Dean replied, smugness spreading his smile wide as he pulled back, propping himself up on his elbow as his hand wrapped firmly around Castiel and pumped. Castiel groaned and bucked up into the tight heat of Dean’s fist, a slow whine following shortly after at the dry scrape of skin against skin. Castiel’s hands pushed at Dean’s chest and gripped at his shirt alternatively as he rolled his hips upwards into Dean’s touch, pre-come slowly smoothing the way for each pull and push.

He could feel Dean’s erection press insistent and firm against him; feel the rough fabric of his jeans against the back of his thighs and the swell of his ass. He pushed back into it, thrusting his hips forwards and back as he licked at his dry lips and starred up at Dean who met his gaze easily, readily. Dean grinned and thrusted his hips forwards, letting the harsh fabric of his jeans press and rub against Castiel who moaned loudly, his blue eyes slipping shut for just a moment as he bit his lip, his cheeks flushing red. “Shhh, don’t want anyone to hear you,” Dean chuckled, groaning when Castiel pressed back insistently as if to fuck himself on Dean’s cock through the fabric of his jeans. 

“Fuck you,” Castiel gasped, one hand gripping at Dean’s shoulder, pulling him closer as the other grasped at his shirt, fisting it in his palm. He wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist and pulled him in.

“Later,” Dean gasped, pressing his forehead to Castiel’s, tipping his head to lick and suck Castiel’s bottom lip into his mouth, nipping lightly as Castiel’s breath hitched in his throat, his cock pulsing hard and wet in Dean’s grasp. “Cas,” Dean groaned. Castiel keened, arching up off the couch and pressed up against Dean’s chest, his head thrown back as his mouth opened wide, gasping for breath as Dean tightened his fist and pistoned his hips forward. He came a moment later, spurting hot and wet along his chest as Dean pressed forward, his lips capturing Castiel’s shout in a kiss that muffled his cry as Dean worked him through completion.

Dean sat back, his own arousal forgotten in favor of watching Castiel’s chest, flushed red and coated with his come, heave with each new breath, his eyes shut and his tongue darting out to lick dry lips. He shifted, pressing the heel of his palm to his dick as Castiel melted into the couch, thighs trembling slightly where the fell, one leg hanging off the couch as he ran his hands through his already disheveled hair. Castiel grinned when he caught Dean’s smug smile and appreciative gaze. He stretched and pressed into Dean, his cock soft and wet against his thigh before reaching forward to unfasten Dean’s pants and slip his hand in to grip and hold.

“There’s lube in the lower left drawer. If you get it you can fuck me.” Dean groaned low and nodded, leaning forward to press his lips to Castiel’s. Castiel smiled into the kiss and licked into Dean’s mouth. Neither noticed the knock at the door as Dean settled into Castiel’s space, chests pressed together and Castiel’s legs hugging tight against his hips as his hands tangled in Dean’s hair. They didn’t notice the creak of the door until a cultured british voice, deeper and more rough than Balthazar’s, filtered through the space.

“Well, isn’t this a pleasant surprise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is it at the door? Oh man guys I have somehow managed to find a way to take this just a bit longer and it totally has to do with the ending! Ahah! (Prize to the first person who can guess correctly who the mystery dude is- I don't know what it'll be but I'm sure I can come up with something)
> 
> So I've hit 50k finally and I have to say thank you to everyone who has stuck by this. I know there are parts that come off weird (like this chapter with the angst and then hey!porn!), unfinished, and unpolished (something I hope to rectify once I finally finish this beast) but still you guys come and read and leave sweet comments and give me kudos. I am very very thankful. :)
> 
> Seriously, thank you. 
> 
> In other news the next update will come THURSDAY 5/23 since friday I'm leaving for OC (yay vacay!) and I won't be back till the first. I'm not sure if I'll have internet access or not so yeah. See you all then!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I have an update for you all! It's not beta'd so any and all mistakes are my own. One day I'll revise, etc. Please enjoy! :)

Dean muttered a curse as his head dropped to Castiel’s shoulder, his fingers gripping tight to the armrest that pillowed Castiel’s head and his hips encased firmly between Castiel’s strong thighs. Castiel in turn squirmed underneath him as his hands pushed and pulled at Dean’s shoulders, as if unsure whether he should shove Dean off of him to address the new comer or pull him closer. Dean preferred the latter and growled unhappily when he felt Castiel stiffen under him as the stranger entered the room and settled in one of the chairs facing Castiel’s desk and said, “Oh, please, don’t mind me.”

Dean frowned and shot a glare towards the man who contented himself with rearranging the office supplies on Castiel’s desk as Castiel’s fingers dug into Dean’s shoulders and his still swollen lips thinned into a straight line as he starred at the back of the man’s head. Castiel didn’t move though his gaze pierced the back of the man’s head and Dean wondered briefly if perhaps Castiel thought he could make him disappear by just a look. The man swiveled around and grinned slowly, dark eyes narrowing as he met Castiel’s glare. “I’m sorry, would you like to finish him off then? I can wait.”

Castiel opened his mouth but Dean barked a reply before he could, angling his body to block Castiel’s nudity. “How about you turn the fuck around or better yet get out? What kind of asshole just strolls right in after realizing what the hell he was walking in on?” Castiel’s gaze shot back to Dean and he shook his head minutely but Dean didn’t notice, too engrossed in glaring at the man who raised an eyebrow, obviously unimpressed.

“Really? What kind of idiot doesn’t have the foresight to lock the bloody door before engaging in carnal acts?” Dean opened his mouth to retort but the man cut him off as he turned his attention towards Castiel and asked, “Really? I thought you had better taste than this, Castiel.” Dean’s eyes widened and he turned back towards Castiel, brows pulling together in confusion as his frown deepened.

“You know this guy?” he asked and Castiel sighed, covering his face with his hand as he nodded, curling in on himself. Dean nodded and then jerked his head towards the man who had pulled out his phone, apparently bored with Dean and Castiel. “Who is he?”

“The name’s Crowley,” the man answered, not looking up from his phone. Dean froze and slowly turned his gaze to the man once more, taking in the short thin hair, the fine tailored suit, the unimpressed, almost vacant expression and snorted. Crowley’s head slowly rose and his eyes narrowed on Dean. “Something funny?” Dean shook his head and reached for his flannel, turning his attention back towards Castiel as he slowly wiped at the drying come that coated his stomach. Castiel’s stomach jumped and his eyes startled back to Dean, the gentle sweep of his hand and shirt, the clouded eyes and frown that turned down the corners of his lips and Castiel softly placed his hand over Dean’s and gave a gentle squeeze. Crowley gagged loudly and turned back around in his chair.

Once Castiel’s chest and stomach were cleaned, Dean tossed the over shirt to the floor and sat back on his knees, his warm hands sweeping over the skin of Castiel’s hips whose hips twitched and breath hitched and Dean couldn’t stop the small quirk of a smile at the thought that while they might have been interrupted by the one man Dean _knew_ Castiel never wanted to see, he still wanted Dean. Dean’s eyes flickered up to Castiel’s, noting the pupils blown wide and the flush that had returned to paint his cheeks, neck, and chest a pretty pink.

Castiel shook his head and pulled his worn shirt down, covering the flush and slapping lightly at Dean’s hands when he moved to grab his pants from the floor. Dean chuckled softly and helped Castiel slip on his boxer briefs, his thumbs pressing lightly into Castiel’s hipbones before passing over his pants. He sat back, watching as Castiel shimmied and huffed, his lower lip caught between his teeth and his lids lowered, his graceful fingers quickly fastening his trousers before he pushed himself up and swung his legs from around Dean’s hips and settled his feet on the floor.

He pushed himself up, a slow sweet roll that lifted his shirt to show off the pale stretch of skin along his lower back that had Dean pressing the heel of his palm to his crotch as he watched. Castiel frowned when he noticed Dean’s glazed eyes and he reached down, softly pushing Dean’s hands away to tuck him back into his pants and zippered them up, pressing his lips to the corner of Dean’s mouth before sliding away.

Dean watched as Castiel straightened up, his face falling into a smooth, blank, slate as he made his way around his desk and seated himself opposite of Crowley, his hands folded primly atop the dark wood, his gaze narrowed and his brows lifted. “Bout bloody time, I was starting to think you were going to take up my suggestion,” Crowley groused, casting an unimpressed glance over his shoulder at Dean before turning once more towards Castiel.

“What is it you want?” Castiel asked softly, his eyes flickering a warning as Dean’s fingers dug into the leather of the couch as if to leverage himself up off of it. Dean stilled but sat back, his lips downturned and his eyes avoiding Castiel’s questioning gaze. Crowley ignored Castiel’s glances and shrugged his shoulders.

“Am I not allowed to drop in, see how my favorite partner is?” Dean’s head snapped forward and his glare hardened as Castiel’s lips thinned and he shook his head.

“No, you’re not,” Castiel replied and Crowley heaved a put upon sigh. Dean pushed himself up off the couch and slowly made his way around the room to lean against the bookshelves behind Castiel as Crowley watched him, following his every move.

“I had hoped that time would have softened any animosity you had towards me but I see that I was mistaken.” Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes; not at all quelled by the glare that Crowley shot him. “Really? This is what you replace me with?” Crowley growled.

“He’s a much better man than you ever were,” Castiel replied softly and Dean startled, surprised. He wondered briefly how Castiel could think such a thing, especially given their history, the weeks of Dean bouncing between siblings, unsure and putting both through unnecessary heartache due to his own selfishness. Given everything he knew about Crowley, Dean was sure he was the worse man between the two and yet...

Castiel pushed himself up from his seat and crossed the office, opening the door and standing next to it, he cold blue gaze settling firmly on Crowley. “Now, if you’ll please.” Crowley grunted but stood up, straightening out his suit jack and brushing off imaginary dust before he slowly made his way towards the door, pausing just a foot short of Castiel before stepping into his space with a sly grin.

“I guess I should ring up your sister, then. See if she’ll be a bit more open.” Dean pushed himself from the bookshelf, ready to throw the man bodily from the room but Castiel had snatched him by the lapels of his tailored jacket and shoved him up against the door jam and Dean winced at the sound of Crowley’s head cracking against the wood.

“You go within even ten feet of her,” Castiel growled, pressed close and fingers clenched around the expensive fabric as his blue eyes narrowed into dark slits, absolutely dangerous. “I will make so you wish you never stepped foot in this state again, let alone this city.” Crowley blanched but quickly hid his discomfort once Castiel stepped back. He straightened his jacket and nodded once at Dean before meeting Castiel’s gaze once again. He stared only for a moment before he slunk out of the room and down the hall.

Dean slowly made his way over as Castiel shut the door, pressing his back against it and clicking the lock into place. He reached out, long arms and fingers ready to pull and embrace Dean as he pressed close, nudging his nose along Castiel’s jaw, feeling the scrape of his stubble as he pressed kisses into each sigh Castiel gave. Castiel’s hands pulled Dean close, his thigh pressing firm against Dean’s crotch as he met Dean’s lips in kisses and sucks of tongue.

“I think I owe you,” Castiel murmured, eyes dark and pupils blown as Dean inhaled deeply through his nose and wrapped his hands around Castiel’s hips, pulling him flush against him.

“Are you sure? We don’t have to, not after-“

“Dean,” Castiel groaned, cutting him off with a shake of his head, his fingers tripping through Dean’s hair, frantic in their movement. Dean sighed and nodded, pressing forward once more to capture Castiel’s lips in another kiss. Dean pulled back slightly, slowing the tempo of the kiss to soft flecks of tongue and nips of teeth, as his arms wrapped lightly around Castiel’s waist, pulling him away from the hard wood of the door.

Castiel pressed forward, his hands pulling at Dean’s shirt, the button of his jeans as soft huffs and whines fell from his lips, frustrated with the slow touches, the soft whispers of tongue and teeth that Dean employed. Dean grinned and ran his hand up under the worn t-shirt, his fingers skipping over the knobs of Castiel’s spine, palming the warm skin as his other hand cupped Castiel’s jaw and guided him in slow presses of spit slicked mouths. Castiel growled and crowded close, forcing Dean to stumble backwards towards the couch once more.

Dean grunted when he landed, his hands clasped once more on Castiel’s hip as the other man straddled him, grinding down in a delicious rub that had Dean groaning and thrusting his own hips upwards though he tried not to, tried to keep what was happening slow and sweet. Castiel had other things in mind and he swiped his tongue into Dean’s willing mouth, pulling low moans from him with each twist of his hips.

“Cas, wait,” Dean gasped, his fingers pressing bruises into the skin of Castiel’s hips as he tried to stall the motion, his head bowing forward, nose pressed to the column of Castiel’s neck. “Please.” Castiel sighed and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp as he rocked lightly in Dean’s grip.

“What is it?” Dean sighed and wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist once more, pulling him close and halting the rocking of his hips as he pressed soft kisses to his neck and collar. “Dean,” Castiel called softly and Dean found he could only hold him a bit tighter and press his face to Castiel’s chest and murmur into the soft fabric of his grey T. Castiel bit his lip and gently cupped Dean’s jaw in his hands, pulling away slowly and tipping the other man’s head upwards to meet his gaze.

“We don’t have to,” Dean whispered after a moment of silence, of Castiel’s thumb sweeping softly across the stubble of his jaw, of his eyes blown wide and open. Castiel frowned and tilted his head to the side and Dean found himself fidgeting underneath of him, still rock hard and warm and ready but ultimately holding back. “Whatever we are doesn’t just have to be this, Cas,” Dean murmured and Castiel slouched into Dean’s touch, into the strong hands splayed across his back, holding him up as he closed his eyes and realized what Dean was trying to say, what he was trying to ask.

The soft click of his throat as he swallowed was easy to hear, caught in the silence between of his ragged breaths as he starred. Assurances weren’t something Castiel could so easily give, the promise that eventually they could become something more than not-so-secret lovers that met in the in-between hours where they could disappear without anyone noticing. Assurances Dean was oh so ready to give, assurances that he pressed into Castiel’s skin with each touch, each press, each kiss. Castiel shook his head and opened his eyes only to watch as Dean’s face fell before he shuttered his expression quickly, jaw locking tight and his eyes hard as he jerked a nod.

“Dean,” Castiel began but Dean cut him off with a shake of his head, his hands falling away from his back to clench at the leather cushions of the couch.

“It’s cool. I get it,” he bit out, eyes darting around the room before finally resting on Castiel’s chest, lips pursed in a straight line as he nodded, as if telling himself that everything was okay, that Castiel hadn’t just shattered any hopes Dean had had for them and their relationship. Castiel sighed and shook his head, his thumb rubbing warmth into Dean jaw as he tipped his head upwards, forcing Dean’s gaze back to his before leaning down and taking Dean’s lower lip between his in a soft kiss.

“Not yet, Dean.” Dean sighed and nodded; his forehead pressed to Castiel’s, his hands once again encircling Castiel’s waists. His hands were hesitant but warm as they traveled up and down his back, over and under the shirt and Castiel couldn’t help but sigh against Dean’s lips. He pressed more kisses and rocked forward, closer, his own hands trailing over the warmth of Dean’s jaw, neck, and shoulders. “But soon,” he murmured against Dean’s sweet taste and he felt Dean’s answering smile as his arms tightened around him once more.

 

* * *

 

Dean raised an eyebrow at the group gathered in the corner booth of the Roadhouse and wondered what exactly he had walked into when he agreed to Sam’s text. While it had become normal for Sam to be bracketed by Jess and Lucifer but the addition of Gabriel in the booth along with Jo and Ash had Dean freezing in the doorway, only moving when someone shoved past him to the bar.

He grunted and hunched his shoulders forward as he made his way over and found himself sliding in next to the short man who grinned cheerfully and slurped at his frosty alcoholic beverage with glee. Lucifer grinned easily, his arm thrown across the back of the booth as Jess smiled in greeting and Sam sipped at his beer. Ash gave Dean a salute from behind the screen of his laptop, more interested in whatever he was working on and Jo slid Dean a frothy beer of his own.

He slowly took a sip and noted everyone’s stares, their slow smiles and he sighed, gently putting down his mug before crossing his arms over his chest and shrugging and asking “so?”

“Congrats on the ass man,” Ash piped up from behind the screen and Sam sputtered his drink across the table as Jess patted his back while the rest of the group burst out in varying levels of guffaws. Dean rolled his eyes and turned towards Gabriel, an eyebrow raised.

“What? It was time to just open that door Dean-o and let everyone in.” Dean sighed and shook his head but didn’t reply, rubbing his jaw with the palm of his hand before taking another sip of his beer. “Hey,” Gabriel began as he leaned forward, head turned towards Dean to get a better look at him. “I know you just came from seeing him, you should be post-coital blissed out, not this,” he said, gesturing to up and down to the man seated next to him.

Dean groaned and shook his head but otherwise didn’t reply and Gabriel’s frowned deepened as he puffed up next to him. “I swear Winchester, if you hurt him-“

“Hold on there Gabe,” Lucifer interrupted, reaching across the table to placate him and keep him from possibly starting something he wouldn’t be able to finish. “I think Castiel is the one causing the problems here.”

“Damn it!” Gabriel cursed, pounding a fist on the table. “I thought I talked that idiot out of blaming himself!” Dean frowned and concentrated his gaze on the table top, pointedly ignoring Sam’s concerned glances as Lucifer sighed heavily and shrugged his shoulders.

“You know how Cassie is. He’s going to try and punish himself until he thinks he’s sufficiently paid for whatever slight he believes he’s committed.”

“Well he’s an idiot,” Gabriel grouched, giving Dean a sympathetic clap on the shoulder. “I’ll keep working on him but he might stay like this till he and Anna patch things up.”

“Which from the sound of things is going to take a while,” Jo commented, a perfectly shaped eyebrow quirked upwards as she clinked her glass with Dean’s. “Good job with that one, Dean.”

“Shut it, Jo.” Jo held her hands up in surrender at Dean’s bark but her smile kept in place as she sipped at her drink. Lucifer sat chuckling across the table and Dean debated just getting up and leaving, Sam and his puppy eyed stare be damned. He sighed and traced random shapes into the frost on the glass of his mug before saying, “can we change the subject?”

“Sure thing, kiddo!” Gabriel chirped, his hand clapping Dean’s shoulder once more before he turned his attention towards Jo, a lascivious grin spreading his smile wide. “So, you were talking about hunting?” he asked, putting an elbow up on the table and propping his chin on his hand. Jo choked back a laugh and thumped her chest, shaking her head as she tried to safely the swallow the beer she had imbibed prior to Gabriel’s question. Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“In all serious Dean, you don’t need to worry,” Lucifer said softly, eyes trailing slowly towards the door as a sly smile quirked his lips upwards. “Castiel will come around soon.”

“I know,” Dean said, frowning as he followed his gaze only to find Castiel shrugging his tan trench coat off his shoulders in the doorway of the bar. Dean froze, palm going cold as he gripped his mug, his mouth opening and closing as Castiel looked around the bar and finally spotted him and his brothers in the corner booth. Dean frowned and shot Lucifer a confused stare who only jerked his head once towards Castiel before turning his attention towards Sam and Jess.

Dean pushed himself up from the booth slowly and met Castiel just short of it, his hands clenched at his sides as Castiel walked over, trench coat draped neatly over his forearm. “Dean,” he began, his voice low gravel, perfected by the groans he had emitted only a short few hours earlier curled under Dean in the safety of his office, Crowley’s surprise appearance forgotten. “You’re hanging out with my brothers?” he asked, head tilted just slightly to the side, brows creased in confusion and a small frown tugging on his lips.

Dean shrugged his and gestured over his shoulder, pointing a thumb at the general vicinity of Sam. “My brother’s here too,” Dean began, coughing slightly at the nothing stuck in his throat. He gave a small grin and took a step closer. “I didn’t know your brothers were here originally. Sam just asked me to meet him here.” Castiel nodded and a small smile quirked the corners of his lips.

“Lucifer asked me to meet him here as well.” Castiel stepped forward, closing the distance and reaching out, his fingertips grazing across one of Dean’s fists. “Shall we join them?” Dean grinned and nodded, slipping his hand to Castiel’s lower back to guide him the short distance.

He watched as Gabriel slid closer to Jo, forcing her to squeeze next to Ash and his bulky behemoth of a laptop as Castiel slid into the booth, handing his trench over for Dean to hang on the peg attached to the booth. Dean slid in next to him, his arm resting across the back of the bench, his fingers playing with the small hairs at the nape of Castiel’s neck as he was introduced to the few members of the group he didn’t know.

Though Lucifer sipped smugly at his drink and Sam cast him wide, pleased grins, no one said a damn thing about their relationship and Dean found himself enjoying Castiel’s company within the confines of those he called family, with the exception of Lucifer and Gabriel, for the first time. He felt his own smile widen whenever Castiel laughed or enthusiastically partook in the multiple conversations going about the booth. He puffed with pride at being able to introduce Castiel to Ellen who dropped by with fresh drinks and a slice of pie that he grudgingly, though not really, shared with Castiel.

It wasn’t until Dean was forced to slip out of the booth due to Gabriel’s small bladder that he noticed the warm hand on his thigh or the soft coy smile Castiel gave him when he helped him out of the booth. He grinned in return and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Castiel’s lips as Gabriel tripped from the booth and barreled towards the bathroom door. When Castiel blushed softly and nudged his shoulder before sliding smoothly back into the booth, Dean figured Lucifer had been right.

Not that he’d ever tell the smug bastard it but Dean figured he could wait for a bit more. If he was honest, he figured he could wait forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not quite the end but it is coming soon. Next chapter might not end on such a happy note as I still have Anna to resolve and now the added bonus of Crowley being present and available to wreak havoc. I also feel like I need to give Balthazar a better ending so don't think he's gone just yet.
> 
> As for the prize that I owe everyone because everyone guessed correctly (man I'm not as sneaky as I thought) I'm not sure what to do. I could give you art or a ficlet so cast your vote guys! And I will try to have the next chapter up on time though I think I might change the update days to wednesday after the next update. What do you guys think?
> 
> Ah! I'll see you all on sunday (hopefully!)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Do you guys want art or a ficlet for your prize? LET ME KNOW! :)
> 
> Unbeta'd as usual. Will edit when finished (which is soon!).

To say that the day had been a rollercoaster of ups and downs would have been exaggeration if Castiel had been asked. That is until he opened the door of his apartment, Dean close behind, his hands firm at his hips and his lips pressing soft kisses between chuckles at the back of his neck, and found his eldest brother lounging on his couch, looking as if he had been waiting a good while. Castiel stilled, face falling carefully blank as Dean bumped into him and sputtered in confusion, Castiel’s name falling from his lips. He didn’t notice Michael until the older man dropped the book he had been reading to occupy himself as he waited on the coffee table, the book hitting it with a loud thump that had both Dean and Castiel flinching where they stood.

“Castiel,” Michael greeted, his expression stony and his voice cold. Castiel nodded and slowly made his way into the apartment, dropping his keys onto the sideboard and waiting patiently as Dean slowly, cautiously, made his way in behind him. Castiel frowned slightly when Dean pressed closer to his side though he made no move to put distance between them though Michael’s narrowed stare commanded it of him. He instead closed the door softly and reached for Dean’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. He couldn’t help but be pleased when Dean returned it with one of his own.

“Well,” Michael growled, clapping his hands together once, the harsh compression echoing through the open space. “I suppose that answers a few questions of mine.” Castiel frowned and tilted his head to the side.

“You came to my home uninvited and without notice because you had questions?” Castiel asked, ignoring the way Dean tensed slightly behind him as Michael took a step forward, his frown deepening and his brows furrowed in either anger or exasperation.

“You haven’t been answering my calls, Castiel. I was worried.” Castiel huffed and fought the impulse to roll his eyes.

“We have gone weeks without talking before, with you sending Gabriel or Anna to check up on me. It’s never warranted your presence before,” Castiel replied. He could feel Dean tense next to him and for a second time he found himself resisting the urge to look at him, to instead keep his eyes glued on his older brother in some twisted eye-starring contest.

“I decided my presence was needed when I learned that not only had Anna ended relations with Mr. Winchester there, but that it had happened because he was having an affair with you,” Michael said softly, his green eyes cold and harsh, and his gait anything but pleasant or loving. Castiel froze, his own gaze widening slightly and his lips thinning as he met his older brother’s hard stare. “I had come here to find out if it was true, if you had fallen so low as to purposely hurt your own family. I am very disappointed to see that it was true.” Castiel didn’t reply but Dean was quick to burst forth, to situate himself between the brothers and meet Michael’s ire with his own.

“Now wait a damn minute! That’s not what happened at all. Cas would never hurt anyone like that!” Castiel reached forward, his grip tight on Dean’s arm, and tried to pull him back, away from Michael but Dean wouldn’t budge. Michael sneered, his nose turned upwards, his body tensed, waiting for Dean to give him a reason to snap and Castiel tried once more to pull Dean away. “It wasn’t his fault, if anything it’s mine.”

“Obviously,” Michael replied, his eyes flickering back and forth. “However Castiel has always had faults when it comes to men. You are just another in a long line of them that Castiel seems to love to fall in with.” His gaze once more settled on Castiel who froze, his touch falling away from Dean as he lowered his gaze to the ground, subordinate.

“Michael,” Castiel said softly, a grimace contorting his face as Michael maneuvered around Dean and rested a heavy hand on Castiel’s shoulder. He bent down, forcing Castiel to meet his gaze, his grip hard and Castiel found he could only squeeze his eyes shut in an attempt to escape Michael’s gaze.

“Smaller men, petty men would have done what you have, Castiel. I raised you better than that. I understand that what had happened last year was hard for you but to take vengeance in such a way-“

“It wasn’t vengeance!” Dean scoffed loudly. Michel rounded on him, pointing finger menacingly at him and Dean found himself backing away though he didn’t want to, abhorred the thought of leaving Castiel alone, even though he had only moved a small distance from him.

“Stay out of this! You have caused enough mayhem in my family. If you cared at all for either of them, you’d leave and never come back.” Dean floundered and he looked towards Castiel for assurance, for some sign to let him know it was okay to stay, that he was wanted, maybe even needed. Castiel frowned and stilled under Michael’s gaze before slowly rolling his shoulder out from under his touch and reaching for Dean, sighing when Dean’s fingers entwined with his. Michael sighed, his entire demeanor changing as he rubbed at his eyes before taking in the joint front Castiel and Dean presented. “So what Gabriel was telling me is true? You actually have some how managed to fall in love with your sister’s boyfriend? All within the span of a month?”

Castiel bit his lip and shook his head, nudging closer to Dean as he looked up at his brother. “Not quite. Dean and I knew each other before.” Michael frowned and looked towards Dean who nodded in confirmation. Castiel knew when it clicked as Michael’s green eyes widened and his lips formed a small ‘o’ before he pursed his lips, nodding. “I never meant to hurt, Anna. I swear Michael, it was never my intention.”

Michael sighed heavily and nodded. “That may be true, Castiel but you still did. And I’m afraid she will not be as forgiving as you were.” Dean frowned and shot Castiel a glance, unsurprised to see that his expression matched his own.

“Has something happened?” Castiel asked, his fingers clenching around Dean’s. Michael nodded, his expression hardening once more and Castiel could feel the weight of it, the guilt, settle on his shoulders.

“According to an associate of mine, she has been seen with,” he paused, his lips curling into a disgusted sneer worse than the one he had given Dean only a few moments earlier. “Crowley.” Castiel flinched, his jaw tightening and his eyes squeezed shut as his brows furrowed and Dean untangled their hands to wrap his arm around Castiel’s waist and pull him close, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. Castiel stilled and thought for a moment to shrug the gesture off but relaxed into Dean’s embrace instead and nodded slowly.

“I told him to stay away from her,” Castiel grit out, meeting Michael’s gaze once more. Michael sighed and shrugged his shoulders, the motion looking unnatural and almost practiced on him.

“I suppose it’s possible she sought him out if she found out he was in town.” Castiel nodded, clenching his jaw once more, a muscle twitching in his cheek.

“To get back at me,” Castiel supplied and Michael frowned as Dean shook his head, pulling away slightly to get a better look at Castiel.

“She wouldn’t do that. She’s angry, yeah, and she’s hurt, and she’s got every right to be but Anna wouldn’t do that. She doesn’t have that in her. She’s not _mean._ ” Michael chuckled darkly and turned his now wary gaze to Dean.

“You didn’t know Anna before. She’s very capable of it.”

Dean frowned and looked once more at Castiel who sighed and nodded, his gaze avoidant, pointed towards the floor. He could feel Dean fidget next to him, unable to connect the Anna he knew with the one Michael and Castiel knew well. He remembered easily the rebellion that had lasted well into her late twenties and early thirties. The nights spent not knowing where she was, if she was passed out in some bar bathroom or a random strangers apartment. The frequent calls for money or the random drop bys with a new man drunk on her arms. She hated Michael and his overbearing nature and she hated Castiel for how easily he bent to Michael’s will.

Michael frowned and shrugged his shoulders once more, the act looking more natural as he turned towards the door. “I suppose I’ll leave you now. I know I don’t need to say how much I disapprove of this, especially so soon after both of your mutual break-ups-“

“Michael,” Castiel interrupted, softly and tired. Michael turned back and narrowed his eyes once more as he looked at Castiel.

“I won’t pretend that I hadn’t been hoping you would finally settle down with Balthazar, actually start a life together. Mr. Winchester will have a lot of work to do if he wants to be okay in my books.” Dean frowned but stood a little taller, met Michael’s gaze head on, ready to take on anything the other man threw at him and Castiel couldn’t help the small thrill that bubbled up inside of him at that. “However, I see now that there’s no stopping this, that you have apparently committed yourself to it and I can respect that. You have always been free to choose who you love, Castiel. I hope you know that.”

Castiel smiled slowly, wrapping his arm around Dean’s waist and hugging him tightly to his side as he looked at the other man. “We don’t choose who we fall in love with Michael,” he replied softly and Michael chuckled, throwing his hands up in the air.

“I will try to persuade Crowley away from Anna. He’s a reasonable man, he should listen,” Michael continued, waving off Castiel’s comment with a small smile. He cracked his knuckles and chuckled when Dean jerked back, his face contorting in surprise and disbelief. “You, Castiel, need to make amends. I’ve rather enjoyed the young woman Anna has become in the past year and would hate to see her revert back to her former self.” 

Castiel nodded and noticed that Dean nodded along too though Castiel was sure Michael had only meant him. Still, it pleased him that he wouldn’t be alone in the endeavor though he knew that coming up as united front in Anna’s presence would only send her further back and possibly over the edge. Michael sighed and gave a soft smile, reaching forward and pressing a soft kiss to Castiel’s forehead before extending his hand towards Dean. Castiel couldn’t help but smile as Dean reached out slowly, confused and surprised by Michael considering how the man had made it no secret how he felt about Dean, and accepted the handshake. Michael raised his brow and Castiel could see Dean trying desperately to keep a soft smile on his face though Michael’s grip was obviously a hard one. Michael chuckled, letting go of Dean’s hand and giving them a wave of his hand as he exited the apartment while Dean shook out his hand and bit his lip, pouting slightly as he looked over Castiel. Castiel gave a soft chuckle, thankful to his brother for lightening the mood though perhaps at the expense of Dean’s hand and pressed a kiss into Dean’s jaw.

Dean sighed and wrapped his other arm around Castiel, pulling him close so that he faced him and pressed his own kiss to Castiel’s lips. He smiled into it, his hands resting at the small of Castiel’s back, fisting the ridiculous trench coat as Castiel’s fingers slipped beneath his own jacket and outer shirt to tickle at his ribs.

Dean snickered and pulled back, raising an eyebrow as Castiel sighed and pressed his nose to Dean’s collar. “Sleep?” he asked softly and Castiel nodded, taking his hand and leading him towards the bedroom Dean knew all too well.

 

* * *

 

He was hesitant to contact her. It didn’t feel right to pick up the phone and it was doubtful she would answer if he did, especially since it was obvious she knew. Yet confronting her face to face scared Castiel though he knew it was only because he didn’t want to face his guilt, face the part he played in her getting hurt, face the fact that he hurt her, that he did the one thing he had sworn he would never do.

Dean tried to help, he pressed soft kisses to his temple, his eyelids, his lips, his jaw, and his hands were soft yet strong and his embrace was warm and safe. Yet each kiss and each touch only made Castiel feel worse, made him realized exactly what he had taken away from Anna, what he had stolen. So he pressed his own kisses to Dean’s lips and sent him home with the promise he would call later, when he was in need to Dean’s affection and love and safety once more.

He showered, got dressed, and made the trip across the city to his sister’s apartment, and somehow managed to get up the nerve to knock the door. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Crowley entered, thinning hair mussed, in his boxer shorts and undershirt, damned smirk in place. Anna called out from behind him, asking him who was at the door and Crowley grin widened. “Just our favorite,” he called out in reply, as Castiel stared him down, eyes narrowed and face grim, “your brother." 

“Castiel?” her soft reply filtered through, surprised though Castiel could hear the lilt of a laugh in it. Castiel sighed and pushed his way in, shoving Crowley to the sigh and taking small pleasure in the way the shorter man flinched away. Anna lounged on her couch, wrapped up in a silk robe and not much else, a smirk of her own curling her lips upwards as she took in Castiel’s appearance. “It used to be that you would call before you came over,” she said.

“Given everything, I wasn’t sure you’d answer,” Castiel replied honestly, shrugging his shoulders and watching Crowley as he shut the door and made his way back to the couch, going the long way around to avoid Castiel before he plopped down, pulling Anna’s legs over his lap.

“Mmm, yes. Everything,” Crowley commented, raising an eyebrow as he patted at Anna’s legs before running his hand up her thigh as Castiel clenched his fists and locked his jaw, his cheek twitching as it had done with Michael only the night before. “You forgot to mention that little tidbit the other day.” 

Castiel ignored Crowley comments and focused his gaze on Anna, on her fiery red hair that cascaded down her back and over her shoulder, her green-hazel eyes piercing, her lips still drawn in a smirk. “Anna, I’d rather talk to you alone.” She huffed a laugh, fake and loud and shook her head. 

“Why would I want to do that?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, mocking. Castiel held back a sigh and tried not to let his frustration sound when he said her name. He failed. She sighed heavily, shoulders shrugging expressively with her before she swung her legs off of Crowley’s lap and pushed herself up off the couch. “Fine. May we get dressed first? Let me say goodbye?”

Castiel frowned but nodded, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall as he watched Anna and Crowley disappear to her bedroom, his expression stony. He waited for a few minutes, sighing and rubbing at his eyes before the pair finally returned. He watched as Anna walked Crowley to the door only to press him up against it and attach her mouth to his in a poor attempt to make Castiel jealous. He rolled his eyes and merely raised his eyebrow once more when they pulled away and cast a glance towards him. Anna huffed and opened the door, no longer interested in Crowley though he didn’t seem upset by it at all as he cast Castiel a smile and walked out with a laugh.

Anna sighed and shut the door, leaning against it as her smirk dropped into a frown. “Feel any better?” Castiel asked and Anna scoffed, shaking her head before making her way back to the couch once more.

She flopped down on it gracelessly and waited for a moment before spreading her arms out wide and asking, “well? What did you want to talk about?”

“Anna,” Castiel began dropping his arms and taking a step towards her but she cut him off with a glare.

“Don’t Anna me, Castiel. Say what you want to say then get the hell out.” Castiel sighed and shrugged his shoulder, finding himself at a loss of what to say, of how to start. Anna scoffed and looked away, petulant. “Well then, I guess that’s that. You can go now.”

“I’m sorry,” Castiel gasped, eyes wide and pleading. Anna slowly turned her gaze to him and frowned, silent, waiting. “I never meant- it wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Wasn’t supposed to happen?” she asked, derisive. Castiel sighed and ran a hand through his hair as Anna huffed another fake laugh and pursed her lips. “What wasn’t supposed to happen? You keeping _secrets_ from me? You fucking my boyfriend behind my back? You doing it to get back at me after you _told_ me that you had forgiven me? What wasn’t supposed to happen?”

“No!” Castiel exclaimed, taking another step forward, angry and hurt that she assumed those things as everyone had, wondering exactly what he had done to give off the impression that he would hurt one of his own so carelessly. “It wasn’t like that and you know it.”

“Then tell me what it was like, Castiel because that’s how it looks to me,” Anna yelled before crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow at Castiel in the short silence that followed.

“I think I love him, Anna,” Castiel confessed softly and Anna’s eyes widened. Castiel shrugged his shoulders and waited, biting his bottom lip.

“How?” she asked softly and Castiel looked up towards the ceiling as if it could give him an answer as Anna pushed herself up off the couch and slowly made her way around the coffee table to stand in front of him. “You barely know him.”

“I don’t know, Anna.” He felt his eyes sting with the first onslaught of tears and closed his eyes to them, blinking them away as his eyes darted around the room, unable to look at Anna who stood so close, knowing that he couldn’t give her the answers she wanted, she deserved. “It’s ridiculous and impossible and wrong and I have hated myself for it, for the pain I’ve caused you and Balthazar and everyone else. I never wanted this, Anna, you have to believe me.”

“You wanted it enough,” Anna replied softly, wrapping her arms around herself. Castiel sighed and reached out, frowning when she stepped away. Castiel bit his lip and nodded, pushing his hands into the pockets of his trench coat. “Are you still with him?” she asked, not looking at him, instead focusing her eyes off to the left, towards the pictures that littered the wall. Castiel nodded, not trusting himself to speak and Anna huffed another laugh that sounded more like a choked sob.

“If- if you don’t want-“ he paused and closed his eyes, clenching his fists in his pockets, his nails biting into his palms. “I’ll end it. If it means that we can make amends, that you’ll forgive me, I’ll end it with Dean.” Anna’s eyes widened and for moment Castiel thought she might ask it of him, might ask him to end it and he knew though it would hurt and his heart would rail against it, as it railed against just the thought of it, that he would end things would Dean in an instant if it meant he could keep his sister. But Anna shook his head, frowning as she dropped her arms to the side and looked at him.

“No. I won’t ask that of you.” Castiel released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and nodded, feeling a tear slip free. He heard Anna heave a heavy breath and he looked up at her, her own eyes wet with tears as well. “We’re not okay. I won’t ask you to end things with him and I get that you do,” she paused and bit her lip, closing her eyes as she spoke the next word, “ _care_ for him but we’re not okay and it’s going to be a while till we are.”

Castiel nodded, finding he could do little else. Unsure for the first time in his life if he could reach out and hug her and if she would accept him. He was surprised then, when she reached out and engulfed him in a hug of her own. He melted into her embrace and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and allowing a few more tears to slip free. “I still love you, you idiot. I’m always gonna love you,” she laughed and Castiel felt his own punch out of him before he pulled back slightly to kiss her temple. “Just don’t bring him around for a while, okay?” 

Castiel laughed and nodded, pulling back slightly, still unwilling to relinquish the hug as he pushed her hair back from his face. “Yeah, I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright- I'll be honest. It is very possible that the next chapter will be the LAST CHAPTER. It is definitely feeling that way, now that Anna is pretty much resolved. We'll see what happens (I think I might want to stretch this out to an even 20 chapters).
> 
> Anyways, since the end is upon us, I'll say it again. Thank you to everyone who has read this, who has commented, subscribed, given kudos. I really appreciate it. This is the first time I've ever tried my hand at a long fic and actually stuck with it. It's amazing to have hit 50k and it's looking like a good possibility it might be over 60k! I'll stop now because I'll probably say all of this again once it's done but still! Thank you all sooo much! It's been tons of fun and I've loved every minute of it and that probably wouldn't be the case without all you awesome readers! So thanks!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys, this fic is finally complete. So enjoy and thank you for sticking by this. ( _additional author's note at the end of this chapter_ )

Dean had one moment a week later where he freaked out and took off without a word. He had been sitting on the plush leather couch in Castiel’s apartment, so much nicer than his, with his bills spread out before him and Castiel curled up next to him, huddled in one of Dean’s old shirts and sweats, with a book when it hit him. Within only the span of a few weeks Dean had fallen into the routine of being with Castiel, had his clothes shoved into drawers next to Castiel’s, a toothbrush propped on the sink, the dinning table covered in newspaper and car parts, his records stacked next to the record player they had bought at a flea market Castiel had dragged him to and his blu-rays shelved along with Castiel’s theology journals. The next thing Dean knew, he was ensconced in the impala heading east on RT. 70.  

He cursed when he realized his mistake; when he thought of Castiel wrapped up in his clothes, book in hand, probably wondering where Dean had gone, if he’d be back. He tried to remember what Castiel had done when Dean had bolted, if he had reached out, called his name, or if he had sat quiet, puzzled, head titled to the side and brow furrowed, a small pout turning down the corners of his mouth. But for the life of him he couldn’t remember it.

He pulled himself off onto the side of the road and dug into the pockets of his leather jacket, exhaling a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding when he felt the smooth casing of his flip phone. He looked at it for a moment, hesitating before opening it when he thought of Castiel’s laugh and gentle teasing the first time he saw it, how his nose crinkled and his smile turned gummy. His thumb hovered over the number two speed dial before he pressed one and waited patiently. His call was answered a few seconds later and he relaxed back into the leather of his seat when he heard his brother’s familiar voice.

“Dean? What’s up? I thought we weren’t getting together till round seven at the Roadhouse like usual.” Dean sighed and rubbed at his eyes, nodding though he knew Sam couldn’t see him.

“Yeah, no- it’s nothing.” He blew out a breath and looked out at the road, watching cars pass by sporadically on the relatively empty stretch of asphalt. “Just needed to hear your voice, that’s all.” Sam huffed a stunted laugh, as if not sure how to interpret Dean’s statement.

“Dude? Are you okay? Did you and Cas get into a fight?” Dean shook his head, exhaling heavily across the line. His fingers picked at a loose thread on the seam of his jeans as he listened to Sam breathe on the other end. “Dean?”

“Everything’s fine, Sam. I just-“ he let out a soft groan and rubbed at his eyes, pressing his forehead to the warm leather of the steering wheel. “I don’t want to fuck this up.” Sam sighed on the other end.

“You won’t Dean.” Dean shot up quickly, his body tensing and his lips pulling into a grimace as he gripped the cell a little bit harder.

“How do you know?” he bit out and he could practically hear Sam’s replying bitch face over the receiver.

“Dean, he risked his relationship with his twin sister, his family, just to be with you.” Dean bit his lip, worrying it between his teeth as Sam huffed and something rustled on the other end. “Where are you?”

“Sitting on the side of Rt. 70.”

“Go _home_ , Dean.”

“He’ll realize he’s too good for me, one day.” Sam started to say something over the line but cut himself off and ended with another huff instead, frustrated by the conversation and Dean’s low self-worth. Dean closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, concentrating on matching his own breaths to Sam’s across the distance, pushing his overwhelming fears away but failing.

“Maybe,” Sam said softly, and Dean’s shoulders slumped a little more. “Or maybe he never will. Maybe he thinks you’re the best thing that has ever and will ever happened to him. Maybe you’ll grow old and die together or maybe you’ll part ways by the end of the year but the fact of the matter is you won’t know until you’ve tried.” Sam sighed and Dean held back his own as he nodded, taking in his brother’s words. “Go home Dean. Talk to Cas.”

Dean nodded, muttering a soft, “thanks, Sammy,” before shutting the phone and tossing it onto the passenger seat, running his palms over his face. He took a deep breath and twisted the key in the ignition; the engine turning over in a smooth rumble that Dean could feel. He tightened his hands on the steering wheel and merged back onto the road, taking only a few minutes to turn around and head home. _Home_ where Castiel was, with this books stacked on tables and against walls where they couldn’t fit on overstuffed shelves and bookcases. With his collection of expired prescription drugs because he didn’t know how to properly dispose of them and didn’t want to harm any animals in doing so. Castiel with his fitted waistcoats, and oversized sweaters, and tan trench coat hung up by the door where a peg waited for Dean’s own leather jacket.

He wondered briefly when home had become the modern apartment way out of Dean’s price range and not the small, two bedroom, one bathroom that he shared with Sam. He wondered for a moment if he had abandoned his brother too quickly in his pursuit of Castiel but pushed the thought aside when his phone buzzed with a text from Sam reading _once you’ve talked to Cas, get your ass over here and get the rest of your shit!  
_

He opened the door to home a half hour later, Castiel still tucked where he had left him, folded up on the couch, large book in his lap, his face the picture of calm. He lifted his head and smiled when Dean entered and titled his head slightly to the left when he stood at the door, still and eyes wide. “Is everything okay?” he asked and Dean felt himself nodding as he pushed the door shut behind him and dropped his keys onto the sideboard next to Castiel’s; his new apartment key, given to him after Castiel’s talk with Anna, clicking against the wood. He crossed the room and sat down heavily next to Castiel, reaching out and taking his face in his hands, his thumb sweeping against the skin of Castiel’s cheekbone before he pressed in, closing the distance. Castiel gave a muffled gasp but quickly responded, pressing forward, his own hands slipping against the warm skin of Dean’s neck as his lips met Dean’s press for press.

Dean pulled back and watched as Castiel slowly opened his eyes, pupil’s blown, dopey smile and stubble dark. “I love you, Cas,” he stated softly, almost hesitant, his heart jumping into his throat, and Castiel’s smile grew wide, gummy as he let out a soft laugh and pressed another kiss to Dean’s mouth, resting his forehead against Dean’s as he replied.

“I love you too, Dean Winchester.” Dean nodded and though he tried not to he couldn’t help the answering smile that spread his own lips wide as he curled his arm around Castiel’s shoulder and settled back into the couch, soaking up the warmth and love Castiel so readily gave, not caring how fast he fell into it or how long he’d be able to hold onto it. He’d hold onto it for as long as Castiel would let him.

 

* * *

 

Castiel supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised when Dean took off without a word and disappeared for well over an hour. He hadn’t been sure what had set the younger man off, what had propelled him out the door and away from Castiel, his mail that Sam had dropped off the night before spread out on the coffee table, abandoned. Castiel had spent the next ten minutes after he’d gone pacing the open space of the living room; his thumb hovering over the touch screen of his phone, debating whether or not to call Dean and ask him what was going on. He managed to take a deep breath soon after, put his phone down, and return to his reading secure in the knowledge that Dean would be back.

The question that niggled at the back of Castiel’s mind did have him casting glances at his phone every fifteen minutes until Dean returned though. What if Dean didn’t want to stay? Castiel had to admit that things felt a little too easy, as if things had fallen into place without the expected modicum of hardship that had all too happily settled in his stomach after his talk with Anna. If Castiel was truthful, it still hovered over him like a black cloud, threatening a downpour of rain that could flood Dean and all the goodness, affection, and love that he afforded away. That at any moment, Dean would realize just who he had gotten involved with, a man who apparently had no qualms over hurting his own _family_ to get what he wanted, who brought as much baggage as a super jet crossing the Atlantic carried, and run. Not that Castiel could or would blame him. Castiel often felt that were he in Dean’s position, he would run too.

He huffed and shut his book, a conclusive history into the creation of the God mythos, and shoved it onto the couch beside him before grabbing his cell and tapping the dark screen in contemplation. Either he could call Dean, demand answers to his questions and effectively end the budding yet speedy build of their relationship after which he would call his brother up to get spectacularly drunk and most likely start the entire cycle over again. Or he could let Dean handle whatever was obviously bothering him and wait patiently for his return.

He tapped the screen twice more with his thumb before tossing it back onto the coffee table and settling back into the couch. He read four pages over the span of an hour when Dean finally returned. Castiel supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised when Dean finally said it after kissing him breathless for what seemed to be minutes on end. He smiled wide and laughed and returned the affection whole heartedly, pressing soft kisses into the skin of Dean’s jaw as they settled back into the couch, book and minor freak out forgotten.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean tried but failed utterly to keep the cringe from his face as Castiel shepherded him through the furniture store.  The selections were many but most of what Castiel pointed out seemed a little too modern for Dean’s homegrown tastes. Castiel at least seemed to find the fleeting looks amusing as he tried hard to keep the corners of his lips from turning upwards whenever Dean nodded stiltedly at a piece that Castiel had pointed out.

“It would help if you made a few suggestions of your own, Dean,” Castiel commented softly as he sat down on a plush leather couch that looked similar to the one Dean had him pressed to a few hours before. Dean sighed a shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know, man. I mean part of me doesn’t even really understand why we’re here.” Castiel sighed and patted the leather cushion next to him. Dean raised an eyebrow and smirked, but otherwise sat down, leaving a respectable distance between them as Castiel looked about the store

“I know things have been moving pretty fast,” Castiel began, pausing when Dean huffed a forced laugh, his eyebrows receding up into his hairline as he stretched his arms across the back of the couch, palming the leather and avoiding Castiel’s calm gaze. “However seeing as how you are paying half of the rent and utilities, I think it’s about time you make our apartment your home too.” Dean shrugged his shoulders and thumbed a loose thread on Castiel’s shoulder, his lips pursed and his gaze focused on the floor.

“I moved my stuff in. I’m good. Don’t need much." 

“Dean.” Dean sighed heavily and shook his head, shrugging his shoulders.

“Really Cas, I’m good. I’ve got you, my chair, my records, and my baby. I don’t need anything else.” Castiel rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss of Dean’s jaw, huffing a laugh when the other man cringed and scrubbed at his skin as if to wipe it away but he otherwise didn’t move from his position on the couch and the arm that had settled behind Castiel on the couch only pulled him closer.

“Well then, for my sake you need to help me pick out new furniture,” Castiel replied. “What sits in there now reminds me too much of Balthazar for my liking and in no way fits that chair you just had to drag in.”

“Hey!” Dean exclaimed, frowning as he pulled away slightly from Castiel who’s expression remained neutral and unassuming though a slight smile quirked up the corners of his lips. “That was my dad’s chair and it still remains the best thing my ass has ever sat upon, thank you very much.” Castiel quirked one eyebrow upwards and looked down at his lap before shifting his gaze once more to Dean’s face. Dean coughed and sputtered, shoving Castiel away as he got up from the couch and shook his head, his face turning red. Castiel barked out a laugh, catching the attention of other customers as he pushed himself up off the couch and caught up with Dean who had begun walking away. His hands fit too easily against Dean’s skin as he reached forward to pull Dean back to him, muffling his chuckles into the worn leather of Dean’s shoulder who sarcastically imitated his laugh and patted at his hands. “Yeah, you’re a freaking comedian Cas. Really funny.” 

Castiel simply smiled and hooked his chin over Dean’s shoulder, nudging him towards another living room display. Dean grinned when he noted to large plush loveseat and matching couch, the warm brown leather already worn and broken in. Dean broke away and sat himself down in the corner of the loveseat, fitting himself into its crevices and grinning when Castiel joined him soon after. “So, this one?”

Dean shrugged his shoulders and propped his feet up on the coffee table, ignoring the glare from one of the store employees as he shuffled down into his seat, the leather enveloping him in warmth as Castiel slid closer, his presence a comforting weight at his side. “Yeah, this’ll work. Look’s like the same leather as my dad’s recliner.” Castiel smiled and pressed another kiss to Dean’s jaw that he didn’t bother wiping off. Instead he grinned and pulled Castiel off the couch and towards the bedroom displays declaring they might as well pick out a new set while they were there.

 

* * *

 

“You look happy.” Castiel found he could only nod in reply as he stared at the taller man, still slightly shocked to see him standing there, especially given how they had parted ways. Yet there Balthazar was, the collar of his winter coat pulled up against the chill and his blue eyes just a bit too mournful to truly meet his gaze. Castiel shifted his weight from one foot to the other as Balthazar kicked at some loose bit of gravel outside the Roadhouse. “Good. That’s good,” Balthazar commented after a moment of silence.

Castiel let out a huff of air and watched as it danced in front of him before forcing himself to meet Balthazar’s stare. “Why are you here?” he asked and Balthazar merely shrugged his shoulders before he cast a glance towards the bar, through the window where Dean sat along with Sam, Jess, and two of Castiel’s brothers. Balthazar nodded at the sight and gaze a choked off laugh.

“Seems he fits right in, doesn’t he.” Castiel frowned and watched as Dean laughed openly and loudly with Gabriel and Sam, Lucifer snickering behind his glass as Jess shook her head in amusement. He looked back at Balthazar to find the other man frowning, his jaw clenched tight as he stared at the scene before them. “Guess everything worked out for the best then.”

“Balthazar,” Castiel said softly, reaching out and letting his hand drop before he could make contact, knowing he had no right to try and offer comfort. Balthazar gave another sad smile and shook his head, looking down at his shoes and shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his coat. “I never,” he began, sighing when Balthazar’s eyebrows rose upwards in question as Castiel shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“It’s alright, Cassie. I know.” Castiel’s frown deepened and Balthazar took a step forward, too close to be anything but familiar as he reached out and brushed his thumb across Castiel’s stubble, palm cold against his skin. He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Castiel’s forehead, murmuring, “I miss you,” before stepping back and away seconds later, hand once again safely ensconced in his pocket. Castiel shook his head and took a step back as well, creating a larger space between them. 

“Hey Cas! You’re missing out on all the-“ Castiel sighed and closed his eyes, turning towards Dean who exited the Roadhouse, his statement falling short as his eyes caught sight of the taller man standing there. Dean frowned, his eyes narrowing as he crossed the short distance to stand by Castiel’s side. “I was wondering what was taking you so long. I know it doesn’t take ten minutes to retrieve a phone from the car,” Dean commented, eyes locked on Balthazar who only glared back. Castiel huffed and extracted the keys to impala from his pocket, placing them gently in Dean’s hand, his thumb pressing gently to Dean’s wrist.

“Sorry to keep him from you,” Balthazar said and Dean scoffed in reply.

“No. You’re not.” Balthazar laughed and nodded as Castiel called Dean’s name softly.

“You’re right. I’m not.” Dean sneered and Balthazar rolled his eyes, taking another step backwards, towards the small parking lot and away from them. “See you Castiel.” He gave a small wave and turned away as Dean bristled and Castiel’s shoulders sagged underneath an unseen weight.

“What the fuck was that about?” Dean demanded, rounding on Castiel who frowned and shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. 

“I don’t know Dean. I was walking back inside when he approached me.” Dean clenched his jaw and nodded stiffly and Castiel found he couldn’t help but smile just a little.

“What?” Dean barked as Castiel pressed in close and shook his head, understanding dawning on him as Dean puffed up and glared down at him. “Damn it, Cas, what?”

“Nothing, Dean,” he replied softly, catching his arm and turning him towards the entrance. “Come on, let’s go back inside.” Dean exhaled deeply through his nose and shook his head, grumbling under his breath but pulling Castiel closer to his side as they made their way back into the bar. He would never admit it aloud if only because Dean would vehemently deny it but he found jealousy to be a very adorable look on the younger man.

If Dean was a little bit more affectionate than usual, Castiel didn’t comment. Gabriel and Lucifer did that for him.

 

* * *

 

Dean thought he’d never get used to it. Never get used to waking up to the warm press of Castiel at his side, his hair ruffled and dark and sweet smelling against his nose. Castiel’s skin hot and pliant, his legs tangled in the sheets and Dean’s own. He’d never get used to the feeling of hesitation, of wondering if it would really be a bad thing to hit the snooze button and curl against Castiel for just a little longer instead of rolling away to another day of work while Castiel got to laze in just a bit longer.

He’d never get used to the hard, smooth, cherry wood floors, or the nightstand that proudly displayed pictures of both his and Castiel’s family, mixed together as one giant group. He’d never get used to the sight of Castiel’s pressed suits and waist coats and sweaters hung up next to his old worn flannel, or the leather oxfords next to his dirty, scuffed, and worn, old work boots. He’d never get used to Mary’s afghan over the couch or his dad’s records stacked neatly next to the entertainment center or his Vonnegut novels stuffed in between theology journals and bibles.

Dean thought he’d never get used to waking up and feeling like he belonged. On weekends when he could afford to hit the snooze button and curl closer to Castiel, press up against him till they were one long line of flesh and bone, Dean figured that was okay. He never wanted to get used to it anyways as it left everything feeling new.

 

* * *

 

He was supposed to have never seen him again. It was supposed to have been a one-time deal borne out of loneliness and one too many fruity drinks that had left him with more bad ideas than good ones. While the encounter had been enjoyable and an experience that Castiel looked back on fondly, it was also one that never was supposed to see the light of day, something that was supposed to have been kept secret and safe from prying fingers and judging eyes.

He was supposed to have ended up content if not happy with Balthazar, satisfied to spend his days with a man he loved but would never truly be in love with. As Castiel watched Dean cross the bedroom intent on getting dressed to the day, his green eyes alight and his lips turned up in a knowing smirk, one that knew how Castiel felt, how he fell apart beneath Dean’s hands, Castiel was glad that his secret was no longer just his. When Dean fell onto the bed next to him, clothes forgotten momentarily, eyes full of mirth and a smile that begged to be seen, to be kissed, and uttered Castiel’s name in a way that had his knees weak, Castiel knew his world would never be the same again. He was awfully glad that Dean had never gotten the memo.

 

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off thank you, thank you, thank you for sticking till the end. I know I've totally sucked the past two months without giving you this and I'm really sorry but it's here now, it's yours, and I beg your forgiveness and hope this ending is everything you've hoped it would be.
> 
> Secondly, over the course of this week (maybe month as I'm currently waiting to hear back on a job that could very well keep me very busy) I will be editing this fic and getting it ready for a PDF download as well as archival on my website, [justdepends.com](http://justdepends.com). If I have time I also want to add some art to it (which reminds me if any of you have artwork that you would like to share, please do so! I would love to see it and add it to the PDF as well if its okay with you as the artist). That being said, I will be creating a master post when the PDF is ready for download both on [livejournal](http://justdepends.livejournal.com), and on my [tumblr](http://frayed1989.tumblr.com).
> 
> Finally, while I do have plans for a new au verse (it's a gardening/landscaping one!) I do have a few more ideas for this verse as well as the timestamps: [Resolutions in the Kitchen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/766241) to work on. I'm also taking on **TWO** fics to illustrate for the [DC Big Bang](http://deancasbigbang.livejournal.com) this year so I will be a very busy bee. I'll be keeping updates on these projects over on my tumblr.
> 
> Again, thank you so much for everything. I really do hope you all enjoy this as much as I've enjoyed writing it.


End file.
